My boyfriend is separated from his wife and living 4 hours away from her. He has a 3 year old son who lives with his wife and he goes to visit him every two weeks. He married because of their son and met me and realized that he wanted to be here and his happiness was important also. He stays with his mother when he visits and this is not a problem. When he first moved here we were the perfect couple and were both so incredibly happy. He moved 5 months ago and things were great until about a month ago. He says that he thinks we are too serious and we need to not only slow down, but back up. He also says that he can't give me the commitment or share the feelings that I deserve to have. Still, he wants to be here with me. He has made this very clear. Things aren't the way that they were and it scares me. He forgets to call me and doesn't make the effort to see me that he once did. Maybe he's tired of me. I love him with all of my soul and I miss how things used to be. I know that sex isn't the most impotant thing in a relationship, but we haven't had sex in a month and half, he was never really big into sex anyway but good grief! I'm confused and I don't want to loose him, I want to understand him. Please help!

[LoveAngel]

My boyfriend is separated from his wife and living 4 hours away from her. He has a 3 year old son who lives with his wife and he goes to visit him every two weeks. He married because of their son and met me and realized that he wanted to be here and his happiness was important also. He stays with his mother when he visits and this is not a problem. When he first moved here we were the perfect couple and were both so incredibly happy. He moved 5 months ago and things were great until about a month ago. He says that he thinks we are too serious and we need to not only slow down, but back up. He also says that he can't give me the commitment or share the feelings that I deserve to have. Still, he wants to be here with me. He has made this very clear. Things aren't the way that they were and it scares me. He forgets to call me and doesn't make the effort to see me that he once did. Maybe he's tired of me. I love him with all of my soul and I miss how things used to be. I know that sex isn't the most impotant thing in a relationship, but we haven't had sex in a month and half, he was never really big into sex anyway but good grief! I'm confused and I don't want to loose him, I want to understand him. Please help!

Liz,


It sounds like your boyfriend has had his share of unsuccessful relationships in the past which obviously have hurt him a lot emotionally. From your general summary, I would speculate that he is afraid of getting hurt by someone so close again.


As your relationship has strengthened, he may have been becoming fearful of making a commitment so soon after losing someone important to him in his life. Even if it just was a marriage of convience, it still was a significant event in his life and he may not be ready for that to happen again.


I'm sure he's rather confused about how exactly he is feeling at the moment. Emotions are at times very difficult to deal with. Give him the time he needs to be ready. He's telling you that he isn't right now. That doesn't exclude the future. Keep an open channel of communication with him and listen to what he has to say.


Best wishes to you,

LoveAngel