[MadKurlz]

I eneded things with my so called "friend" on Friday night. Let me give you a bit of history.

One year ago, we hooked up and got along great. After a month he was coming over almost every night and would spend the night. About two months later he told me he loved me. I was ecstatic. Two months after that I notice that he becomes distant and he tells me that we are moving too fast and we should just remain friends and that his feelings for me were'nt the same. I was devastated. Only to fall into the same pattern again. Getting back together, going over each others houses, having sex, etc, all the things that couple do. but we were still labeled as "friends". He never intorduced me as his girlfriend, but we did everything togehter. I would even go to his house and spend the night all the time. His family loves me, and I of course love them. I have formed a bond with his mom too.

Okay so now I could feel that there were times that he wasnt as into me, so he once again around the Valentines day he told me that we should be friends, that his feelings werent the same as mine were for him. that mine were deeper for him and it just wasnt fair to me. I said okay. Of course devastated again. A few weeks later, we are hanging out again, im chilling with the family, my birthday rolls around, I get great gifts form him and he is very affectionate, loving, caring, and we are having sex again. So once again, we are acting like a couple. Funny thing too is that when we would sleep together,(i dont mean sex) he was so affectionate, kissed my cheecks my eyes, but outta the privacy of his bedroom, he was a diffrent person, not affectionate at all. He was never one to express his feelings.

Well Friday nght rolls around, and im at his house watching tv and I roll over to kiss him and cuddle, when he has this look on his face, i sd to him, you really dont like kissing do you? He sd well no, its just that im watching tv. Right then and their I realized that I deserved somone who wanted to kiss me. He wants to love me the way I love them. Someone to give me the affection im starving for.
I told him I could no longer do this anymore. He sd he understood and he sd that I will never know how he feels about me and how much he cares. I sd for him to tell me, He sd he couldnt cuz he didnt know how to express himself. So I left.

Sometimes I ask myself if I did the right thing for myself? I miss him terribly. I miss him holding me at night.