Is it possible to get over someone w/out NC? Should I start NC again?
My ex and I broke NC about 2 weeks ago, we have been talking and it has been really sweet so far...yesterday she asked me to help her move, and like a moron, I felt bad because she sounded so stressed out and I went to help her....
There has been a bit of uncomfort between us...I just don't really know how to be around her...it is weird to know that you don't occupy the same space in the same way you used to.....(touching, kissing and such...)
We started getting in a conversation about us...and like an idiot I made myself vulnerable... She on the other hand, kept it cool calm and collected...totally unattached, it made me so pissed off that she wasn't talking to me like a real person. Then she started being real with me and told me why she could not be with me any more...but that she was dying to be in my life and be my friend.
She also says that she really hates so many things about herself and that she is so self absorbed she has a hard time caring for other people....I told her that sometimes I feel used by her, I feel like she just wants me for what she needs....
She brings a side out it me that I don't like. I am usually for the most part stubborn. In our relationship I was the strong one, the one who kept **** togheter....but now I just feel like sh*t when I am around her...she was such an as*hole to me throuogh out our relationship and some part of me wants to tell her that......so I can at least feel like she can take some responsiblity for her actions....Should I?
Or should I just say....look we tried to be friends right now....but it does not seem possible....I don't really want to start NC again because it was unpleasant and too much work to avoid someone....(we do a lot of the same things) Is it possible to get over someone with out having NC?
This is a complicated question. It boils down to what your motives are. NC is used for people who are satisfied the relationship is over and want to move on with their lives. If your heart tells you- and you have to actually take some time and space and listen to what it is really saying- that there is a chance and the breakup was just circumstance, then NC is not the way to go. I've always used limited contact. And I never contact by telephone- only e-mail, and I put my TONE in check. It's harder to know what people are saying with e-mail because you can't hear their voice and emotion. Good- just watch what you say.
If you can't be friends and that's not your intention, then NC is right- especially at the beginning while both parties sort out their feelings. Sometimes this may take months, and most importantly- can't be rushed. By the way she makes you feel right now, you can't be around each other- nothing good can come of it. Take some time for yourself and work on yourself. There's nothing else you can do at this stage of the game. If you open yourself up for emotional outbursts now, then you need no contact until you can get that under control. She hates stuff about herself- that's something she needs to work on too, and if she doesn't have time to do that- you don't have a chance. Time is on your side- it sucks to wait, but as my Grandmother always said- "patience is a virtue- now mow my lawn!"
__________________
"If you can't help it then just leave it alone, leave me alone, yeah, just forget it. It's really easy I'll just forget it too..."
--E. Smith
If you really want to be friends with this girl, you can. But in order to do that, you need to take atleast a year off with complete NC. It'll help you heal, and get on with your life, and realize you can have a life that does not revolve around her. After a year, if you guys bump into each other, then you can probably be friends. It can happen, but not while you're still emotionally invested.
__________________
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
When you harbor bitterness, happiness will dock somewhere else.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Re: Re: Is it possible to get over someone w/out NC? Should I start NC again?
Quote:
Originally posted by westernxer
Does it feel good to torture yourself?
Ah, maybe I shouldn't laugh, but it is true.
NC is torture, but staying in contact is infinitely worse.
If she brings out a side of you that you don't particularly like, it's in your best interest to stay away from her. Besides, you deserve a girl who doesn't treat you like crap. There's one out there for you somewhere!
Please note: The suggestions and advice offered on this web site are opinions only and are not to be used in the place of professional psychological counseling or medical advice. If you or someone close to you is currently in crisis or in an emergency situation, contact your local law enforcement agency or emergency number.
Linear Mode
