[dgiirl]

I'm just curious to know when and under what feelings people took their wedding rings off? And were you the dumpee/dumper?

I've been seperated for approx 3 months now, and I just took mine off a week ago. My therapist kind of helped me. She asked me if i still felt married, and i replied yes. I felt very sad because I havent seen my husband in months, and i still feel married. So I took it off because I felt it was not what I wanted my marriage to be. I took the oppurtunity to take it off in sadness instead of anger.

I'll be seeing my husband in person very soon. It'll be the first time I see him w/o the ring. I dont know if he's still wearing his. I'm going to expect the worse that it's off, but I think i'm going to freak out of it is. How did you guys handle this situation?

I also dont want my marriage to be over. Am I sending mixed signals by not wearing the ring? I needed it off because I was torturing myself with hope every time I put it on (I dont wear it when sleeping).

[Tony T]

If you want your marriage to work, why isn't your husband in counselling with you? The two of you should be working on this together if the wish for things to work out is mutual.

If your husband doesn't want the marriage and is sure of that after careful thought, leave the ring off and see a divorce lawyer. Don't prolong your agony. Let your counsellor help you with the courage to make this painful move, a very major stage of letting go.

You did not give enough details in your post to know exactly what the state of your marriage is but when one no longer wants the union, the marriage no longer exists....except on paper and a divorce will take care of that.

[dgiirl]

Originally posted by Tony T
If your husband doesn't want the marriage and is sure of that after careful thought, leave the ring off and see a divorce lawyer. Don't prolong your agony. Let your counsellor help you with the courage to make this painful move, a very major stage of letting go.

done done and done.

It's still hard to accept and believe this is what he really truely wants. (Yes, i'm in denial). His decision came totally out of the blue. There was no option for MC or anything. He just came home one night, told me, and left the next day.

[Tony T]

"He just came home one night, told me, and left the next day."

I know this is not the topic of your thread, but you had to have had some hints. People don't just walk out of a good marriage out of the blue. If his move was a surprise to you, I hope you will one day find someone who is more communicative.

Marriage is not a thing you put on autopilot and expect it to just work out. If you don't communicate constantly, what happened to you will happen. I think you were married to the wrong person.

At any rate, I wish you great luck with this painful time. But you'll get through it, heal and move on. Be kind to yourself and learn lessons from all this.

[dgiirl]

Originally posted by Tony T
I know this is not the topic of your thread, but you had to have had some hints. People don't just walk out of a good marriage out of the blue. If his move was a surprise to you, I hope you will one day find someone who is more communicative.

I knew something was wrong, and I tried to communicate to him. He reassured me everything was fine, and I allowed him to reassure me. In hindsight, yah I can see the problems very clearly. I can also see why the problems arised and how to fix them. Atleast on my side. But yes, he totally surprised me. I never realized he wasnt communicating, because I thought I was.

Thank you for your support. I'm definitely learning from this experience, and I will get through it. At the moment, I'm sitting in limbo. I'm about to lose my house/job/husband, move to another city, find a new job, appartment, etc. So I'm still holding onto hope as long as possible until i have to move. If it wasnt for the legalities of the divorce to constantly remind me, I'd have given up hope by now.

[ready2moveon26]

When my ex and I first separated we were friends but he didn't want to be married at all anymore so I stopped wearing my ring whenever I was around him. I have a special place in my car where I keep my ring. Whenever I go out and don't want anyone to bother me, I wear it and I NEVER wear it around him. It is not the fact that I want to be married to him anymore, now it is the fact that I just want to be married or at least I want people to think I am married. I wear it in spurts now. I agree that taking the ring off makes it feel like it is totally over. Whenever my friends notice I am wearing the ring, they say something about it. I tried pawning the ring to get it completely over with, but the guy didn't want to give me what I thought it was worth, which was probably a generous offer but in my heart I wasn't and still am not ready to part with the ring.

[dgiirl]

I've actually thought about buying myself a ring to keep the creeps away. I've only had one situation so far where a total stranger weirdo came up to talk with me and i wish i had my ring on. I havent had to deal with weirdo's in a really long time.

I seem to be a weirdo magnet

[Mz. Pixie]

I took mine off at the beginning of the separation- but I was emotionally divorced for a long time before that.

My ex took his off after the divorce was final.

[Yikes]

When did I take my wedding ring off?

The SECOND that I found out that she was STILL cheating on me and our kidlets with my best friend. I told her in no uncertain terms that we were done. Finished for good - no third chances. No soup for you. I have never looked back in regret.

By this point the ring was meaningless because it was supposed to represent her promise of be loving, honest and faithful. She decided to be none of those things... so the ring and what it is supposed to signify no longer meant anything, it was nothing more that a hunk of jewelry and to be honest, I am not a jewelry wearing kind of guy anyway - not even a watch.

Y

[Devildog]

Hmm, I guess I did spurts where I took the ring off and put it back on. I don't advise this.

I took it off the first time about 2 weeks into the separation, basically to try and scare my XW into seeing that she could very well lose me forever. After a couple days I put it back on because I was still trying to save my marriage. Then about a month later I got so fed up that I took it off for about two weeks. Until around Christmas time when she had her Fruedian slip and said "I love You". I got hopeful at that point that we were back on track. We were not of course. I took it off for the final time about two weeks later.

Each time I took it back off was hurtful.

My XW took her's off pretty much the moment I left for the separation and never touched it again.

[brashgal]

It took me awhile to take it off for good, I wore it around the house a lot or if I was going to be with folks that I didn't want to get into conversation about it yet. For the first 6 months I would occasionally wear it on my right hand (it's still a beautiful piece of jewellery) but now it sits in the jewellery box - it feels like a lie when I wear it. I rarely wear the expensive watch he bought me either although I used to wear it almost daily.

I don't feel like that person any more.

[amish]

Wore mine for about 3 months into the separation, until I finally realized that there was no hope. Then sent it into orbit on July 4th. She took hers off right away, of course, as she was the one who initiated it. Still hurt the first time I saw her without it, but really it shouldn't have been a surprise.

[TUDOR]

I wore mine through the 3 months of counseling and we still lived together. It came off when I told my family we were getting divorced and I was moving out. I guess letting the people closest to me know it was over was the thing that made it real for me and I saw no more reason to wear it. Her's came off when I moved out and took it with me....like I was going to let her keep it!

[dgiirl]

What did you guys end up doing with the ring? I have no kids, so I really dont know what to do with it. I'll keep it for a little while since my emotions are still strong. But I was thinking about burying it in the garden of the house we bought together (and we'll be selling now). But I might want it in the future?!

It's a pretty modest ring. White gold with 8 very very tiny diamonds in the band. We paid approx $200. 8 years of marriage = 8 diamonds. Next time it'll be a full band of diamonds lol.

[ready2moveon26]

I guess I should tell you when he stopped wearing his ring. He has never been a jewelry person so wearing a ring was very weird for him to start with. He never really got used to it but wore it anyway. We separated once before the big separation and he stopped wearing the ring then. He left it at my house (he moved out) and it sat on the top of the microwave for the entire time. He came by to pick up a few things one day and had his friend with him. I told him he could take the TV from our bedroom and the old microwave. The old microwave was in the garage, so while my ex was in the bedroom getting the tv, his friend was working on getting the microwave out. When they left, the ring was gone. I am still not sure to this day if he took it or if his friend did, but he swears he didn't take it. A few weeks later, I decided to stop at the pawn shop to see what my ring was worth. While waiting for assistance, I decided to look around. I saw a ring there that was VERY similar to his. I asked to see it and asked them to see if it was a size 13 and it was. He or his friend, pawned the ring. We got back together shortly after that and when I asked him about it, he denied it and still does to this day. That was the ring that I bought, I know for a fact it was. I asked the clerk if I could buy it back and he said, it was his now and I'd have to pay what he was asking. He was asking 250.00. I paid 800.00 for the ring to start with and that was half price from my aunt who is a jeweler. I wasn't about to buy the ring back for 250.00 when I wasn't sure if the marriage would last anyway.