[Amalphia]

I havent posted to this web site in a very long time. The last time I posted you guys were able to help me out and I am hoping you can do the same for me again. I have been with my boyfriend now for almost a year and a half. I love him more than the world and he is (for all intensive purposes) a really good boyfriend. Sure he is kinda selfich when it comes to certain things but arent we all.

Ok basically I am having a NASTY problem with his computer. I hate that stupid machine. When he and I first got together it really didnt bother me but now I fantasize about throwing my spike heels into the screen. The reason I dislike his computer is becuase of the pron he accesses on it. I cant stand leaving the house because I feel like as soon as I leave he is going to be watching that trash.

I used to be nasty with him about it becuase it hurt me so friggin badly, but I quickly realized that I wasnt getting what I wanted and that I was hurting him. He is embarrassed by his porn and he knows and understands that I dont like it. I dont want in any way to make him unhappy but I really dont want to continue to feel suspicious of him when I leave. He has cut down on it and I appreicate that more than I could tell you guys but I really would like to know how to make the negative feelings toward this machine stop so that I can have normal days again.

When I feel like Aaron is watching or has been watching porn I feel dirty when Im in bed with him because I know that some of the stuff he wants to do is crap he has seen on that trash. I also dont feel as close to him as I used to (emotionally and sexually). I dont feel attractive anymore, I dont bother with dressing up anymore. I just dont see the point.