Just something I was pondering tonight in regards to why NO CONTACT is so essential.
If you consider each phase of a relationship as a ladder, then say FRIENDSHIP would probably be the first rung. Now, assuming you are dumped, you often want to stay on that first rung of the ladder. Because if you can cling to friendship, then there is always a chance you'll get to climb further up the ladder.
However, if you are stuck on the first rung of someone else's ladder, you can NOT climb up someone else's ladder. You need both hands and feet to make the climb so obviusly you won't be able to climb onto another ladder.
If you are to move on and find the REAL person you're supposed to be with, get off your Ex's ladder. Stick to NO CONTACT. Because if you do climb back on their ladder and rise, the next time you fall off, it may be for good.
Sorry if this sounds stupid or doesn't make sense. I'm tired and for some reason I needed to share this. I need some interaction to get my mind off contacting the ex, obviously....and I am waiting for my laundry.
Yes, I'm a loser. Sat night and I'm home doing laundry. At least I got to go to the movies today and see "Hitch."
Loser?!?! I beg to differ. Last Saturday night I went to Barnes and Noble. And this past Friday, after going out for happy hour with some co-workers I...did absolutely nothing.
I really like your theory. Everyone keeps telling me I'll find someone else, but it's only been three weeks so I feel as though I can't even process that line of thinking just yet.
I'm now on day 13 of NC. Last night before I went to bed I thought about calling him. I stared at the phone and visualized myself dialing the numbers. I even picked up the phone and held it to my ear and listened to the dial tone. (Is it obvious yet I did have a little bit to drink last night?! Hehe.) I keep asking myself why he hasn't made any effort to contact ME - after all, he said I could call whenever I wanted and that he wanted us to stay friends because I was also his best friend.
Sigh. More than anything I want to keep him in my life, but not while I'm still hoping with every fiber of my being that he'll want me back. I can't torture myself that way.
My problem is, I want to be her ladder more than anything else, but I KNOW what she's doing: Not thinking about me for even a minute. Not missing me. Not wondering what I am doing.
That's the thing. I overcompensated for her lack of participation and during NC, it gets even worse.
I know how you feel about the phone. I want to call her but the urge will go away over time. It's her Birthday in a few weeks that's going to kill me to not contact her.
guy's be glad all your ex's never cheated on you or did anything horrible like that. trust me, the pain of knowing that your entire relationship was a lie from day 1 is completely overwhelming, almost 10X more than just a regular breakup. And you know what, after all that she has done to me I still miss her and a part of me wants to see her again. It's like a drug addiction, you have got to stop completely, and go cold turkey. I know the only way I will get any better is if I cut off all contact for good. I'm hoping at some point I will not think about her daily and I will be able to move on. For now I'm just trying to survive each day.
That is a fantastic analogy! I love it. All I know is that at the moment, I am clinging on to hope that my ex wil come back. I am not ready to let go. But I know that when I do I will be ok.
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Originally posted by sanne
guy's be glad all your ex's never cheated on you or did anything horrible like that. trust me, the pain of knowing that your entire relationship was a lie from day 1 is completely overwhelming, almost 10X more than just a regular breakup. And you know what, after all that she has done to me I still miss her and a part of me wants to see her again. It's like a drug addiction, you have got to stop completely, and go cold turkey. I know the only way I will get any better is if I cut off all contact for good. I'm hoping at some point I will not think about her daily and I will be able to move on. For now I'm just trying to survive each day.
She cheated on me, but it was before we were "official" so I couldn't argue with her. What I DID hammer her about was lying about it, even when I confronted her about it. She only admitted to it after HE told me about it. What a crappy way to find out, eh?
Quote:
That is a fantastic analogy! I love it. All I know is that at the moment, I am clinging on to hope that my ex wil come back. I am not ready to let go. But I know that when I do I will be ok
Then stick with NC as best you can! I know it's hard but it's mandatory.
Whoever said "It's better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all" was a moron. - Me
gawd i thought i was the only one on the planet who felt like that too. i hate that saying lol.
loss is so horrible i rather have been ignorant to loving someone like this and then losing them. i feel my life is almost ruined. it is for now. i walk around in a daze.
and the ladder metaphor is perfect. how i would like to get him on my ladder and shake it till he feels what i feel. haha :P
i just wish he would "get it" and be a bit more compassionate.
loss has never happened to me b4 and i was almost home-free at my age.
funny thing is i never wanted to get involved with him. he reeled me and and left me stranded.
guess that was the former him and this is the ladder ; )
great analogy
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