I am very sorry. But I hope you learned two very important lessons:
1.) You should not go checking other people's mail. Last I heard, that was illegal.
2.) Ignorance is bliss.
I am very sorry this happened though. Best advice I can give you is to move on.
EMMU this clearly shows that you are not fit to be in a FWB relationship right now. There is no formal reason for you to be upset by Mr. FWB, as it is a non-exclusive relationship. There is a reason, but that has to do with attachment. You are way too attached!
The best thing for you would be to break the FWB off completely, and focus on yourself. And don't get involved with men for a while. Because they do mess you up at the moment.
Accept that your relationship is over, and accept that you have serious issues. Work on your issues, as you deserve better than the pains you put yourself through. There is no shame in admitting that; do put in an effort to make yourself better.
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Doubts are more cruel than the worst of truths. - Molière
The only philosophy which can be responsibly practised in face of despair is the attempt to contemplate all things as they would present themselves from the standpoint of redemption. - Adorno
Sorry for the confusion regarding the FWB situation. You write with so little words, that it is sometimes hard to distinsguish between the ex-boyfriend and the man you have an FWB with.
And the fact that you told your FWB, clearly shows a major attachment. These things are left out of the bargain. It is sex without attachment, without emotional involvement. Talking about your ex clearly would not be allowed with that.
It clearly proves that you are not over your ex, if you have such a strong reaction; and there is no shame in admitting that, but it is foolish to deny that.
Sorry misread again! See above post for explanation. Forget the second line.
But why would you tell your ex boyfriend of your FWB? As to prove a point that you can f*ck too? One way or the other, it proves that you are either too attached to your ex, to your FWB, or both. You won't contest that, with regards to your ex boyfriend.
If your FWB meant nothing to you, you would not have mentioned it to your ex boyfriend; in a moment of extreme hurt you would have to make a conscious effort to drag FWB in the picture, unless you wanted to prove the point that you can f*ck too. Sure you read his email account and called him, thus breaking No Contact AGAIN.
Reading his email messages, is not something he will be appreciative of, and honestly, you should not be surprised if your ex boyfriend does not want to have anything to do with you. If you keep messing up, a restraining order might be on the way.
But seriously, even though I misread your messages twice (!), seriously consider everything that goes on in your life, with regards to men. You have been in a relationship for 5 years. For most people it would take a long while to get over the loss of that relationship.
You don't have to be Superwoman, but you don't need to inflict this pain upon yourself. And that is what you are doing, and after the event, you are trying desperately to believe that you are doing alright.
Why did you look at his email messages? There was no need to, and the relationship had been over for months. Even if you had doubts about a certain girl, you made these doubts real; and can only do that intentionally if you are not over your bf.
Yeah, I don't get it either. You can only "claim rights" on your exclusive boyfriend, not on your ex...or is it some new trend that ex BFs have to stay faithful too?
As much as I understood, you found out that he was cheating on you, but you were also cheating on him? Or did you just inform him that you have a FWB after you broke up although he cheated on you while you were together? I don't get how anything related to a former relationship can be up-to-date. Please explain!
wow. sighs. hard words from all. good intentions and good advise but........
you are on a good path. you know your emotions mess you up. thats a good sign : ) they did it to me too. sometimes we are too smart for our own good then become dumbfounded with our own actions. i am guessing you suspected something with your ex when u were together, and apparently still had feeling for him now, and you got curious and wanted to validate that he was not trustworthy when you guys were together by his following up with a relationship with this girl now? is that it? maybe you always suspected he wanted this girl or was secretly after her. he enjoyed the crush she had on him? and maybe you hoped there was still a chance with you guys, but when you discovered this information, you let your emotions mess you up by trying to get a rise out of him and told him about a FWB you had? am i getting this right? we make mistakes. young and old alike. i dont honestly know too many people whose emotions haven't run a muck with them, at one point in there lives. at this point you already know that he will probably never trust you again. but dont panic. he might ..who knows. i dont know what kind of a relationship you guys have now, but all you can do is apologize, own it, and tell him you let your old suspicions get the best of you and and the lingering feelings you had, made you lose your head momentarily. please please dont be too hard on yourself. i found something once too but it was when we were together and he never trusted me after that. but now you know. i dont know this whole situation of yours, but when i read you are so angry you want to choke yourself, i feel for you. look we are all human. the idea is to forgive yourself and ask him to forgive the invasion of his privacy too. if he cant he cant. but you can forgive you and have compassion for yourself. i'll bet youre really a good person. you are too hard on yourself. you want to get to the place where someday you will look back on this and say wow , i am glad i forgave myself and i wont look for trouble again. you can trust your judgment without delving. sometimes our judgment is off too. love makes us all nuts sometimes. if you feel the urge to cross those lines again..just remember the lesson in this time and go easy on yourself. good luck God bless. and next time remember these words "happy are those who are slow to anger" we dont have to yell out everything we feel. we can sought it out, think of the consequences and emember its not always a winning proposition to be right.
I didn't know this, when this happened all of sudden?
Pls see the following points ,
1. When you have broken up and started NC then there is no point brooding over the past and tracking your ex.
2.You knew the decisions due to which you broke off then what was the point in confronting him again.
3.Even if he slept with someone else or didn't sleep, how does it matter? there was to be no effect other than stress for you and see it happened. Even if he had remained celibate after breaking from you, was there any reconciliation in sight.
4.What was your objective of NC to move on or to get back to him later?
5.Lastly I know it makes one feel betrayed when you know that you have been dumped for someone else, the pain is felt at the time of dumpage and thats all. You should not try to relive your pain and when you came to know that this was the reason, it should have been made you more resolute to move on.
6.I know getting dumped due to someone else is painful and the other person should be honest to tell this but you know very few ppl in world are HONEST. Blunt honesty is better than flowery words but thats just me.
take care
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Love!!~ WTF is that ???
Last edited by greenhorn; 2nd April 2005 at 4:25 AM..
I'm with you girl. I sometimes wonder if my ex cheated on me or not during our 4 and 1/2 years relationship. But I don't care that much about him anymore.
IT's a huge blow to your self esteem, that much I can tell. At least you know now and you have a very good reason for getting over him. VERY GOOD REASON!!
I know that probably he's having a raw for your checking his email. HE could have changed the password - after a 6 years relationship, very little things are left unknown.
Don't beat yourself up for "should have, would have, could have" stuff. You did see the pics, you did let him know and he WAS indeed a son of a b!tch to you for cheating. HE cheated. Didn't he? Those pics were from the time when you were together I hope, weren't they????
I don't think that they were recent pics and that girl was the reason for EMMU getting dumped.
Infact most of the time dumping happens when the other one finds someone else and starts cheating and later they are caught cheating or they dump before getting caught.
I know dumpers will present plethora of reasons and like falling out of love or possessive or clingy but for me all these are bull*****. They are just trying to justify themself.
The only genuine reason might be when there is no third person involved but it happens rarely and most of what we hear is just lack of honesty to accept it.
recent pics..last weekend...
but he was talking to her from back then.
and oh...he got mad i could do a man with no strings attached...
and i told him that coz i wanted him to know, i can **** around too.
Originally posted by emotionsmessmeup
recent pics..last weekend...
but he was talking to her from back then.
and oh...he got mad i could do a man with no strings attached...
and i told him that coz i wanted him to know, i can **** around too.
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