I am sitting here coming down from a massive Friday night and wondering whether I had a great time or whether I am just out of control. I haven't had a weekend off drugs and alcohol in about a month so I thought this would be my sober weekend. I even arranged to have dinner somewhere with 6 friends, to stop me going out to bars after work. Well, I decided to have a quick drink with work colleagues and before you know it I've downed 4 glasses of wine, called my coke dealer and cancelled the dinner plans. I made a fool out of myself in front of a lot of people, just being a loudmouth and talking **** as coke always makes me do, and while I didn't say anything majorly damaging it's still embarresing. I spent about $200 on drinks (shouting everyone, as you do) and ended up by myself in some dodgy pub at 6am talking to a complete stranger who I was convinced could be the love of my life, but who I wouldn't touch with a ten foot pole if I was sober.

I've had a conversation about this with a few people and it seems like everyone is either doing it or has done it. I'm a highly paid professional too, so it's not like I'm hanging out with the dregs. I just tend to turn into one after my 8th vodka! I don't know what I'm asking... I don't let my partying get in the way of my job, but when the weekend hits it seems I just go all out. I get bored sitting at a table having dinner or going to the movies or something, I feel like every social activity should revolve around alcohol or drugs, otherwise I'm not getting maximum fun out of life.

If there are any like-minded people out there, or people who can relate to this lifestyle, I'd love to hear from you. No straighty-180's please, you just don't get it. Thanks!

[Groovy]

I used to live your lifestyle and come from a millionaire family. Your right, not just bums in the street do it. It doesn't make it any more glamorous though. A lot of men in my family do drugs and many friends growing up in my private school did it. But then I had a drug overdose, landed at the ER. That was 17 years ago. Now I hate the stuff and avoid it like the devil. I remember too when it was fun but it got to the point where it changed my life in a downward spiral.......