Am I wrong about thinking my wife shouldn't have guy friends.

CPLMarine2000 · 4th March 2005, 12:36 AM

My wife and I have been married for 3 months. She would like to hang out with her guy friends. They call her often. I have never met any of them. Her best friend is a male that plays in a rock band and she's been to once since we've been together but would like to go with her best female friend to another, they are all mutual friends.I know some have confessed there love for her. I don't trust men in general being in the Marines. It's hard to believe a single man would want to hang with my wife and have no feelings other then friendship for her. Am I in the wrong for not trust men hanging around my wife? I do trust her 100% but I don't trust other men hanging around her. Please give your opinion.

moimeme · 4th March 2005, 12:54 AM

Are you someplace where you can't accompany them to these events?

It drives me NUTS that men keep saying stuff like

Quote:

It's hard to believe a single man would want to hang with my wife and have no feelings other then friendship for her. Am I in the wrong for not trust men hanging around my wife

So what? If your wife is to be trusted, what's your problem?

Rosewilt · 4th March 2005, 1:04 AM

Just out of respect she should take you with her, you guys are def. not New Yorkers??

Devildog · 4th March 2005, 1:46 AM

Okay Hardcharger, what were you thinking get married while you are in the Corps? If the Corps wanted you to be married, they would have issued you a wife.

I can understand your concerns. But I wonder. You are unfamiliar with any of her friends, how long have you known her? You didn't hook up with and marry some Oceanslime skank did you? Those types are notoriously unfaithful. Please tell me this isn't some chick you found at a bar just outside base.

ttjames · 4th March 2005, 2:17 AM

I'd make an effort to meet her friends...

RowanRavyn · 4th March 2005, 4:22 AM

Your title implies one thing, your story another.

Are you right in thinking your wife shouldn't have male friends, or those specific male friends?

IF you really trust her, then trust her. Make an effort to meet these people. I find it strange that you haven't. I think the first thing most of us do when we become involved is to think "Wow, I can't wait for you to meet....(fill in the blank)".

bluechocolate · 4th March 2005, 5:26 AM

I have never met any of them.

Her best friend is a male .....

The strangest thing to me is that you haven't met your wife's best friend!

How long did you two know each other before getting married? I guess it was a small quick wedding, otherwise why weren't any of her friends there?

_Saffy_ · 4th March 2005, 5:34 AM

i think it is always a bad move to start making demands/accusations in any relationship.........especially due to your own insecurities.

Breathe · 4th March 2005, 6:06 AM

Being a CPL I assume you are fairly young - and also you see a lot of infidelity that goes on with fellow commands. Am I right? May this be one of the issues why you are insecure? If this bothers you now, how will you feel when you are deployed away from your wife? Will you trust her then?

So you have never met her friends and you are married - okay, a little late start but, make an effort to meet them. If these are innocent relationships with OM, then she shouldn't have a problem bringing you along. Why does she not invite you along? Is she ashamed of you, or ashamed of them? If not, you've got to wonder why.

Maybe after meeting the guy friends you will feel better. Your concerned with the unknown right now. In your mind you may picture these guys as a "Brad Pitt" but in reality they could be more of a "Clay Akin". Your imagination could be your worst enemy. Communicate with your wife about how you feel. No one is a mind reader and she can't fix what she doesn't know is wrong. Start here and then together, work out a solution that will make you both feel more comfortable.

Merin · 4th March 2005, 8:31 AM

It isn't okay IMO for you to think your wife shouldn't have male friends.

From what you've said SHE hasn't given you any reason to mistrust her.. so yeah.. you're allowing YOUR insecurities to drive you.

My EXBF is a Ssgt in the USMC.. wierd.. he was like this too. He had zero reason to not trust me and not only did he not want me to have any male friends, pretty soon he didn't want me to have any friends period.

Last thing here.. you said that you don't trust guys in general being that you're in the Marines.. hmm.. I'm sure you've heard "What happens on deployment stays on deployment" I'm pretty sure that statement isn't just for the Married/Attached FEMALE Marines.. would imply for the Married/Attached Male Marines as well... my point being.. you need to trust your wife, as she needs to trust you.. military marraiges and relationships can be very difficult.

Ladyjane14 · 4th March 2005, 8:41 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by Breathe
Maybe after meeting the guy friends you will feel better. Your concerned with the unknown right now. In your mind you may picture these guys as a "Brad Pitt" but in reality they could be more of a "Clay Akin". Your imagination could be your worst enemy.

This is good advice. Get to know who's who.

The good news is that if she's a smart girl, she'll figure out which friends are true, and which were just hoping to get into her pants.

I had lots of guy friends when I got married. But most of them just kind of drifted away after they figured out that I was seriously committed to my husband. The ones who stayed, were the ones who were only interested in friendship.

After all these years, I can only think of one that I see occasionally, and due to distance, contact with him is only incidental when I visit my family in my home state.

It's sad, but alot of 'friendly' guys aren't really interested in a girl's BRAIN.

Have some faith in the intelligence of the girl you married. You can't control her anyway, and some bridges are better crossed when you get to them. So, don't worry about things that haven't happened yet.

Devildog · 4th March 2005, 8:47 AM

Sorry to burst everyone's bubble here, but I really don't think this is your standard dated for 3 years before getting married situation. I would hope as a Corporal, this Marine would have enough sense not to fall for the whirlwind off base girl looking for any Marine to get her hooks into. But I really don't think he knew this girl for more than a few months at best.

Ladyjane14 · 4th March 2005, 8:59 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by Devildog
Sorry to burst everyone's bubble here, but I really don't think this is your standard dated for 3 years before getting married situation.

Well, if he didn't know her for very long, that would explain why he doesn't know her friends.

It might be wise for him to practice 'safe sex' until he knows her better if that is indeed the case. The side benefit to that is that there would be less chance of unwanted pregnancy until the marriage is more secure.

_Saffy_ · 4th March 2005, 9:02 AM

you guys are speculating here, you dont know any of that information, the poster has not hinted at being the stereotyped marine and im sure he wouldnt appreciate the way you are describing his wife.

Devildog · 4th March 2005, 9:23 AM

Saffy, I am the only one speculating here. But I have seen far too many of my fellow Marines in this situation. And this has alot of the tell tale signs. I don't lightly give counsel like this. I have a strong suspicion that my speculation is correct though.