Long story short....my bf cheated on me about 2 yrs ago. After some time, we got back together - and things have been great. I mean, HE has been fantastic in terms of helping me get through it all, and being patient and understanding when the emotions have overcome me. In fact, even tonight he just told me to get ready b/c he wants to take me out to a nice romantic restaurant - just because he wants to.
He's been perfect for the past 2 yrs..but I STILL feel this gaping hole. I constantly have this part of me that is not happy, and I havent been in love with him the same, like I was before. Now, I LOVE him...but I'm not sure I am in love like I used to be.
Is cheating a scar that never fully heals? Is this the best it is ever gonna get? Or, will I wake up one day and it won't be a big deal?
Unfortunately, depending on your willpower, cheating scars never heals. It is a wound waiting for salt to be put on it (if he cheats again). It is normal you are on a defensive and caution side because after all, rule number one in my book "Look out for yourself" if you need more evidence that this time won't repeat its course again, take your time to allow more of yourself into his life again as well as him. He's been perfect for 2 yrs means that he hasn't found another enticing offer yet so be mentally prepared that the worst might occur again so you won't fall into that black hole again. Be more independent and socialize more with friends and everyone.
it seems you are on the right track, by letting new feeling develope for your bf, after the "incident", and by realizing that the feelings you do have for him, it is love, but a different type of love.
if you are like me, the love i feel for my bf who cheated, seems to be more of a caring love, as opposed to a deep in live feeling...like i did feel.
__________________ .... you just wouldn't get it.....
I didn't even read the past the first sentence...You should never try to love a man again if he's cheated...once a cheater always a cheater...their are 2 things a life a woman shouldn't forgive a man for....cheating and hitting...if you still love him imagine what it will feel like to love someone who doesn' t cheat on you and loves you the way you should be loved....move on
I give you credit for giving him a second chance. My ex cheated on me and that broken trust will never be repaired. Some things are not forgivable. Cheating is one of them, IMO.
EIN: In all honesty, I don't feel that history is going to repeat itself with him. I don't ever feel threatened...so that isn't where my reservations about him come from. It's just that inability to be head over heels in love with him.
La Rubia Bonita: I think this is exactly what I am talking about. I care for him so incredibly much, and would not hesitate to do anything for him. But yes, I feel like it is a deep caring. Maybe this is a defense mechanism...maybe I havent LET myself love him yet, or maybe I just cannot. I don't know.
ICEISLES: Believe me, taking him back was HARD! I couldnt committ for a long time, and second guessed myself. My friends told me I was being stupid....it was hard. I don't regret taking HIM back, but faced with this again with him or any guy, I wouldnt take a cheater back. Now I know how hard it is, and I'm not sure I would muster up this sort of effort again. Would probably be easier to find someone new.
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