[b][font=century gothic][/font][color=darkblue][/color]I've been involved with my mm for 6yrs and it has been quite the rollercoaster!! For the first 6-7 weeks I didn't even know he was married even his parents never mentioned that he had a wife who would be moving to town soon and God help me I fell head over heels the moment I met him and I haven't been able to shake it. There has been plenty of drama and I went through a period where I didn't see him for almost 2years and that still didn't help me. During this period I had a child with another man (in some vain attempt to forget him and him and his wife and a second child) Now I working for his family and I'm so deep in this I don't know what to do.
YES I know I'm in the wrong. YES I know the odds are not in my favor but I did get a chance to talk to him and he said he couldn't have anyone else raising his kids so I told him that I would wait 15years (till the youngest is 18) but he needs to tell me now if that is just not what he wants. I don't think anyone can talk me out of this but him but I just really need to vent with people I feel understand the situation because my best friend who is happily married just thinks I should forget about him and move on. IF ONLY THAT WERE AN OPTION!!
Someone please just converse with me I just need some feedback for awhile he is away and it takes mail 2-3weeks to get to him and I still haven't gotten the answers that I need to make the moves in my life.
My friend was in a situation like yours and I just couldn't understand why she couldn't move on from him. For five years this guy drove her nuts and treated her like she didn't matter at all so eventually she cornered him and made him sya that she could move on . She needed to hear it from him; to get him to release her and that was the end of that. It wasn't that easy for him to say the words because he wanted to keep her dangling like that for the sake of his ego but she forced him to say those words and I think that's what you need to do as well. If that means going all the way to wherever he is, make that sacrifice. He probably won't want to let you go but don't give in to mind games. Go there when you have decided exactly what you want from him. Don't be manipulated into anything else. If this thing between you two happens 15 years from now, so be it but in the meantime, you need that release from this madness
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Can't love nobody till you love you ,so when you do love somebody you'll know what to do
But why would you be willing to wait 15 years? Can't you see what you would be missing out there.. you could be missing the perfect man. If he really loves you, he'll leave her. They'll still be raising the kids..
Originally posted by erika2610
But why would you be willing to wait 15 years? Can't you see what you would be missing out there.. you could be missing the perfect man. If he really loves you, he'll leave her. They'll still be raising the kids..
I haven't put my life on hold. Believe me I've tried moving on (if having a child and not seeing my MM for 2 1/2 years isn't trying to go on I don't know what is. But I can't shake him and until he tells me there is no hope I believe I'm here for life.
Location: Heaven won't take me, and hell's afraid I'll take over
Posts: 5,703
Quote:
Originally posted by CaughtUp
I haven't put my life on hold. Believe me I've tried moving on (if having a child and not seeing my MM for 2 1/2 years isn't trying to go on I don't know what is. But I can't shake him and until he tells me there is no hope I believe I'm here for life.
Is there ENOUGH hope in you waiting for 15 MORE years to pass you by?
Knowing he is still living with his wife and kids
Still being intimate with his wife
Spending all of his holiday with his wife and kids
Celebrating 15 more anniversarys with his wife
Providing for his wife
Taking vacations with his wife
The list is endless...
No one can hold you down or make choices for you UNLESS YOU ALLOW THEM TOO.
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Don't be mad at me when I'm mad at you.
yeah I have ENOUGH to go through all of that and more and the only thing that I don't think that I can deal with is if he walks up to me 15 years from now and tells me there is someone ELSE. I can even understand if after all that time he decides to stay with his W. That makes logical sense to me. Will it hurt like hell? YES. Will I live? YES My life isn't empty without him but it sure would be a whole lot more with him.
I'm open to the fact that maybe someone else out there maybe able to replace him that is why I'm going on with my life but until that person shows up he is IT.
Location: Heaven won't take me, and hell's afraid I'll take over
Posts: 5,703
Wouldn't be enough for me..
There already is someone else.. his wife.
Will 15 years more change that.. doubt it.
Will you're life go on.. yeah it will..
Will his go on with his wife.. again, yes it will..
You're mind is made up today, and maybe tomorrow.. for all I know maybe forever..
BUT the only person who is responsible for what goes on in your life is you and what you're willing to settle for.
Location: Heaven won't take me, and hell's afraid I'll take over
Posts: 5,703
Re: yeah your story
Quote:
Originally posted by CaughtUp
Are you just on a crusade to save us poor OW or have you been down this road whats the deal?
If I came across to you that I'm trying to save you because you're the OW that would be wrong.
I'm not trying to save anyone.. offer what I can.. take it or leave it ya know? You posted a question, I responded the way I personally feel.. I would tell you the same thing regardless if this guy was married or not.. waiting 15 years for someone to get thier sh*t together isn't something I personally would be down for..
You feel there is enough hope that maybe one day he will get it together and give you everything you want.. all you.. your choice to make.. I can't get on the bus in believing however that other people have control over choices we as individuals make.. saying that HE holds all the cards and there isn't anything you can do about it IMO is lame..
There is always another option.
Last edited by Merin; 24th February 2005 at 12:59 AM.
There just seems to be some anger in your replies and I just wondered if there was, where that came from, if you had been there or what. I'm not offended just curious.
I don't know if you are really understanding where I am. As far as the relationship goes with my MM yeah he holds all the cards because until he tells me its going nowhere (right now) I don't know how else to get over it, but my life is very full and I'm not sitting at home withering away waiting on him. I have my children first and foremost, I'm taking classes to become certified in the medical field, I date ( although they usually turn out to be frogs no matter how much I kiss ) I stay very active and busy. I didn't sit around Valentine's Day crying. Now do I still have my fantasys of him showing up at my door to tell me that he has left his W and I'm the only woman he wants to be with? YES . I've always been a romantic and I have an active imagination and this is the perfect breeding ground for that kind of thing ( I also have a great one about Orlando Bloom) but 15 years from now if he isn't in my life I'm not going to be standing around lost with no direction.
On the otherhand if he tells me that there is hope for a future with us I've also realized that I have never lived with this man and there is the off chance that we may get to be together and I go "God you make me ill get away from me" . I doubt that but you never know. Also if I get a chance to work on a life with him he (much like me) wants someone who is bringing something to the table and being a whining sniveiling pain in the rear end isn't the kind of person he would want to be with and if I do nothing but pine away for him that would be all I could be so I'm constantly doing things to grow and learn not for him but because that is who I am and we clicked so well because that is who he is too. I've asked myself the big questions and I test those questions and answers all the time to see what I'm willing to do.
CaughtUp, you might be dating, but as long as you are still stuck on this guy you are not really giving anyone else a fair chance. So I don't think you can honestly claim to be living your life in the meantime.
Like you said, you haven't lived with him, you don't know what he is like in a live in relationship or marriage. You have an idealized image of him from admiring him from afar. And if he isn't entirely devoted to his wife, how does that fit into your idealized image of him? Why do you believe that even though he won't leave his wife for you, and isn't 100% devoted to his marriage to his wife, that he will be devoted to you faithfully?
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I know the difference between right and wrong, I just don't care.
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Shut up, I'm not done blaming everyone who isn't me.
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"I have done that," says my memory. "I cannot have done that," says my pride, and remains inexorable. Eventually--memory yields.--Nietzsche
Originally posted by CaughtUp
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my best friend who is happily married just thinks I should forget about him and move on. IF ONLY THAT WERE AN OPTION!!
that most certainly is an option, my friend. but you are closing your eyes to reality.
""but 15 years from now if he isn't in my life I'm not going to be standing around lost with no direction."" why will then be any different than now? and a better question might be, if you really feel this way, then why are you waiting this long for someone that you feel you can live without????
dating a married man with young children is bad enough...thinking he will hang out another 15 years is just stupidity. within that time, his wife or children will find out, or he will find another woman, or he will see the error of his ways and work things out with his family--WITHOUT you. i mean, 15 YEARS? we could all be dead by then.
all you did was roll over and say "sure, you can have my free p*ussy services for another 15 years."
congratulations on selling yourself.
and just like merin, i have no story. i just have an uncanny ability to spot things that are ridiculous...like oblivion.
Last edited by GirlDown; 24th February 2005 at 8:33 AM.
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This Need is Driving me insane!!!
or have you been down this road whats the deal?
) I stay very active and busy. I didn't sit around Valentine's Day crying. Now do I still have my fantasys of him showing up at my door to tell me that he has left his W and I'm the only woman he wants to be with? YES 
. I've always been a romantic and I have an active imagination and this is the perfect breeding ground for that kind of thing ( I also have a great one about Orlando Bloom) but 15 years from now if he isn't in my life I'm not going to be standing around lost with no direction. 
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