Got a text this morning from ex that I instigated NC with one week ago:
'Hi sweetheart. not talking but it wld be nice to know you are ok? that u are eating a git, not smoking not boozing and no mad spending sprees? i miss you'.
what do you make of that please? i sent pretty curt response saying that i was fine and thanking him for his concern.
yours did to you exactly what mine did to me on valentines day...........checked in to see if ya still dangling.
and you did to yours exactly what i did to mine on valentines day...........you responded and proved you are.
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"I get a kick out of being an outsider constantly. It allows me to be creative. I don't like anything in the mainstream and they don't like me." - BILL HICKS
My reply was very factual - I'm Ok, busy and getting on with things. Not a sweetheart to be had! I was actually quite pleased with myself!
He is a very nice, honourable bloke (see previous thread) and I don't think he is trying to manipulate me. He is also pretty emotionally naive for a 37 year old, and I think he is just saying how he is feeling at the time.
I think he is trying to do the right thing, so I don't want to be a complete b*tch to him, you know? So consensus is there isn't much to read into that then? I was hoping someone was going to tell me that he was regretting his decision!
C'mon.... I put a smiley face at the end of it.
Truth is... I've been that situation before... and learned from it. I just thought it was funny about the no contact comment, and then making contact. Kinda defeats the purpose, ya know? Of course it's hard... I'll be the first one to admit that.... in fact, I'm going through it now. HATE IT! But it's making me a better person for it.
Quote:
I was hoping someone was going to tell me that he was regretting his decision!
There is a slight chance of this. Why else would he want to contact to you? His mind is probably racing just like yours. Which usually leads to self doubt and breaking contact. He was probably thinkin'.... "Hmmm, why haven't I heard from her... wonder how's she's doing... wonder if she's with someone else? Geez, I hope not.... maybe I should find out if she still thinks about me... Yea, I'll think I write her short note..."
"Ahhhh a response... and wasted no time getting back to me either..... Yup, she loves me."
Well he won't have got anything from my reply... if the tables were turned that would have me even more curious, you know... getting on with it implies that I am surviving (even though I'm not really).
He did say that some time apart might be what he needs, but I always got the impression that was largely to break it to me gently (although he did say this unprovoked). It sucks - if I am not into someone, I am over them and do not need to know whether they are 'on a spending spree' etc. I would never dump someone and leave the door open, or be ambivalent about it/ have second thoughts.
if I am not into someone, I am over them and do not need to know whether they are 'on a spending spree' etc. I would never dump someone and leave the door open, or be ambivalent about it/ have second thoughts.
Am I unusual in this?
No you are not, because the above is me too. I wouldn't mail/text an ex, if I was over them/wanted nothing more to do with them, because in doing stuff like that, you may be giving your ex false hope and I wouldn't want to do that. It's 'insensitive' to say the least.
I reckon ex's that still text/mail, etc are obviously still exes that carry a lot of feelings, are unsure of if they've done the right thing or not, hence their keeping you hanging on. An ex who doesn't give a crap about you, wouldn't text/mail you.......IMO anyhow.
Maybe its a man thing? Men out there??? Or are the ones that are on these forums sensitive souls who wouldn't dream of sending mixed messages?
I know he cares for me as a person, but he has frequently broken the NC thing since I asked him to observe it, and that smacks of someone who is not at all comfortable with being 'broken up'. People tell me not to read anything into these things, but it is quite hard...
I know he cares for me as a person, but he has frequently broken the NC thing since I asked him to observe it, and that smacks of someone who is not at all comfortable with being 'broken up'.
Well ya know, you do have a choice as to whether you answer his texts or not. You are asking him to observe this 'no contact', yet you are failing to keep to it yourself and he knows you are. He's probably laughing himself daft at how so easily you lose your resolve when it comes to him!!
I wouldn't answer anymore texts/emails. Stick to what you say and mean it! He'll get the shock of his life!!
youre probably right, but we never had a game-playing relationship - hes 37 and has been married, so has a bit of experience. he genuinely cares for my welfare and i thought it would be really quite cruel to ignore his 4th attempt to get in touch. He won't provoke me again though.
Originally posted by Tonia2
Maybe its a man thing? Men out there??? Or are the ones that are on these forums sensitive souls who wouldn't dream of sending mixed messages?
Wow, that one literally made me laugh out loud. I don’t think it is always intended, but mixed messages are always sent at some time in the relationship
Yeah, but thats my point. There isn't meant to be a relationship anymore. When I break up with someone, there are absolutely no mixed messages. It is clean and decisive. See what I mean?
Hey I don't understand this aspect of the No Contact thing - Ok, some break time is needed, but after a while if you DON'T reply back to him then aren't you just screwing with his head and making him think you really don't care when you actually DO? I mean, is it really such a bad thing for him to say "Yup, she loves me"/she's in my control.
If you really do love him and care for him, then aren't you sending him the RIGHT message by responding the way you want? Whatever happened to just being up front with people? Gah.
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But it's making me a better person for it.
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