[burdened]

im soo confused about choosing between my family and my bestfriend, who is also my boyfriend. my family wanted me to stay in this country where i am right now (i came back last october to settle some family matters, not intending to stay too long) because they say that i will have a "better life" in this place, but i dont really see that right now and also in the long run.. in fact, why would they want me to stay here when they are planning to move us to california in the next 2 years?? i still need my parents support for my college education (culture stuff..& i guess they didnt really train me to stand firm on my own two feet..) and they said that i should support myself if ever i choose to go back to my own country, knowing that i have absolutely nothing to start with.

on the other side, i have been with my boyfriend for almost 5 years now and have been bestfriends with him for almost 8 years. he has 1 more year to finish his bachelors degree, and in 3-4 years he will be a liscenced architect. he has been there for me more than my family has ever been, my family might ignore my problem but he would listen & even find realistic solutions to the problems. i've had lots of successes with him and im not just saying this because im in love with him but because all of this is true.

he was telling me that when we get married he wants me to be a housekeeper, even if i finish a masters degree. he doesnt want me to work because he is well aware of my fragile health. so when he heard about the consequences that if i go back to my home country (where he is) my parents will not support my education, he was actually happy because he really wanted to take care of everything. he told me to stop thinking about college anymore (to reduce headaches) and that all i need to do is to get myself back there with him. i trust him but coming from a broken family where my biological father is never a good model, it is hard to trust him with all my heart. i mean, were not married yet and even if we are in a great long-term relationship, what if i go back there and he changes his mind and leaves me?

i was thinking about studying here and then going back to my home country (il still have to try to fight severe depression), so i can be assured that i receive educational help and employment in the future.. and make my parents and family happy for goodness sakes.. however, that will be a really long time for my boyfriend to wait! he already waited for me for two long years and now he's waiting for me again and its been 4 months now. i feel that i really am being unbelievably unfair to him. i never want to hurt him, i dont want him to go through the gruelling time of being alone again. when i got back with him the 1st time that i went away he told me that it was like a nightmare how we couldnt be with each other. i thought about ending this relationship with him so that he will not need to wait for me and suffer, but will that be a good idea? wouldnt i hurt him badly if i do that?? i dont want to let him suffer because of me but at the same time i cant stand the fact that he is going to end up with somebody else and being his bestfriend that i might also end up attending their wedding!

i dont know which path to follow. please i need to make a decision and i need it fast!

i dont know if any of you guys do understand me, but i'd really appreciate your suggestions and advice. if my story is unclear to you please dont hesitate to ask me.

ill wait for your comments. thanks.