[Darkiya]

Hey, I've had these sort of relationships before particularly when I was in college and I did not want the commitment of some needy, jealous, demanding fellow always wondering when I would dote on him. I'm a realist and so that puts a huge damper on many of my romantic flings because I can't date a guy who isn't realistically going to last or be able to keep up with my high standards. "Friends" are much easier to comeby and especially in college it's easier to find a "friend" than it is a commited boyfriend.

Here are some tips for anyone considering it.

1. Don't try to change him/make him want to date you: If you're not content being just a friend with some added benefits then don't start the relationship to begin with. Either stay "just" friends or leave him be to chase someone else. You'll be setting yourself up for a world of hurt otherwise.

2. Don't be the affair: At least for any moral woman it doesn't make sense. Even if you don't want to date him women are being stomped on too much by men and society for you to allow this to happen. Tell him to keep his dick in his pants or dump his own girl before he starts chasing after others. The affair is an ugly, ugly thing and no woman should allow herself to be a part of it. And if you are breaking rules 1 and 2 you should smack yourself back into the land of the sane... if he'll cheat on his girl he'll cheat on you too.

3. Don't be exclusive: Date other guys, see other guys, do something with other romatic or sexual interests besides this one guy or you might risk growing attached or dependent on him. It's a very, very rare woman who can screw one guy exclusive and not grow at least semi-attached to him.

4. Communicate: If you decide later down the road you don't want to screw with him anymore--let him know! He's your friend first so you should be able to talk to him. You should always communicate your feelings to make sure that no ill will is ever found between you.

5. Don't force him to do "girly" things: Don't make him go shopping unless he enjoys shopping. Don't make him do 'boyfriend' things with you unless he wants to. Hanging out, going to the movies, that sort of thing is fine but don't expect it.

6. Be understanding: If he calls it off, if he needs space, if he decides to date some other woman exclusively be happy for him! You can be a great friend even without benefits and though this is the end of your relationship you should be happy for him!

7. Don't be dependent: You can live without a man. Do not look for a few "benefits" to make yourself feel desirable or pretty. You are a wonderful woman even without some horn dog licking at your heels. If you are not emotionally stable on your own you should -never- give any man any sorts of benefits friend or boyfriend.

8. BE SAFE! -Always- use protection no matter how much he begs and pleads you have -no- idea where he's been and having a baby with this man is the last thing you should ever want. Even if he does feel commited to take care of you after having the baby such forced strings can grow to malicious hate when unplanned. Save such luxuries for a commited husband or long-term doting boyfriend. Also, you should get yourself (and try to get him as well) to get tested frequently. I go every 6 months or so and before/after changing partners. There are far too many STDs in the world not to be safe.

9. Have fun! That's the point isn't it?

10. Never have relations with anyone from work: This is a set-up for disaster. You could lose your job over it or receive nasty scorn from other co-workers if it got out. I don't care how hot, nice, or irresistable he is if you open that cookie jar your hand will almost surely be bitten.


Last thing is... do not let him treat you like a prostitute or some sort of booty call expected to work around his schedule. You are a woman... a proud, intelligent, independent woman who does not need a man to fullfill your life. Love your body, love your mind, love your soul. There are plenty of men out there who will give you everything you want... so one man doesn't have to be the end all, save all.

[Magus]

Those are good suggestions. Thing is most people find their "friends" at work, where they hang out, or through other friends. So, what you say won't work for some of the women that are lucky enough to see it.