Have I ruined it?

crbelljn · 24th January 2005, 12:33 PM

Have I ruined it?

I just met this wonderful guy last Friday at a club. He gave me his card and I called him the next day in the afternoon. We talked on the phone for a while and he asked me if I wanted to go out for coffee. I told him I had a prior commitment with my friends to go to this concert at 9:00pm, but he insisted in that it was early (around 6:00 pm) and that he would pick me up and drop me off at the concert. Well, it turned out that it took him almost an hour to dig his car out of the snow (we had just had a blizzard that morning…) and he got lost finding in his way to me. He picked me up at nine just to drop me off where I had to meet my friends. It was a nice ride and we talked.
He left a message late that night for me to call him after the concern on my way back home. He wanted to make sure I was OK. So, I did call him and we talked for an hour.
Then Yesterday we talked again and I asked him if he wanted me to go see him so that he could practice his dancing (he is very interested in learning salsa) but he said he had to study for a quiz today. I felt a total idiot! I really like him and I do not know if I am trying to hard. I am afraid that by the things I say to him he realizes that I want him desperately.

What do you think? A good advise will help me tremendously, but in a way I know that what I should do is to hold my horses…

Hund1976 · 24th January 2005, 12:38 PM

Wait for him to call and ask you out again. I don't think you did anything to scare him away. He was also being pretty forward calling you so much and everything.
But for right now I would just relax and see what happens. If he likes you he'll call you and ask you out.

Merin · 24th January 2005, 12:41 PM

He drove through a blizzard just to pick you up then drop you off.. so do I think you've hurt your chances of dating this guy.. no way!

Obviously he is interested in you, and just because he had to study for a test when you had offered to come by and see him doesn't mean anything.. no more than it meant you didn't want to see him although you had already made other plans right?

Relax here.. breathe..

Let him call you the next time.. don't take it so personally if or when he has somethings to get done.. you'll be fine

Good Luck

crbelljn · 24th January 2005, 12:55 PM

Thank you so much! I am just worried I said or did something that might have scared him away.
I have gone through two really bad relationships and I have been in pretty bad emotionally shape for the last century....

I though I would not find someone that would rock my world again (I have someone that he wants me but I am not attracted by him) and just of the sudden this guy. He is so cute!!!!

I stared talking about my past and asking him aslo about his, and he asked me not to talk about that....I got the message that was smart.

Merin · 24th January 2005, 12:59 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by crbelljn
Thank you so much! I am just worried I said or did something that might have scared him away.
I have gone through two really bad relationships and I have been in pretty bad emotionally shape for the last century....

I though I would not find someone that would rock my world again (I have someone that he wants me but I am not attracted by him) and just of the sudden this guy. He is so cute!!!!

I stared talking about my past and asking him aslo about his, and he asked me not to talk about that....I got the message that was smart.

Emotionally baggage from past relationships can be very difficult to deal with and get over..

Something I told my BF.. I will carry his "baggage" on occassion.. BUT I cannot and will not carry it on a constant basis..

Everyone has some baggage.. just keep things in perspective.. don't lump this new guy into the "assclown bin" (LOL I know it's hard not to!)

Give the relationship time to grow..

crbelljn · 24th January 2005, 1:25 PM

Thanks, I will do that!

My other concern is that I need to be very careful this time. I have always listened to my hart before than to my head. I have endec up in long term relationships with 2 guys that did not diserved me.

I have also met 2 other ones that my reason I know they would have been good to me, but neither of them have that thing that drives me nuts.... Silly right? But for more than I wish to setle for the right one, I can't if I dont feel the butterflies in my stomach.

This guy has that, but he is younger that me and I practically know nothing about thim. I like him, but I have to be carefull. But how if by now I am totally into him??? That is scary....

FrancoPUA · 24th January 2005, 3:54 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by crbelljn
Have I ruined it?

I just met this wonderful guy last Friday at a club. He gave me his card and I called him the next day in the afternoon. We talked on the phone for a while and he asked me if I wanted to go out for coffee. I told him I had a prior commitment with my friends to go to this concert at 9:00pm, but he insisted in that it was early (around 6:00 pm) and that he would pick me up and drop me off at the concert. Well, it turned out that it took him almost an hour to dig his car out of the snow (we had just had a blizzard that morning…) and he got lost finding in his way to me. He picked me up at nine just to drop me off where I had to meet my friends. It was a nice ride and we talked.
He left a message late that night for me to call him after the concern on my way back home. He wanted to make sure I was OK. So, I did call him and we talked for an hour.
Then Yesterday we talked again and I asked him if he wanted me to go see him so that he could practice his dancing (he is very interested in learning salsa) but he said he had to study for a quiz today. I felt a total idiot! I really like him and I do not know if I am trying to hard. I am afraid that by the things I say to him he realizes that I want him desperately.

What do you think? A good advise will help me tremendously, but in a way I know that what I should do is to hold my horses…

Are you sure you feel really attracted to him? He is interested yes but he seems to act like a nice guy.. Also by being too active you are acting Yang.. you should act more Yin and let him lead you.. but if he is so nice will he lead?

crbelljn · 24th January 2005, 4:12 PM

I like the nice way you put it - Yin / Yang
And you are right: "when Yin and Yang put their act together, they produce everything that comes into existence...."

I think he has what it takes to lead....We'll see; and yes, I am very attracted to him!

Thanks for the advice, it was very clever.

crbelljn · 27th January 2005, 2:01 PM

Ok, here is the latest,

We have not seen each other again, but we have been talking on the phone every day, especially at night for over two or tree hours.

I was out of town on a business trip and, guess what he said? That he was looking for an airfare to come see me. I told him I was not sure what he was trying to accomplish with that, but that if he though he could stay with me, he was totally wrong. I told him I wasn’t the kind that neither sleep with friends nor get into intimacy so easily even early in a formal relationship. Then he said he did not know that and that after he thought it over, that that was not really what he wanted anyways… (He was just testing the waters).

Days later he told me he had been in a relationship for over 8 years and that he was not sure were he was standing about it and did not know what was going to happen with that relationship. He also mentioned that he still had feelings towards his ex.

I told him I also was recovering from a recent divorce and that I wasn’t looking for a relationship; that I needed time to learn to love myself and be happy with me only.

I am glad that he has been honest with me about his actual purpose of our closeness: to me a platonic friendship. I worry, and do not know what to do. I like him and I am afraid that he is just entertaining himself with our phone conversations. What do your thing I should do?