[font=arial][/font]Hi my problem is a bit of a embarrassing one but one many women have probably had at one time or another.
Ihave a wonderful husband who i love very much and would do anything for he is a little bit of a selfish lover but the sex is great however i have never had a orgasm with him or any other man so i started to think maybe it was me.
I decided to take the plunge and buy a vibrator to find out a bit about myself if you know what i mean and it was fantastic however today to my horror my husband found it.
now my hubby is great but he is most unreasonable when he is not happy and hurt, i tried to gloss it over by saying i brought it for us to play with in the bedroom but he is not happy.
He was disgusted with me says he doesnt want to look at me let alone talk i just dont know what to do please could anyone help me by giving me some advice opinions so on i'm feeling awful now so be kind.
What your husband is feeling right now could be catagorized as "penis envy" Right now he is probably thinking that you feel that HE is not enough or Good Enough for you. He is p*ssed to think that you would go behind his back, purchase a vibrator and use it, probably taking more pleasure in it than you do with him.
I am sure that you did not intent to hurt him.......but you did. Imagine if you found a blow-up doll? How would you feel?
Good luck getting past this with him. You really should have told him and gotten him to go with you but.........oh my! You're in a tight spot now!
You are going to have to wait for your husband to approach you on this topic - don't push it with him and stop walking around with your eyes cast to the floor. Hold your head up......you did'nt have sex with a stanger...there are worse things that you could have done.
Tell your husbank what you told us and just keep repeating it until he understand that all you wanted was a little self discovery so that you could enjoy sex a lot than you have in the past/
Have you ever experienced an orgasm at all before buying the vibrator?
I mean, were you ever able to reach orgasm with masturbation?
If this is the case explain to your husband that you thought the best thing you could do to improve your chances of having an orgasm during sex is experiencing one first. And you thought that the easiest way for a woman to orgasm is using a vibrator.
Tell him that you just wanted to find out something more about yourself.
Are there any chances that your husband feels insecure/offended because the vibrator has a very phallic shape and is smaller than his penis?
Any chances he might have got the idea that you wanted to send him a message like "you suck in bed, so I had to get myself a vibrator"?
Perhaps he feels bad about himself because he feels like it's his "fault" if you never had an orgasm.
Perhaps he regards vibrators the same way quite a lot of women look at porn?
Does he have issues with you masturbating?
Try to talk to him.... and to find out what exactly made him upset.
You'll never know what the real problem is unless he tells you.
I would try to spin it a little, and say you were trying to improve your sex life together. You want to be able to orgasm with him, but first you needed to find out if you could orgasm at all. You were embarassed about buying the vibrator, and felt uncomfortable telling him about it.
And be sure to tell him that many women have problems having an orgasm through intercourse alone.
Is he upset by you not telling him, or is he upset by the fact that you have a sex toy? I guess to defuse his anger, you'll have to know what it causing it. Is it insecurity? Is he angry over what he might see as dishonesty on your part?
I am completely understanding where you coming from - I assumed that the physically exhausting mindblowing orgasms didn't really exist. Until I gave myself one! I never, ever have been able to experience that absolutely intense (almost painful) release with anyone before and I'm in my 30's. Don't get me wrong - I enjoy being with my husband and we have great and pleasurable sex - but I don't have the same sort of physically intense orgasms that I can give myself. Luckily my husband is completely understanding, and what I do to myself has no negative effects on our sex life. It helps that my husband is a generous lover, and secure with himself and his abilities.
To help in your situation - you'll have to identify what about it exactly makes your husband so angry and try to work through it. Is he open to exploring sexual things that will help you enjoy your lovemaking more?
__________________ No man chooses evil because it is evil; he only mistakes it for happiness, the good he seeks. --Mary Wollstonecraft
If it were me I'd probably say something like "gee hun, if you don't like this surprise I guess you're going to hate the butt plug I bought for you!"
You need to make sure he understands that HE is not responsible for YOUR orgasm. Men don't always understand this (some women don't either). Its not an easy concept because men (generalization here) take things like this very personal. They feel responsible if you don't have a good time. If you go to a movie together and the movie stinks and he says, "bad movie, huh?" and you say "Yes" he's going to apologize or feel somehow responsible. (still generalizing here)
Don't apologize for having the vibrator, but apologize for buying it without him knowing about it, or taking his feelings into consideration.
now my hubby is great but he is most unreasonable when he is not happy and hurt, i tried to gloss it over by saying i brought it for us to play with in the bedroom but he is not happy.
He was disgusted with me says he doesnt want to look at me let alone talk i just dont know what to do please could anyone help me by giving me some advice opinions so on i'm feeling awful now so be kind.
This might be a blessing in disguise because the only reason why you bought the vibe was to please yourself. This might be a good opportunity to sit and talk about WHY you bought it in the first place. He is hurting and upset because deep down he probably knows he has not satitisfied you the way you deserve to be pleased by him.
My husband is good in bed...I sometimes help him along if you know what I mean and he takes no offensive to this. I don't get sex as much as I would like, he is the one telling me go and buy the vibe! I don't care!! SO I am going to buy one and he said he has no problems with me using it and is willing to use it together as well. Will make it more fun in bed.
Your husbands confidence has been shaken. Just tell him you love him and this is not about him, was not meant to hurt him and even ask him if HE masterbates alone. To me, there is NO difference.
I have used a vibrator a with boyfriend who was quite good in bed. The last boyfriend, not so good in bed and didn't like it when I did stuff like that...anything on my own. I think that's the way the cookie crumbles. If he's good he has little to fear. If he's bad he has been replaced.
Guys make sex out to be more important than it is I think. I mean I love it, but it's not everything. When you tell a guy he's not good enough in bed so you got a battery operated orgasm....I don't see that ever going well.
I used to have a g/f that was on anti depressants and the only way she could orgasm was with one of her 20 some odd vibrators. They were kept under the bed and each has a pet name.
She was the only woman I slept with ever who could not orgasm thru regular sex but it was cause of the meds. So I did not feel bad but did feel a little inadequate nonetheless.
We would finish having sex, I would squirt. The she would go under the covers laying right next to me and I'd hear.....buzzzzzzzzzzzzz
I think all women should have a virbator. It is great for just you and your alone time or when you are with your husband. You should tell him that yall should use it together and he should see that it is not like he is not pleasing you it just adds to yalls experience!
This is my first post here and thought I'll join and give my 2 cents worth to someone.
You see a vibrator is a coomon thing among women these days- irrespective of age, relationship status etc. so you dont have anything to feel ashamed of- you should celebrate your sexuality. My advice would be to boost your hubby's ego- coz I think thats his problem. tell him you fantasised about using that when you were both together. ask him to use that on you- believe me if you can managew that- the effect would be better than working it yourself. cheers and good luck
Please note: The suggestions and advice offered on this web site are opinions only and are not to be used in the place of professional psychological counseling or medical advice. If you or someone close to you is currently in crisis or in an emergency situation, contact your local law enforcement agency or emergency number.
My husband found my vibrator!!!!!!!!
You're in a tight spot now!
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