[LiveLoveLaugh]

I told myself I would not get depressed over the Hoilday, but I can feel it slowly creeping in, and I find myself fighting to hold back tears at work. I realized that I will not have my kids this year for Christmas Day, I get them Christmas Eve. My brother, who I have not spoken to for almost a year will be over Christmas day, and I am not in the mind set to rehash or reconcile our rift. I still hurt over it, and he feels he did nothing wrong. My mom and sister want me to give in. My brother never does anything wrong and I am tired of it. I want to get a room at the beach, and just hole up for the night with a good book, alchohol, some smoke and cable t.v. Why can't anyone just respect that? Especially in light of the major change I have just made? Instead, I'm being made to feel guilty, wrong, and bad, my feelings do not count at all. My mom said to me today "can't you just try to be happy and not ruin christmas?" I had to leave the room.
I'm afraid I will lose it if I am forced to spend the day pretending that everything is ok when it is not. Am I being selfish?

[magda]

How are they forcing you?

One thing - about your brother. You say he's never wrong. Maybe nobody has to be right or wrong in your situation.

I say that if you can't be pleasant over Christmas, you're not going to do anybody any favors by being around. So make plans for the beach to wallow in your self-pity.

[Sukotto]

Hell no.

If running away to some foreign city does it for you then go for it, i'd love to just be able to go away and watch some tv, eat pizza and drink some beer.

[moon]

If you really want to be away from your family on Christmas and you feel you will feel worse with them, why don't you book yourself into a hotel 50 miles away and just spend the time alone? Who is forcing you to hang out with your family?

In regards to your brother, I'd try to work it out with him. I recently reconciled with my sister after two years of not talking. I am amazed at how our relationship has changed. Not talking for us was exactly what was needed. Actually she is younger and liked to blame me for things, so I just got really angry with her and stopped talking to her. I had always been nice to her and sort of took her guilt trip. When it hit her that I was serious, she felt really bad. I guess she felt bad for a long time. I didn't even know it because I was living far away. When I came back recently she approached me and wanted to be friends again. It is a great feeling. We totally respect each other now and have a really good relationship. Go figure!!!??? I didn't think it was possible. One thing I didn't do was take all the blame for us not talking. I stood my ground and told her what she did wrong too. She acknowledged it and we could move on from there. Your siblings are not your parents. They can be used by your parents as pawns when you are young to put together their teams against another parent or just as their source of comfort. But remember your parents will die someday and you should try to keep close with your siblings if you can. Try and make an effort......with out your mother hanging around telling everyone you "ruined Christmas." It sounds like she's got a real chip on her shoulders anyway. Leave her out of it. This is between you and your brother. Remember that!!

[LiveLoveLaugh]

Originally posted by magda
How are they forcing you?

One thing - about your brother. You say he's never wrong. Maybe nobody has to be right or wrong in your situation.
I say that if you can't be pleasant over Christmas, you're not going to do anybody any favors by being around. So make plans for the beach to wallow in your self-pity.

Guilt trip. My bro is 38, my mom treats him like he is a kid with no realization of his actions.
No, he is definitly wrong here.
I don't consider wanting to spend a day alone as wallowing in self pity. I am not one of those people who can't go to dinner or a movie alone. I have no problem with it. And If I stayed, I would not be unpleasant, that is beneath me. I would force a smile and pretend, and sacrafice my own feelings to make everybody happy. That is what they expect because that is how I have always been. The good sister who never complains, takes all the crap, babysat for everyone, my siblings w/ kids, all lived with me at one time or another, I visit the parents regularly, and I have never asked anything of them. "Family" doesn't mean automatic forgive and forget.