[smurfgirl]

Hi i need help, i will try to keep it short

i am suppose to be going to england to see my fiance on dec 3,(im from colorado) im suppose to stay with him until jan 12, we have our interview with the consulate in london so he can be granted his K1- Fiance Visa, so he can come into america and marry me . Im american 23, he is british 23, weve been dating for almost 4 years, we met online but its not a internet relationship

i lived in England with him for a year , and we have went back and forth to see each other alot, so we really do know each other well , i know his family , they love me and think we are perfect for each other , im family to them not just a internet fiance

my problem is i have not saw my bf since the end of January this year, we have been stuck away from each other for almost 11 months, we have never had sex with other people just each other, and i do not enjoy him sexually, but i have always just went along and ignored it because i loved him so much , ( the problem is he is big, i am not, so sex is pretty miserable for me, its actually to the point im sort of affraid to have sex with him )

to his credit everything except sex is good with him, we do satisfy each other,he is my best friend, and i cant imagine life without him , but he just cant get me off during sex because its too painful and just not even possible

my problem is ..... im really affraid to see him , i miss him like crazy , and have been miserable without him, but now im about to see him again , im more affraid then when we first met 4 years ago for the first time......

im affraid i dont love him anymore, and he would be devastated if i didnt, the reason i think this is ........ im scared to see him ,and i find myslef having sex dreams about other men, his brothers, friends, guys i dont know, everyone but him ....... and i think if i loved him i wouldnt dream such stupid horrible things......

also i have a father who is 83, has cancer and i would like to spend christmas with him, this will be the third christmas i have spent in england i just dont feel like going ...... and my cat just had surgery .....im horrified my cat or my dad will die when im gone.......

i feel like im picking between my dad and him , and my dad does not have long , but my ticket is already booked , its non refundable.....so i will have to just completely break up with him to not use it

should i just tell him i feel differently and i dont want to come over, or should i just go over because deep down i love him , i feel completely distressed over the entire thing ....i really think alot of it is the distance and time apart , but i feel like puking when i think of going to see him on dec 3

before this time apart besides the sex everything was perfect , i miss him so much , but im terrified to see him , im affraid i wont love him in person, and i would never hurt him on purpose...... i just feel so mixed up, i wear my engagement ring, ive never been unfaithful , the problem is when i wear it now i dont feel excited, it just feels like work ........ because weve been stuck in paperwork with immigration so long .......

PLEASE HELP

[moimeme]

How does it feel if you think about never, ever seeing him or speaking to him again?

[smurfgirl]

it feels horrible i cant imagine life without him, i just have never felt affraid to see him before, or had weirdo sex dreams about other people, its really threw me for a loop , ive tried to talk to him about my issues with it, he says not to worry about it , once i see him everythign will be fine, he knows i love him , and is not even worried,

the problem is i feel like i would rather die then board my flight on dec 3, i feel excited and terrified at the same time, i do want to see him, i think i just dont want ot have sex , and he does, says i will want to also once im there

i dont think he takes me serious about how miserable having sex with him makes me

[Queen B]

It sounds like you're really torn up.

I think maybe all the stress of your dad being sick (and your cat) is really making difficult things, like a LDR, even harder.

A word about the sex...if babies can come out of it, a penis, no matter how lerge shouldn't be that bad. It's only a matter of proper lubrication, trust and being relaxed...so I think there's hope for your sex life yet...it doesn't sound like you've really had a lot of time to work on that part of your relationship.

Back to the tickets...can you change the dates on your ticket? Some airlines will let you do it for a fee. What about a compromise to go on the 3rd, go to your interview at the consulate and then come back early to spend time with your family, maybe bring the Fiancé with you? I'm just thinking that immigration can be sticky anywhere so not showing up for an interview now might hurt you down the road.

Really though, I think this is a very special circumstance and only a total hardass would be mad at you for spending time with your father who has CANCER! If you've been together for 4 years than a few more months is not going to be the end of the world. This few months will also give you time to evaluate your relationship.

[smurfgirl]

i am completely torn between my dad and my fiance, my dad has known im going for about two months, but he is very old and forgets things, well yesterday my mom was asking me something about it and my dad started crying, does not want me to go at all , his eyes filled with tears and im completely miserable

my fiance does not understand why i am overly attached to my cat, but i dont really have any girlfriends, they all moved away , and i take care of my dad most of the time so i cant go out and make new ones, my other family members including my mother never help take care of my dad unless im completely out of the country, my mother has even moved out in the last month

so my even going to see my fiance has became increasingly more difficult, and then to add doubts on top of it has me so weighed down with guilt , im just sitting here bawling and miserable

as for the lubrication/size issue, weve done just about everything u can i think to fix that....... i even saw a doctor about our sex problems because everytime we have sex i get torn, or i get a urinary tract infection , so anticipating my trip in dec i went and talked to a dr , and he gave me pills to take everytime before we have sex so it will prevent my getting a urinary tract infection , because he says im very prone to them

the truth of the matter is sex just makes me miserable, when i lived in england with my fiance i was at the hospital or doctor every week , i hate having sex , i dont care if i never have it again

as for my sex dreams, im not a cheater, and i would certainly never have sex with his friends or brothers i just think i wonder sometimes if i would have the same problem with every man , or if its just his size or the way he does it i dont know

has anyone else had this problem >?

[smurfgirl]

Also im not sure if the tickets are changeble or not, but the fiance is having none of it, says he has not seen me in 11 months, my dad and cat will be fine, and he does not want me to change it even if i could

his college graduation is dec 6, our interview is after that, he wants to spend christmas together, and even if we had our interview and were granted the visa, we cant afford for him to enter american right now , our budget depends on his working atleast until feb ......so basically he feels like he should come first right now

[Queen B]

It sounds like your family is very important to you...and your SO needs to respect that.

Okay wow you ahve done your research about the sex...you're a smart girl! I guess now the question is can he be in a relationship with no or little sex or is he going to keep pressuring you and making you feel miserable? that's a toughie.

About the dreams...about a week ago I got in a fight with my Bf and after kept having these dreams about havinf sex with other guys from my past. this really worried me cause I thought that maybe it mean't I didn't want to be with him...so, because I'm a total geek I went to an online dream dictionary..check out what it has to say about sex dreams...

http://www.hyperdictionary.com/search.aspx?define=Sex

[smurfgirl]

thanks for the link, and for talking to me

What was the out come then?

Did you, didnt you, how are things now?

[smurfgirl]

Originally Posted by someonenewhere

What was the out come then?

Did you, didnt you, how are things now?

Hello

i had forgotten about this site, until i got this post, i couldnt remember the site name. So i was very excited to get it emailed me along with the question of what had happened

OK VERY LONG STORY KINDA SHORT

i went to england to see him, the trip started off terrible, i missed my flight, had to go to texas , then have a layover, stayed overnight, got a flight the next day, this caused me to miss the christmas formal i was suppose to go to with him, but i was there in time for his College graduation on DEC 6 04

It was VERY awkward at first, on my part, i just didnt feel the same about him. I think looking back i had lost a good amount of intrest in him. It was the immigration and the distance.

i was there Until Jan 28 of 2005, we had to change my ticket twice due to immigration things coming through, on Jan 21, 05 he went for his medical and consulate interview in london i was with him, and we spend 5 days in London, it was wonderful, i highly suggest you go there if you ever have the chance

the time away from his family, when it was just me and him, it brought me back into the relationship. with the immigration problem solved( he was granted his K1 fiance visa) , all we had to do was book his flight, and get married in america

so i returned to the states, and we both worked our jobs to save money, on April 25,2005 he entered the country on his visa, and on May 6,2005 we were married, we are STILL married

SO it worked out

Online relationships really can work out, u just have to work at it i guess

on a side note, i still dont really enjoy our sex life, still have the same problems, so once i get really good insurance through my job im seeing a specialist, as i cant avoid UTI's

OH yea

my dad and cat were both ok, still are, my dad is not doing great, but him and david have met now, and totally love each other

my cat lives with us, and we have two dogs together

[Outcast]

How nice to hear it all turned out! By all means see a doctor about your problem; babies come out of the same place his penis goes in so you can't be 'too small' - it's something else that's likely easily fixed.