[Groovy]

Initially this guy liked me so much I felt smothered with him calling 3 times a day. I sort of gave him conflicting information in wanting his attention. Then I got upset when I didn't get it. Men don't get women can't be smothered in the beginning but eventually when they trust and know a person they want all that attention. I had told him I felt smothered. Furthermore on our 6th date he took off his pants and asked for a hand job! Then he didn't call the next day for a first, but I told him not to call me because I would be busy. I did this for 2 days in a row. And I was busy, but gave him the idea I wasn't interested perhaps. I listened to a voice message I left for him and realized I was being really angry with him, giving him conflicting info and he couldn't understand what was happening. My tone sounded demanding and harsh. I sensed he was on the fence about me and could kind of undertstand why. He told my friend I was weirding out on him.

And I felt because he had taken his pants off around me on the 6th date, I wanted to know if we were exclusive. So I asked him. It was when things were weird between us. I think I was just feeling vunerable and needed to know. It's also why I was acting the way I did. He said that's not what he was looking for right now. And I got upset because for the past 2 weeks he had picked crustys out of my eyes on one occassion while I lay in his lap, called me 3 times a day and kept telling me how beautiful I was, calling me "his girl". I wasn't asking if he loved me, I was just asking if he wanted to focus on me because I thought he knew I was special enough to him. My friend who set us up has known him for 10 years and says he really wants a relationship and ultimately a kid and marraige.

I forced myself to go out with him and my friends for a pool tournament for the 7th date even though I sensed a distance in us. We acted distant at first. But by the end of the night we were hugging and holding hands. I thought I'd say sorry and play it off and act like nothing happened. I still don't think he understands. I called him at work today and he doesn't know what his plans are this weekend. He has a 2nd job and is going on vacation in a few days. But I also wonder if he is deciding if I'm a nut case or not.

I called him at work, because he has unset plans I made my own and he wanted to know if I am going out with a guy tonight. I said I am not, which is true. But I am not turning anyone down if they ask. I am not sure if I would tell him that part. I asked why he is asking and he said it was just a question and to stop being like that. I told him mine was just a question too. I'm not sure if he feels I am playing fair or manipulating him. I know I am just playing fair.

I am dissapointed he says these things and doesn't feel the way I thought, though I asked him at a bad time.

Know that you know what the situation is, my question is......

I am with O.K with kissing. I know I do not want to sleep with him or have oral sex after he told me he doesn't want to be exclusive. I'll get hurt. But he is a bag of hormones who is 6' 3" and dead gorgeous. I haven't had anything for a year and am 32. Despite him saying we are not exclusive he did tell me he is not fooling around with anyone and doesn't sleep around. Would I be judged if I let him touch me down there after all this? I can tell he is conservative and he said we aren't exclusive! I've really screwed a lot up and wanted to at least be proper in that regards without being uptight. Sometimes I think it's good to give a little away without everything. I'd enjoy it but not if it eliminates the last chance to go back to where we were.