I have had it after 22 years of marriage. Caught him in affair 4 years ago, he admitted to other ones after that, and we have tried, unsuccessfully to make this thing work. I cannot live with what he has done and feel depressed and sad all the time. He does little to help me deal, taking a "wait and see" attitude which in my opnion translates to him once again not doing any relationship work, and just generally not dealing with his marriage (as usual). I am falling apart and need to go away from him and start fresh.

The equity in the house is at around $100,000. I am thinking about taking some of the equity to move out, leaving HIM the house we live in. I don't want to live there as it would just remind me of our failed marriage. I loved him very much even if he did not feel the same way.

I want to move out and move to a city close by wehre the schools are better for my 2 kids, one of which will start high school next year. I would not care if he sold the house or not. I need some advice from people experienced with seperation and divorce. Does this sound like a good idea to you? Has anyone ever left the spouse with the home and then regretted it? My mother says I should make him leave. What for? I don't what that huge house to take care of.

[Pocky]

Sometimes a fresh start means exactly that - a fresh start. Staying in a house that holds so many reminders of the past may make it more difficult for you to move on. I think you should find a new place where you feel you could find your own happiness and start over there. Advise him of your plans and speak to a lawyer on how to handle the situation with the house. One option may be for you to have him buy your share of the house - that is if he wants it. You both may decide it'd be easier to just sell it and split the profit.

[Scott S]

Originally posted by anon4today The equity in the house is at around $100,000. I am thinking about taking some of the equity to move out, leaving HIM the house we live in. I don't want to live there as it would just remind me of our failed marriage. I loved him very much even if he did not feel the same way.

You didn't indicate what state you live in. Community property laws (if applicable) will affect your rights & responsibilities. You may wish to consult with an attorney.

I think Pocky's idea is better. Have him buy you out or sell the house & split the sale proceeds, as opposed to an equity loan, which must be repaid.

[MWC_LifeBeginsAt40]

I just purchased a house with the 50% of equity from our current house which my STBX is going to stay in. The kids will live with each of us 50% of the time.

Since house prices have sky rocketed, STBX will now have a 20-year mortgage higher than the one we started with 7 years ago....and it would have been paid off in 8 years.

Do I think it's a good idea for you??? Hell yeah! But I wouldn't recommend moving too far away.