[startingover1028]

After only one week, I broke my NC with MM by e-mailing him. I hit an emotional low point on Friday afternoon and having no one to talk to about it, I broke down and sent a message.

I kept thinking about what he last wrote to me. ....that even though he couldn't continue with our relationship the way it was, he still wanted to stay friends. Frankly, I was just too afraid to let myself get far from his thoughts. I wanted to be there.. ready and waiting for when he changes his mind (again). (sick, huh?)

He did reply, saying that he was glad to hear from me and we have had a few exchanges since then. But now I feel terrible. It's sort of like that feeling when you go on a diet and you do really well with it for a week but at dinner on Friday night, you slip up and have the cheescake.

I feel like s****. OK... so I got what I wanted... he's writing again... but what does it really mean to me, in the long run? What have I really "gotten"? NOTHING but more of the same hurt and rejection at some future date down the road.

How do all of you stay strong and resist the urge to contact? Have any of you slipped-up? What did you do then?
Tell me there's hope!

[Owl]

Just like dieting friend...even if you slip up once, DON'T keep doing it. If you slipped up and emailed him, then delete his email addy from your contacts. Shut your computer off, and keep it off. Go for walks, go to movies, do anything but sit there thinking about how much you want to be with him...because you can't be. Start acting like he's dead, if that makes it any easier to picture. Because, in affect he's "dead to you". You cannot continue contacting him, so you've got to let him go.

It took my wife a month and a half, and finally it took the OM to tell her that he respected what we were doing in rebuilding our marriage, and would she please leave him alone. I still hate his guts, but have to admit that he at least tried to do the right thing that final time. Time for you to do the same. Walk away, and start looking for something else in your life. Walk away, and concentrate on the fact that you CAN find someone else, that you CAN find the person you're supposed to be with. It wasn't this person...not if he was already married to somone else. You're stronger than you know, or you wouldn't have posted here asking for advice. Lean on friends if you're feeling weak...but DON'T lean on him any longer, because he's gone. Good luck friend...I really can empathize with you, and I truly don't mean any harm or disrespect with my post...but please, for all the people involved in this (including yourself!), walk away.