[anna karina]

Here's the dilemma I think many shy women face:

With guys I'm romatically interested in I am LOUSY at letting them know because I am seriously shy about lingering smiles, lingering gazes and other flirty stuff.

However, with a guy I see as just a friend I can make eye contact and be very chummy.


The problem is that I end up with guy friends who want more--and a complete lack of dates with guys I like!


Well I already know that winks and smiles let a guy know I AM interested. But how do I let a guy friend know I am NOT interested without hurting his feelings? Is there a subtle way of doing this? Some guys seem to take even a friendly smile as a sign that you like them.

A guy's perspective would be great!

cheers,

anna k.

[bluechocolate]

There are all kinds of ways to achieve this:

- you could talk about some other guy & how you would like to go out with him

- you could say in passing that it's really great that you can have a male friend like this without the b/f-g/f drama

- you could set him up with one of your girlfriends

or

- you could wait until he makes a move & then tell him you thought the two of you were just friends.

If you want to nip something in the bud before it happens & remain friends then I suggest you go for one of the first options. No one, guy or girl, likes being rejected after putting their neck on the line.

[brkelsey]

If you just want to be friends then don’t lead then on. Tell them exactly how you feel right up front. The longer you let it go the more attracted he will be (i.e. hard to get). If he is really a friend he will understand and still be just that, a really good friend. If he is someone who just wants to get into your pants then he will get mad, angry, hurt, what have you, and in turn you will see what kind of person he really is.

If you find a guy really attractive and you want to be more than friends then go get’em tiger. There is nothing worse than waiting around for something to happen. Make it happen. Most women I meet get what they want because they aren’t afraid to say what they really feel,” Your cute, would you like my phone number,” etc.

Just remember that guys are just as shy when it comes to women. We are all human. We all share the same feelings. So if your shy there is a good chance that the guy you like is shy too. What if you both can’t get over the shy thing. You'll both be lonely and shy…

Think about it!

[anna karina]

Thanks for the advice guys. I guess my problem with male friends is that I really enjoy being around them because I don't feel shy--as I do with a crush--and maybe I end up acting more flirty than I should.

Also, maybe I don't understand how to act chummy. I see girls hug their guy friends and act sweet or motherly and there doesn't seem to be a problem for them.

Maybe my problem is that I'm always single and a guy assumes that if I'm friendly then maybe I'm also looking for a little romance.

The fact is I like being single. I have even lied before so a guy friend will not get the wrong idea by telling him that I have a boyfriend. I've also talked about guys I like romantically. Believe it or not, this doesn't really work!

If a smart, attractive girl is single all the time, I wonder what kinds of assumptions her guy friends make about her? That she's difficult? Gay? Confused? Needs saving?

oh well, thanks again!
anna k
ps, i will try to flirt with my crushes more. It is hard!