I am feeling hurt as my husband cheated on me. He is enjoying his life with the woman at another country.
He is working as an expat and I know he cares much about his job in the firm. Because of his status as an expat, he is fetching a high income and the kind of status he receives over there.
Sometimes, I really feel like taking revenge by informing the management level of his firm about his infidelity and how he treated me. Make him lose face and then he will have problem staying around. Really want to do something to bring him down the ladder. I know making him lose that kind of income and then he will feel the pain. The woman is sticking around for his money too.
Am I being foolish and stupid? Will this revenge work out?
__________________
People have a hard time letting go of their suffering. Out of a fear of the unknown, they prefer suffering that is familiar. - Thich Nhat Hanh
__________________
Reading: The God Delusion by Richard Dawkins
This way of thinking will lead you no where. Revenge is like an unruled horse once you astride it you will never know where it will take you. You both need counselling not revenge.
No, you're not being foolish and stupid. Your feelings and your desire for revenge on your husband who cheated on you and left are understandable. I'm in a similar situation and I've had the same feelings.
But, that's what they should remain: feelings. Don't lower yourself to his level by doing something equally despicable. Everything I've read from betrayed spouses who take revenge suggests that it feels great for a brief moment, but then they regret it.
Your anger is totally normal, and it will take you awhile (some say two years minimum) to process it fully. But, try channeling it into something positive. Remember, living well is the best revenge. Show yourself, and world, and him that you don't need him in order to be happy in your life.
I wish you the best.
__________________
See the bird with the leaf in her mouth
After the flood, all the colours came out.
-- U2
yeah I don't think you feeling/thinking about doing that is bad as it is a human reaction to being screwed over...just don't do it. It won't get you anywhere except make you feel guilty when you mature more.
Originally posted by scorpion123
Sometimes, I really feel like taking revenge by informing the management level of his firm about his infidelity and how he treated me. Make him lose face and then he will have problem staying around. Really want to do something to bring him down the ladder. I know making him lose that kind of income and then he will feel the pain. The woman is sticking around for his money too.
Am I being foolish and stupid? Will this revenge work out?
What kind of position does he have, in what kind of business?
Chances are that this will have little, if any effect. If he is that good at his job, and is considered that valuable an employee, his employer is likely to overlook his personal foibles, at least to the extent that they neither impact his job performance nor reflect discredit on the organization.
No one faults your feelings, but ultimately you will achieve more by taking a nobler approach.
_________________________________________
Eagles may soar, but weasels are never sucked into aircraft engines.
I totally understand the revenge thing. I want to make him suffer how he is making me suffer. But I won't stoop to that level - but I have been spending an awful lot of time dreaming up ways to get back at him. I did get 1 littl epeice of revenge. he was unemployed - as usual and collecting unemployment. He found a job that gave him an apartment but no salary - so he was planning on still collecting unemployment. So I reported him to unemployment as filing a false claim. Petty - but it felt good. I have thought about writing his new boss and telling him all bout what type of worthless cowardly peice of crap he hired - but I would like the fool then - not him. So dream all the revenge you want - but don't do anything you might regret in 5 years or 5 days - keep yourself respect - it's really all you have right now - and the truth really is the best revenge is your own happiness.
Hi shaker1973, Yeap...i did something similar like yours. All these years. he has been using my maiden (mother's) home address as the reported address. So after our marriage, I reported to the authority that he is no longer residing here (in fact, that's the truth). Then I follow-up with the authority to make sure they delete my maiden address. Then that idiot use our co-sharing house (which is vacant all the while) as the residing address. I told my friend that I have no regrets going all out to settle this address matter as these are truth.
Scott, he is holding a manager post in an accountancy firm (those MMC) in China. Because he can speak mandarin + english + his education, he is considered cream of the crops now. That's why I say that he is enjoying the status stuff. My pal also said the same thing as you. Meaning that his employer won't give a damn to his personal life and that will only disgrace me further.
Originally posted by scorpion123
Scott, he is holding a manager post in an accountancy firm (those MMC) in China. Because he can speak mandarin + english + his education, he is considered cream of the crops now. That's why I say that he is enjoying the status stuff. My pal also said the same thing as you. Meaning that his employer won't give a damn to his personal life and that will only disgrace me further.
So any disparaging comments you make would only make you look silly & petty, then. Or possibly like a mental patient.
There is some consolation in the fact that he is overseas, & you do not have to worry about encountering him in the restauarant, bar, or shopping mall, then. My ex lives several states away, & generally is little more than the butt of some jokes between my wife & myself.
For what it's worth, most of us accountants are honest, ethical professionals.
Because of the profession he is holding, then that make me more wanted to destroy his reputation. As what you had mentioned, accountants are especially held by their integrity. To me, he is totally inhuman....no shame at all not to talk about integrity.
I have small information about him cheating his company on his rental reimbursement. I even thoguht of using that to let his company know of his lowly character.
I think sometimes, I just got so carried away for not being able to hurt him. But one thing you are right. He can go around telling people that I am of unsound mind. Those around him will believe him. Then I really degrade myself to same class as him.
Originally posted by scorpion123
I have small information about him cheating his company on his rental reimbursement. I even thoguht of using that to let his company know of his lowly character.
I think sometimes, I just got so carried away for not being able to hurt him. But one thing you are right. He can go around telling people that I am of unsound mind. Those around him will believe him. Then I really degrade myself to same class as him.
You're right. Integrity is a hallmark of the accounting profession.
As for your "information," I am certain you are aware that knowledge is one thing, and admissible proof is quite another. Without evidence, it is your word against his, and whatever you say is likely to be dismissed as "sour grapes."
For what it's worth, if he is of a dishonest bent, sooner or later he will be caught, and will pay the price. When this happens, you can count yourself fortunate that you are no longer involved with him.
I understand that you are angry and think about these types of things, that is understandable. But, you are a bigger and better person than he is and you don't need to lower yourself to his level. You might be surprised, people see and sense things, and if he is of such poor character, chances are people know he is. That is a part of his character, and it is bound to come out.
I was in a relationship once (my ex boyfriend) and he threatened in all sorts of ways to get me fired, spread bad rumors, and he even acted on some of them. When we broke up, he actually called and email-ed my mom and told her secret things i had confided in him that i did not want her knowing. she is very nosey and controlling and he knew this was a great way to get back at me. he also threatened to get me fired as he kept several pictures of me by use of his digital camera doing things that i didn't want my bosses knowing i did (sorry to be so vague). He threatened to send these pictures to my boss and the CEO of the company, along with others in the business just to humiliate me & hopefully get me fired. He also broke into my house and trashed it when i was at work. he recently threatened to tell private things to our friends about me in regards to my past struggles with alcoholism. i never retaliated, i just didn't need to. People know what he is all about and how he works, people know that what he has to say is just making him look worse, who does those things to someone?
What goes around comes around, ya know? be the better person :-) Confused28
Please note: The suggestions and advice offered on this web site are opinions only and are not to be used in the place of professional psychological counseling or medical advice. If you or someone close to you is currently in crisis or in an emergency situation, contact your local law enforcement agency or emergency number.
Hybrid Mode
