[crystalclear]

I came to this website because for the past couple of months I've been obsessively worried i might be a lesbian...

I'm 26, just graduated from grad school, started my first job ever, and also just got engaged to a man who, up until a couple of months ago, I thought was the most amazing man ever, with whom I had the best sex I ever had...

Problem is, sometimes I fantasize about women, and it really turns me on - sometimes more than when I think about men. Especially thinking about their breasts. With women I get so physically aroused by visualizing them. For me, being attracted to men is an emotional thing, because I don't really get aroused seeing a naked man...it's more about who he is, and the romantic stuff that turns me on. plus I love men's big backs and arms and hands and it feels so good to snuggle with them... still, since I've been worried about these lesbian fantasies, I've lost that feeling with him. I feel so guilty to have these thoughts behind his back, and it's making it so that I get incredibly anxious when it comes time to make love, so I don't enjoy it anymore!! I worry I'm with the wrong person and that i would get more turned on looking at a woman, like how I get more turned on watching women in porn than the men...

I had some of these thoughts a couple of years ago, during a break-up with a bad boyfriend, and actually went out and had sex with a woman. It was not anything like my fantasy, I remember calling a friend and asking him how men could actually be attracted to women...I love looking at pictures of breasts but in real life I just wasn't turned on at all. Plus, once I actually got to know the woman, the sexuality was gone. I have never fantasized about having sex with any woman I really know....I just don't feel that emotional attraction to women and never have. But ever since I was five I have always fallen so deeply in love with men...that has never happened with a woman. Doesn't being a lesbian mean you are both physically and emotionally attracted to women? But, if I tried it once before and didn't like it, why am I thinking about it again? Is it something I really want, or is it just a fantasy I don't really want to come true? Have any other women had similar feelings/experiences they can share?

It bothers me that even though I acted out my fantasy once before it didn't stop the fantasies. I can't seem to reconcile my strong fantasies for a woman and my love for my finance....when I'm with him I worry there might be something sexually better out there...yet when I tried it with a woman it didn't do anything for me. I'm so confused. When I read my post I realize people will say I've answered my own question but I am still so worried about this...this worrying is ruining my relationship with my fiance, with whom I was once so in love...

[bluechocolate]

Maybe you are gay & haven't met the right woman.

But then you say you can't form an emotional attachement to women & you tried the sex & found that you weren't turned on at all - so perhaps then you aren't gay after all.

What I find interesting here is that you say you had these fantasies during a break-up a couple of years ago and now for the past few months you've been having them again. Perhaps this is how you go about ending a relationship? You ended your post by saying that you WERE once so in love with your fiance - meaning you're not sure that you are in love with him any longer?

Is it just a coincidence that (is sounds like) you only have these fantasies when you fall out of love with a man?

[whichwayisup]

With women I get so physically aroused by visualizing them. For me, being attracted to men is an emotional thing, because I don't really get aroused seeing a naked man...it's more about who he is, and the romantic stuff that turns me on. plus I love men's big backs and arms and hands and it feels so good to snuggle with them... still, since I've been worried about these lesbian fantasies, I've lost that feeling with him. I feel so guilty to have these thoughts behind his back, and it's making it so that I get incredibly anxious when it comes time to make love, so I don't enjoy it anymore!! I worry I'm with the wrong person and that i would get more turned on looking at a woman, like how I get more turned on watching women in porn than the men...

Well, women's bodies are definately more sexy and curvey and more interesting than a male's body.

I am not gay but I do find women in porn alot more exciting than men. Let's say GAY PORN is hotter than straight porn! I don't know why, but it is!!!

It bothers me that even though I acted out my fantasy once before it didn't stop the fantasies. I can't seem to reconcile my strong fantasies for a woman and my love for my finance....when I'm with him I worry there might be something sexually better out there...yet when I tried it with a woman it didn't do anything for me. I'm so confused. When I read my post I realize people will say I've answered my own question but I am still so worried about this...this worrying is ruining my relationship with my fiance, with whom I was once so in love...

Well, from what you say, it is just a sexual turn on for you. In your heart you may know you are not gay emotionally...You've tried it out and it wasn't what you thought it was all cracked up to be.

How does your b/f feel about you two watching lesbian porn together? Does it upset him? Make him feel weird?
Be open and honest with him! Tell him you know you love him and want to be with him, but the sex thoughts of women really DOES turn you on! Let him know you aren't gonna leave him for another female but just how excited you get thinking about sex and other women gets you going. I doubt he's going to be too upset!

Good luck Crystal and keep posting!

WWIU

[Jilly10340]

I don't think you're gay. I heard a discussion show once on "love line" on the radio. The sex doctor said on there that a lot of woman get aroused when looking at other naked woman and it doesn't mean your gay. I can get aroused by looking at naked woman but I don't want to go out and sleep with one and I'm not gay. Neither are you. I mean come on, naked men just aren't pretty. The penis is about the ugliest thing I've ever seen, but I still love it.

You say you feel guilty, but would you feel less guilty if you fantasized about naked men?

You and your sexual experience with women is like me and coffee. To me, coffee looks good and smells good, and that tricks me into wanting to drink it. But when I drink it, I remember why I don't like it. With you, women may look like a good idea, but when you had sex with one you didn't like it.

Don't be like me, don't be tricked into having the coffee (or woman in your case)

[GiveAndTake]

I'm not gay but my sister who is 11 years older than me is gay. We have had conversations about what it is like for her being gay and how she perceives men and women.

I'm very sure that this quote would NEVER come out of her mouth.

I love men's big backs and arms and hands and it feels so good to snuggle with them...

I do not believe you are gay.