I'm new here, though I've been lurking around for a while. I'm from the south west; I'm a 25 year old cow boy wanna be.
I just have a random question, "How would you like to be dumped?"
Is there a right way to do it?
I know that anything via a phone conversation or e mail is considered "weak."
No matter what, the dumper is going to want it over as quickly as possible to get over the guilt of it. The dumpee is going to try to prolong it to get the person back.
I was just wondering.
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Alright...something witty so that the girls will think I'm cute...
I just have a random question, "How would you like to be dumped?"
How would I like to be dumped? Hmm, that's like asking "How would I like to have root canal surgery?" There isn't a pleasant way as far as I know
Quote:
Originally posted by heebiejeebies
Is there a right way to do it?
The specifics depend on the situation and the erstwhile relationship.
I would want to know why, of course, i.e. if I fell short of the standard, failed to meet the expectations, etc. Not necessarily to hang on or salvage the relationship, as it's probably too late by that point, but to learn from the shortcomings & not repeat them in a future relationship.
Please try to keep the criticism from becomeing overly venomous. Let me exit with a modicum of my dignity.
Please do not insult my intelligence with platitudes like "It's not you. It's me." The "Blind Date" translation = "It IS you, numnutz!!"
One of my friends wrote her ex a few months later just to ask what he didn't like about the relationship so she could learn from the future. He told her she was too agreeable and didn't seem to have her own mind. So she has used that information to help her current relationship. So it would be good to know what you could work on in the future without being viscious.
ah, but even when having root canal surgery, the dentist does his best to prepare for a smooth routine -- anesthesia, making sure patient is comfortbly numb, answering questions and keeping an eye out for the possibility of something that doesn't look right/feel right. i.e., he's trying to make this the best possible experience even though he understands there is a lot of pain (and fear) involved with this surgery.
the best way to dump someone? drawing on my own experiences, I can say that ignoring or blowing someone off -- especially if you've dated this person a good while and were initimate with him/her -- is the worst way to do it.
think about it in terms of the time invested in a relationship. Someone who has worked for a company for a year or two isn't going to be recognized the same way as the person who retired after 32 years at that same place. same thing goes with breaking up.
technically, I've only had three boyfriends, but many, many *ahem* dalliances. and I'll tell you what, it hurt much worse being brushed off -- even when it was with someone I dated once or twice -- than having to face my sticky booger boyfriend to tell him that it was over. He was actually pretty decent about it, wanting to part on good terms.
I don't suggest lying, because nothing pisses a woman off more than knowing she's been lied to, but wanting to soft pedal the issue because you don't want to be cruel about the reason why you're breaking up is a kinder way of doing things.
telling her face to face will let her know that you still respect her enough to do this uncomfortable thing, and it will also let her know that you are serious about not wanting to date or be with her anymore.
and, I think it's much better this way, because she won't romanticize your relationship by thinking, "well, he didn't REALLY mean it because he didn't tell me in person, a letter doesn't count."
You walk up to the person and say, "I break with thee, I break with thee, I break with thee."
Then, you throw dog poop on their shoes.
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If you sometimes feel a little useless, offended or depressed... always remember that YOU were once the fastest and most victorious sperm out of millions.
I just read your thread on domestic abuse, and I now see how my "well thought out response" just wouldn't float in your situation, because you're not dealing with someone who is capable of responding rationally.
other than agreeing with reservoirdog & steve martin, I really have no idea how to handle a breakup in a situation like yours. has your counselor given any advice on how to approach the matter?
Based on previous ended relationships, I'd like it to be calm, in person, and a decent explaination. A hug afterwards, and an offer to be friends.
Lemme see...if my husband were dumping me, I'd want him to have called my parents to inform them right before he did it, so they could be on their way to comfort me. I'd want him to look me in the eye, and give me a reason that I could accept. I'd want him to hold me while I cried, and tell me that he still loved me, if he did, or that he just didn't love me if he didn't. I'd want complete honesty. I'd want him to feel emotional. Don't sit there and act like a robot...that makes it harder to accept. If you're hurting in the break up as badly as the person being dumped is, it would be easier to take.
Be firm, and have a good reason, but be considerate too. I had a boyfriend who seemed to hurt while I cried, and he hugged me, and comforted me, but he didn't give me a reason that I could even half way accept.
TELL THEM THE TRUTH! Tell them why they aren't good enough. Tell them there's someone else. Tell them that you just don't think that down the road you'll be a good team, because you already fight too much. Tell them that they are too jealous, and you can' t deal with it. If they promise to change, tell them frankly that you waited for them to change, and they took to long, and you're not willing to stick around to see them slip right back into their old habbits again. If you have a reason for not wanting them, tell them exactly what it is, so they can accept it.
If there's no particular reason...it's just not there, TELL THEM THAT!!! Don't even dump someone with some half baked excuse. Give them the pride of knowing why the relationship failed, so they can do better in the next relationship. Don't dump them angry, or they'll sit around begging forgiveness, or waiting for you to cool off.
Don't just up and disappear. Don't do it over the phone. If you are dumping someone, be considerate. Let them ask all the questions they need to ask. Hold them if they need comforting. Don't sit there stone faced...show some emotion.
There. I think anyone being dumped can live with it, as long as you're honest, comforting, show emotion (not anger...preferably sadness, or remorse, 'wishing that it could be different') Do it in person, so they can see you, and throw things, and curse you, and whatever else they need to do.
Now, I'd want my husband to tell my parents, so I wouldn't have to tell them. So they'd just know, and be able to prepare to help me and be there for me when this all comes crashing down. If you know your spouses friend that they'd rather have than a parent, you could tell them. This is just what I'D want, some people might want to know first, but I'd rather have someone preparing to let me fall into their arms if something so devistating happened. I wouldn't want them there while I was being dumped, but afterwards, I don't want to have to call and tell them, and then ask for comfort
If it's a boyfriend or girlfriend though, give them the dignity of doing it in person, and showing concern.
A friend of mine uses this line..... "Breaking up is like tipping over a vending machine, you got to rock it back and forth a few times before it falls."
Usually breakups take a few encounters, I do recommend doing it in person if you care about the person. Nothing worse than the email or phone call breakup.
I just broke up with my girlfriend of 2 years. 3 weeks ago this coming Sunday she told me she needed some space to think if she wants a bf or not (quaterlife crisis). Then on Thursday she calls me when I get home from work (her father is my boss at his law firm) and breaks up with me. Says she cant hurt me anymore and needs time to think. Heard from her once since then. I think via phone is the WORST way to do it if it is anything longer than like 10 months. Have respect for the person. If you cant look at them when you do it you might want to think a little harder before you actually break it off with someone.
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