Saw separated man last Tuesday... Been with separated man for the past 6 months...on & off for over 2 years now.
He didn't go home lastnight & then I received a call today. He told me he was at Wifes house. I asked him how it went & he said that's why he was calling. He said that it went good...they were civil toward one another. She told him that she would sign a form giving him custody of kids if she ever was to get back on drugs again---If he would just come home. She said she'll quit the drugs if he came home. He told me he's going back. I'm in pain--hurting--but not shedding any tears. I feel anger. I thought I'd be crying my eyes out but I'm not. Do you think I have finally had enough? I couldn't talk to him right then but left him a message telling him to have a wonderful life. He told me he would stay in touch & I told him that wouldn't work because if he's going back to the Wife he needs to focus on her & not me...I would just add confusion in his life if he remained in contact. I've never had the guts to tell him this. Now I feel relieved & angry but still feel pain. I mean, I knew what to expect & I feel stupid for getting involved with him now. Maybe I'm over it? God I hope!!!!!
Maybe the reason that you did not cry like you thought you would is because you are all cried out now. After a while all you can feel is anger because they say they love you, but somehow always hurt you. It's not easy to just let go, sometimes it seems even impossible, but if you really put your heart into letting him go (not forgetting) you can do it.
Anger is a very healthy emotion and you often feel it when you find yourself again.
When you're distraught, weepy, depressed, disillusioned....you often don't feel strong. You feel 'controlled' by the other person's behavior. You happiness seems contigent on them behaving a certain way (i.e. loving you, being with you, etc)
Anger, on the other hand, is your own authentic self rising up and proclaiming, "**** you. It is not acceptable to treat me this way."
Even if your behavior is exaggerated (and yes, anger can be misplaced frequently, or aimed in the wrong direction) it nevertheless is a very helpful emotion.
Anger can give you the impetus to move in new directions. It can fuel new actions, thoughts and impulses.
Your emotions may sway back to sadness, to anger, to peace, to sadness and back again several times.
Emotion is rarely static.
But YES, sounds like it's time to move on. Use your anger well !
You did the right thing in telling him not to contact you.
Your anger does not necessarily mean that all the pain will soon be over, but it is a very good sign that you are separating your emotions from him.
Try not to hate yourself for getting involved. Yes, it was a mistake - so learn from it! Treat it like the rare, precious, and valuable learning lesson that it undoubtedly was. The object will be to only give your heart to a man who you can count on to treat it like it deserves.
Be well, stay strong.
__________________ Heavily medicated for your safety.
Anger is one of the stages you must pass through on the way to being over it. It's a nice stage. When you are truly over it (which may not ever happen depending on what damages were done), you wouldn't bother being angry.
Originally posted by mighty bop
Please be over it and find yourself a single guy.
How profound. What depth of insight.
It's OK to be very, very angry. In fact, now that you KNOW it's over, if he tries to contact you again I'd suggest yelling obscenities. It will allow you to express that anger AND keep him away, since he's a turd.
It's also OK to play the victim in this to the FULLEST extent-regardless of level of fault, or whatever. It WILL help you to get over him.
Just doing what my signature says, but if you want some profoundness and real depth of insight:
mj108 said:
Quote:
I thought I'd be crying my eyes out but I'm not
There's no point in wasting tears on this guy. You should be angry, but you are probably more angry at yourself more than him. You knew what to expect, like you said, so it was no real surprise. You were already prepared. Of course he lead you on and you followed, but it was your fault. You ARE over it. You will be fine and you know this. Remember what you learned and move on
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VERY ANGRY--does this mean I'm over him?
Hybrid Mode
