[Grinning Maniac]

Ok, here's the deal. I'm 19. I met a girl online back in March. Same age, city, etc. After a week or so, I asked if she wanted to catch a movie sometime and she said sure. However, she got serious with someone she was casually dating before I could take her out. I stopped pursuing her. Four months pass, the two break up with no hard feelings involved. She expresses an interest in meeting me. I agree. I go over her house to meet her and hang out. We get along great and have a lot of fun. Not long after that, I ask her on a date and she accepts. We have been dating casually for a month now. I have no intention of stopping and it doesn't seems she does either. She's coming up to visit me at my Uni this Sunday.

Here is my problem. She has never once in the entire time she's known me, actually admitted that she is attracted to me or really likes me. I tried asking (a no-no for guys, I know)about a week ago and she just gave me some lukewarm answer that really told me nothing. I don't know why, but I find that sort of weird. Am I alone on this? Also, she's never made a move on me. Hasn't ever touched me at all. But she has no problem with me doing it. It's hard to explain, but I will try. I can put my arm around her and she doesn't care. She even seems to like it. But she's never done it to me. We do things like hold hands, kiss, etc. However, it's always me who initates it.

Anytime I talk to her online, there is almost no flirtation at all on her part. I'll flirt with her, but all I get is an "lol" or something. I swear, you'd never know we date if you eavesdropped. Now in person, she might play along once in every blue moon, but it's so infrequent and so mild that I don't even remember it clearly by now. If we talk on the phone, it's usually because I called her, or she's just calling me back or something. Aside from our first date, every time we've gotten together, it's been me who's proposed it. I mean...could it just be she's even more old-fashioned than I am lol?

Part of me thinks that this is perfectly normal and this is just her speed. As far as the physical part is concerned, she's not a very physical person from what I can tell. I have more fingers on one hand than she has people she's slept with. That part's fine, since I'm a virgin anyway, but I'm getting off the point. That part of me is thinking that maybe she's just not comfortable yet, and I need to just chill out, give her some time, and things will even out eventually. It's not like we've been dating for an eternity. Just a month.

However, the other part of me is starting to feel frustrated, and possibly a bit rejected. It might just be because this is different than what I'm used to. The last girl I dated, who was my first actual gf, was the exact opposite of her. Pretty early on, she was all over me constantly, flirted with me a lot, and I dug that. So, perhaps I came to see that type of behavior as "normality" and just expect it now? Who knows... I'm not saying I want this girl I'm seeing now to be just like her. They're two VERY different people. I like her how she is, regardless of my problem with this. I know that sounds contradictory, so sue me. What I'm saying is, I'm fine with us not making out like animals all the time, but I'm just annoyed with always being the one to try something, and also with being confused to whether she really likes me or not. As I said, it makes me feel like she's not interested, even though looking at it logically, she probably is.

Now, don't get me wrong. I'm not pissed off, and I have no intention of ending my involvement with her over this. She's a really cool girl and I like her a lot. I just feel weird about this. If just ONCE she would try to kiss me or something, I would immediately feel right as rain and relax. But it hasn't happened yet... :P Well, that's my story. Actually I don't know what advice I'm really looking for here. I'm just sort of ranting. But I definately welcome any thoughts you guys(and girls of course ) might have.

Thanks.

[moimeme]

There are absolutely some wimmenfolk (including on this board) who think women aren't supposed - ever - to make a move. There are others who tried and were rebuffed by fellows and therefore ceased trying. I'm not sure exactly what to do about it except bide your time a bit more. Maybe grab some sort of opportunity to discuss it if it comes up - say you're watching some show and a female makes a move on a male - you could say something like 'I wouldn't mind if you pounced on me that way' or something light that gets that sort of idea across.

[Grinning Maniac]

Thanks, moi. You continue to prove yourself a valuable member of the Shack.

The thought had occured to me to try something like that. The only thing I had thought of was to kiss her and slyly mention that I wouldn't bite if she tried to kiss me sometime. Not too creative, I admit lol.

[CCBD]

She sounds a lot like how I was at that age. Does she come from a family that doesn't show affection? She is probably not very comfortable making the first move. I was taught (the old fashioned way by my mom) to act lady like and never make the first move. At such a young age, I thought this meant any kind of a move (whether it was to say hello). Thus, I was so shy that I didn't start talking to boys until I was 16 (and I never started a conversation with boys first at that age).

Also, she could be thinking too much about what others think (peer pressure). I remember in high school, most of my actions were based on what others would think of me. For instance, I wasn't comfortable about boyfriend putting his arm around me in front of everyone for fear that others may get the wrong impression of me. I wanted them to know that I was a "nice" girl.

I know things are different nowadays and I'm not saying she is the exact same way, but as you get older (as I have), things change. I'm very affectionate now and I don't really care what others think (although I still have respect for others and not show innappropriate public display of affection).

Maybe she just needs a little time. If you can just try to be a patient (as you have been) a little while longer. In fact, why don't you try this. Try not making any moves and see if she doesn't make a move first. Sometimes not making any moves while you're with a loved one just builds up the passion!

Good luck,
CC

The only thing I had thought of was to kiss her and slyly mention that I wouldn't bite if she tried to kiss me sometime. Not too creative, I admit lol.

Aw. I think that would be sweet. It would definitely get a smile (and some kisses) out of me if a guy tried it.

I think moi is correct in guessing that she just doesn't think she should make a move.

Cheers and Good Luck.

-DA

[Grinning Maniac]

Update. She's not coming to visit me tomorrow. She has to take her grandmother to the mall or something. Bah.

Well, now I'm stuck wondering about things between her and I. It's like some mobius strip running in my head and it won't stop. It's really starting to really get on my nerves, and to be honest, I have a bad feeling about all of this. I have many questions on my mind, but I can't ask them because it'll probably scare her away. You have no idea how frustrating that is. I've never been in this type of situation before.

It just seems so off to me when we talk. It seems...cold.

Look, girls have had crushes on me in the past. I know what it's like to talk to someone who likes you. You can TELL. There are certain vibes a person gives off, even through text. With her, I see almost none of them. If I only talked to her on the internet, I would be completely convinced that she has no interest at all in me. However, the last time I saw her, we had a really fun date, ended up cuddled up on her couch until 2am watching tv, and were making out on her front porch before I left! Do you understand now why I'm confused? I feel like I'm dealing with two different people.

The worst thing is, I can't tell whether this is an actual issue or I'm just really ****ing paranoid. I went through something like this with my last gf. After my first date with her, I was drove myself up a wall wondering if she liked me. I don't think I had heard from her at all for about a week after the date. But pretty soon, she got in touch w/ me and it became quite obvious that she dug me. I was completely cool thereafter. This situation is a bit different, but I still do notice similiarities. So, in addition to being confused about her, I'm confused about myself as well. Hooray.

*grumbles and eats his pizza*