[Moose]

Boy, I'm sorry to hear such a sad situation.

You're daughter is with the wrong group of kids, that's for sure. And I say kids......not blacks.....not gang......she's just with the wrong kids.

I hope she's learned that now.

Thank you for your reply Moose!

I've spoken with a few more "professionals" since this post, and my daughter and I had our first counseling appointment this morning with a Substance Abuse Counselor. She put my daughter in a 12 week counseling program (which is 1 counseling visit per week) and is going to have her go to 4 - 12 Steps meetings. I'm really not sure if this will be enough. (?) I don't think that the problem is just with alcohol and drug usage, I think that there more to it; as in the company she keeps, etc...

I found a Specialty Boarding School that I would LOVE to put my daughter in! It's a 6 level program that lasts a year. Their success rate with adolescents is 98.6% and that is one year after following up with the families. The only problem is that I do not have $37,000 to put her in the program!!!!

They teach them the right tools to change the behaviors, such as:

Low self esteem
Self-limiting beliefs
Lack of motivation and direction
Defiance
Disrespect
Manipulation
Blame-game
Lying
Anger or Temper Outbursts
ADHD
Lack of impulse control
Academic under-achievement
Truancy
School Suspension
No regard for authority
Drug or alcohol experimentation
Running away
Breaking curfew
Trouble with the law
Sexual promiscuity
High-risk behaviors
Poor choice of friends
Failing school

Some of these problems (such as the school problems) my daughter does not have a problem with, but it is an excellent opportunity, if I could only figure out a way to come up with the money!

Prayers and advice would be much appreciated!

Thank you!!

[Moose]

Sounds like a great school!!!

I'd stick with the counceling before you decide for sure that that's the way to go. We're here for you.......keep us updated and we'll help you through this.

I've been through a lot raising our 5 kids and I do have some good ideas for you. We'll talk more about your money situation if the counceling doesn't help, ok?

Hang in there Mom!

[dyermaker]

Originally posted by fredrolin
Seriously though, you watch TV and you see blacks, whites, asian kids always hanging out together. Never in real life have I seen a group of kids, like at the mall for example, and all of them were friends and different races.

Happens all the time. Where do you live?

[cekaren]

[font=courier new][/font]
I am in a little bit of a similar situation with the white middle class mother being concerned about her daughter dating black guys.

I am Chinese aka Asian and am dating a white guy that I met through my ex-friend's boyfriend.

We've been going out for while but the problem now is that I that part of me wants to introduce him to my parents but the other part is afraid.

My parents want me to have a boyfriend and what not but in our family we have never openly sat down and talked about dating and what not at all.

This whole thing of me finding a boyfriend actually came up when I was home during a weekend from college in my sophomore year.

They never specified what 'type' I should have or anything of that nature.

He's about my age and lives where my school is in Arlington, Tx and he doesn't go to school but he does work.

I know they would be happy that I have a bf and what not but I'm just afraid of what they'll say and judge him harshly because he's not in school and what not.

That and the fact that I don't know exactly how to go about tell them about him and meeting him and stuff.

[svw1323]

I just wanted to thank everyone who has offered advise and opinions. Although some post's are just rude, others have been honest and helpful.


The wording I used in the original post was bold and to the point, even though my concern is not just black and white. I'm glad I worded it that way because it brought out the true opinions of how the world is today. Racism is alive and well and it was proven through this post. You see, those of you who had negative remarks about me and my concerns are yourself racist, against me for my beliefs. Because I believe differently. We all have the right to opinions and beliefs, thats what makes this world go round. I respect anyones right to an opinion and have learned from them.


I have learned .....

I am prejudice. But that's okay because everyone is to a certain degree, and not necessarily prejudice against the same things. Some of us are prejudice against color, others against beliefs, others against things that are different then what we are use to, and so on.... Being prejudice is part of being human, its how you react to your prejudice that can be wrong.

I worry too much. Listening to SC MOM's story has taught me the lesson of "its not that bad". Yes my daughter listens to thug rap music, she has all black and Hispanic friends, she loves basketball (a known black sport), she has posters of black sports figures and musicians with tattoos and piercing all over their bodies, she wears "the black fashions" and braids her hair........
but she is doing good in school, she is respectful, her friends are very nice girls from what seems to be nice families, she is not interested in drugs, smoking or drinking and openly talks about the issues with me. She is interested in a sport, she's in safety patrol and band in school, she is in girl scouts ( i am the leader) She doesn't get in trouble at school and is always complimented on her behavior by other parents.
I think i'm over reacting before there is truly something to react to.

I was focused on the wrong issue. My worries have nothing to do with being black and everything to do with being a good person who is going to treat my daughter with the respect and dignity she deserves. I know in my heart, it doesn't't matter what color, race, religion, or nationality this person is, just that my daughter is happy and taken care of.


When she brought home a poster of a black basketball player and wanted to hang it up, i lost it. I told her she couldn't hang it up and she immediatly took offense. -- then i thought about the posts everyone wrote and what i had learned about myself and my worries and i shared them with her. She was very receptive. We cryed and laughed and i think it was a huge step for us. I believe she saw more of what i was concerned about and less of the fact "i don't like blacks". Needless to say i let her hang the poster up, and she hung it behind the door so i didn't have to see it everytime i came into her room. She did that out of respect for my feelings.


I have since tryed to be more open minded about certain issues and have allowed her to spend more time with her friends, where before i was holding her back out of fear. She hasn't changed any. The influence of her friends hasn't shown any negativity. In fact a couple of her friends i have spent more time with and really enjoy their spirit and personalities. Thier black and hispanic, it dosn't change anything about them.


I still have fears she will end up with one of these thug like guys who will mistreat her....but since he's only 11, i still have time to teach her self respect, good values and judgment before she reaches the age of dating.


oh yea, i almost forgot, our step daughter moved in, it was disasterious to say the least and she has since moved out. The influence I feared on my daughter turned out to be disguest because my daughter learned how irresponsable she is as a mother and what a slob she is. My daughter was totally turned off by her behavior and lack of respect for our home, herself and her son. We love our step daughter/step sister and tryed to help her by reaching out, but she is 19, knows it all and did not accept our help, was inconviencanced by our rules and used us for a place to keep her stuff. We are still trying and reach out as much as she allows...and we do alot of praying.


Thanks agin to everyone - i think this post was worth it. SC MOM i will pray for you and your daughter...I hope things are working out with counciling. Keep us posted on how she's doing.

[alphamale]

Originally posted by moimeme
You must judge every human on his own merits, his personality, and how he lives his life, not on his colour, height, possession or lack thereof of hair, nationality or anything else.

I agree TOTALLY with the above stmt moimeme! Unfortunately, many times in real life things do not work like this. Unfortuantely for all of us.

The problem is that most people's preferences and prejudices are ingrained in them before they leave the house, i.e., in childhood. and there is not much any of us can do about it cause the parents are in control when you are young.

[Mr. Hustle]

Ok, just a few points here:
1) I am Bi-racial, and to tell you the truth, your daughters are going to do what they want reguardless of what you want. This is a new time and age from when you grew up. Either they will do it behind your back and be rebellous or they will, Just simply let you know.

2) If they are showing signs of doing this, you probably are already too late. They are getting curious. If you make it a point that they dont do this, they will do it anyway, in fact they will be mor persistant in doing so, as this is just human nature.

3.) Not everyone is a bad person. Not to say that you are racist, but by you being mad about the situation before another person is even introduced is called prejudice. That means that for some unfair reason you already have an opinion about someone just because they arn't white.

really and not to be rude but this is to the point.

As for me, I am Half black and white. I took my ex-GF's 2 Yr. old mixed child in as my own. Provided and cared for him and he is not my child. I hope she realizes what she has lost because I dont know if you do but, I know of no 21 yr old guy who will take in a kid and gain responcibility for someone else. Eventhough she walked on me, I still love her. I must be stupid. Have a good day!

[caramelbrownchick]

I am Bi-racial, half black and half white, i have dated black guys and white guys, there is no diffrence between white men and black men accept for skin color I have found that out, white men can be just as big players as black men can be. I get offended when people act like black men are all thugs and players that is def not the case, my father is a black man he has a masters degree and treats my mother like pure gold, as long as your daughter is happy, you should be happy no matter what type of guy she chooses to be with hopefully you have taught her that no man should treat her bad or disrespect her, as long as she knows this she will be fine no matter what race she is with. Oh and to kill the myth that mixed children have it so bad, I loved my life I have had friends of all races accept me for who I am.