[FoolsRushIn]

I want to start by saying that the members of this board are great! I've read your advice for awhile, and posted once before when I had a relationship problem, so I'm hoping you guys can help me figure something out before the relationship ends. Here we go: My boyfriend and I started hanging out last summer. We "officially" started dating last September. We've had our fair share of problems along the way (communication issues, jealousy <that was me>, intimate problems, etc) but we've worked them all out, mostly. Except for the fact that we probably argue way too much. And unfortunately, I'll have to be the one to take the blame for the majority of our arguing. Not that I initiate the fights (we're pretty much equal on who's to blame there), but I pursue the arguing, while he tries to just push me away, so we can cool off. We've tried making compromises on this, and sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't.

Well most recently, Friday night, I spoke to my boyfriend on the phone and asked if he wanted to make plans to hang out that night. He said yes. But when I talked to him about an hour later to ask him what we were going to do, he told me his friend wanted him to come over to play video games. I was more than eager to point out the fact that he had hung out with this friend EVERY NIGHT last week (no exaggeration, I swear), until about 4 in the morning. This was the first time we would be spending time together since Sunday night. We had tried to hang out in the middle of the week, but we got into a fight, so I ended up dropping him off at THAT friend's house. So anyway, he then asked me if I wanted to go with him while they played the game. I said no, because #1, I HATE that friend, and I hated him way before I met my boyfriend (another long story), and #2, Video games aren't my thing. I told him no again, but then he had a beep on his phone and had to go. After we hung up I decided to give in, and go meet him at his friend's house. So I guess he was under the impression I wasn't going to show up. I got dressed and left, calling his house on my way for directions (didn't know the apt #). His mom answered and said he left already, telling her he was going to hang out with me. So I called the friend's house. His friend answered, told me his "apartment was the upstairs one, but my boyfriend wasn't there". He said somebody else asked my boyfriend to go down to a local hangout/restaurant place. -When was he going to tell me?- So instead I drive to that restaurant, and some of his other friends were there, but he wasn't. His friends said they didn't even know he was coming by. So I decided to go home.

But.... on my way home, let me drive by his house. His car wasn't there, so then I drove my his friend's apartment building, and his car WAS there. So I walked up the stairs (his friend has JUST told me his apt was the upstairs one), knocked on the first apt door, and it wasn't his place. So I went back down the stairs (it's all outside) and there is his friend, standing in the open doorway of the apartment. As soon as his friend saw me he yelled "Holy $hit" and ran inside and slammed the door! WTF?! I walk up to the door, knock - no answer. Knock again - "who is it? its me. um, you can't come in, im not dressed. are you kidding me?" They really didn't let me in. I then called the house phone - heard it ring from outside the door, but nobody would answer. I knocked one more time. Nothing, again. Then I just left. I didn't know what else to do. I was extremely pissed, hurt, and embarrased. I felt dumb standing there knocking on the door, and being ignored. I'm 99.99% positive my boyfriend was in there, because his car was there, and I heard his friend say something to somebody after he ran inside. Now what I need to know is what the hell was going on in there that I couldn't know about??? I've come up with a couple ideas. One could be that he was just mad and didn't want to see me. But then I figure that he could have at least come outside or called me to tell me. Or, worst of all, there could have been a girl in there. Which is of course what I don't want to believe, but is a good possibility. It would be completely out of character for him, but I don't believe he would tell me, even if there was. The only way for me to find out would be for me to catch him. Just like I caught my previous boyfriend (of over two years). We dated right before my current boyfriend. He also knew about that whole situation, and of course promised me he would never hurt me like that. Worst of all, its now Monday night and he still hasn't called me. I haven't tried to call him either, I want him to call first.

This has never been the outcome of one of our fights. We have always talked within usually 2 days, but I am usually the one to call. I want to think it was just a fight, and he was just mad. But it could have been much worse (cheating). We have almost broken up twice in the past just because we don't like how much we fight, but it has always ended with us both emotional and telling each other how much we don't want to be without each other. The most recent incident like that was just about a month ago.

So to everyone who is still reading this novel, I sincerely thank you, and appreciate any thoughts you may have. I hope everything was clear. It's so hard to tell a short story. Thanks again folks!

[kellyp1]

It sounds sketchy, like even if he has a good excuse, I would have trouble trusting him after that. His friend outright lied to you and then made a big deal when you came by. If it smells like sh*t and it looks like sh*t, it probably is. He probably feels too bad to call you.

I would wait and see if he calls and has a valid explanation for what happened but I would tend to think you should move on, you are worth far more than that.

[swtbonita]

you're in a very difficult situation...

If i was in your situation i wouldn't be able to trust him again.. they only thing i can think of is that he was either doing drugs or cheating... either one it was I would break up with him..

If you don't like his friend, (which i have no idea why) maybe it could give you some insight on what they were doing, by what kind of guy his friend is.. His friend lied to you.. so you would leave..

Why would his friend say he was naked.. if you saw him there.. i don't get that.. wasn't he wearing clothes lol..

I would say just break up with him.. because he's not worth it.. he didn't want to be with you and he didn't want you to be there and what kind of bf is that..

[loveregardless]

bottom line is that there is no reason that your boyfreind should have been in a house that you werent being aloud to enter, stayed inside and left you standing out there like all that. PERIOD. whatever he was doing, he was doing something WRONG. he wasn't just mad. sorry sweetie, but you need to either brace yourself for being hurt or get out before that happens. i know thats hard to hear, its so cliche, especially when you care about someone, but you really do deserve better ...

[Papillon]

Hmm...drugs? Booze? Women?

I'd get out if I were you. While you still can.

[Pocky]

Everyone makes mistakes and I'm almost always saying to give someone a second chance and that we're all human, yada, yada, yada. But in this case I have a problem with the way you were treated. It's like spitting in your face. Not opening the door and pretending like he's not in there is completely degrading to you and I don't think I would have any respect for my boyfriend after this. Regardless of what he was doing - that doesn't even matter in this case. The way he acted when he was faced with a position to be up front and open was degrading to you and that lack of respect he has for you is as hard thing to change.

I rarely say this - but I'd end it.

[rogueless]

My best guess is that there was a girl in there with him. Whatever was behind that door, he acted inappropriately. I would move on if it were me.

[tanbark813]

I'm with the other posters. He may or may not have had another girl in there, but regardless of what was going on, the simple fact that he let you stand outside and ignored you without letting you in is reason enough to drop his a$$.

[Artifact]

Do you think there is something going on between him and his friend?

[Barby]

I wondered the same thing, obviously SOMETHING was going on up there for them to act like that. Exactly like they said....

1) He's boinking his "friend"

2) They were doing drugs and got paranoid because they didn't want you to know for fear you'd call the cops, want to join in, (not that you would just an idea) or something.

3) He had another girl up there and freaked because he thought he was busted.

I doubt it was just because "he didn't want to see you"

So I went back down the stairs (it's all outside) and there is his friend, standing in the open doorway of the apartment. As soon as his friend saw me he yelled "Holy $hit" and ran inside and slammed the door! WTF?! I walk up to the door, knock - no answer. Knock again - "who is it? its me. um, you can't come in, im not dressed. are you kidding me?" They really didn't let me in. I then called the house phone - heard it ring from outside the door, but nobody would answer.

that sounds too extreme for something as simple as not wanting you there, he could have (like you said) called you, answered the phone, or opened the door a jar and told you that you weren't invited and that he wanted you to leave. Something other than hiding like a criminal! NO matter what the circumstance I would be looking at "moving on" obviously he doesn't have very much respect for you to let you stay at there like a fool beating on the door. I know I wouldn't allow someone I care for and respect to feel so low.

[Leikela]

Wow, my first thought was that he was doing something sexual with his friend. Him going over there until 4 am in the morning every night of the week is pretty suspicious. Sounds like a little more than video games to me...

[Spinzel]

I don't think he's doing anything sexual with his friend. Well, not based off the fact that they were playing video games until 4am every day. A LOT of guys do that, and my ex did that. Some guys just like to do nothing with their lives except hang out with their friends and play video games.

Regardless, dump him. Both he and his friend were acting juvenile and cruel, and you should have someone more mature than that.

[billybadass36]

Do NOT call this guy. See if he calls you. If he does, I'd like to hear what his story is. Ought to be a doozie.

[YellowLioness]

Girl, don't waste your time on sh*ts like this. Trust me. Been there, dated the *********s, didn't even get a tee-shirt or a "f*ck you" when it was over.


Find someone who isn't a jerk to date. There are nice guys out there...

somewhere...

I think...

Seriously, though... when you finally get that nice guy who is good to you, you'll look back at jerks like this and just hate yourself for being nice to someone who didn't deserve you.

But, you live, you learn.

[FoolsRushIn]

Well I thank you all for your responses. I sincerely appreciate it. Of course it wasn't what I wanted to hear, but unfortunately, the truth hurts. I'm also coming along to the point where I believe I need to move on. But... easier said than done. It's certainly going to be rough. And just an update, still no phone call.... I just don't know what to think. I mean, we've been together for over a year... don't I deserve more? I feel like even though times were rough with us, and we may not have lasted much longer, I didn't want to go out like this. I just didn't want to end things on a sour note like this. It really sucks.....

Again, thank you everyone for your thoughts, I'll be sure to let you guys know what his explaination is, if I ever get one.

And anybody else who reads this topic, please feel free to put in your response as well. Any additional thoughts are always welcome. You guys are great!