who has had broken engagements and why? Tell your story!!!
If you have been engaged and had to break it off or you have been the one left to pick up the pieces.... do tell... why didnt it work? How long did you know each other, who broke it off? Did you ever get back together? Curious?
I got engaged when I was 16, which I believe is FAR too young for anyone in this day and age to be engaged at, regardless of how much you "love" each other. Personal development needs to come first, and personal development isn't anywhere near complete at 16. I had known him for three months, and we stayed together for nearly four years, at which time I was miserable. I had a lot of anxiety problems, quit my job because I was constantly losing it (although that only lasted about six months) and not on medication yet, had left school, and basically didn't do anything with my life. I was clinically depressed and very lost. He made matters worse by catering to my every whim and not giving me a good swift kick in the ass, which is what I desperately needed. I finally started meeting guys online and eventually broke up with him. I just didn't feel anything for him anymore. We rarely had sex, there was almost no romance (mostly because of me), etc. He took it hard, but I stood my ground.
In hindsight it was the best thing I could have done. I ended up moving back home, got my **** together, and now have been employed for six years, am a straight A student in my final year of college, and developed great social skills to the point where I'm a leader in many organizations. I haven't talked to him since shortly after we broke up. We tried being friends, but he was bitter and even suicidal over losing me, and I was dating someone else. I hear he's married now and has two children, and I'm very happy for him. He wasn't the one for me, and vice versa.
I guess the moral of the story is that no matter how bleak things look at the moment, they won't stay that way forever. Sometimes things happen in our lives that make it seem like we can't go on, and then, years later when we've developed wisdom and hindsight, we see that things worked out better than we could ever have possibly hoped for. This is true for me as well as him.
Last edited by Pained; 4th August 2004 at 4:14 PM..
I know this doesn't help, but time really is the cure-all. Sometimes it takes a lot of time. Some people can completely get over their exes in three months...for some others it might take a year or two. But you have to have faith in yourself, and in what you want. I have been devastated beyond my wildest dreams, but I eventually always got over them, even when they were "the one", or so I thought. Let me tell you, a LOT of guys I've been with have seemed like "the one". I think romanticizing the relationship really hurts. Your ex was an ass, and you deserve better. Don't put him up on a pedestal. Put YOURSELF up on that pedestal, and realize that someday someone will come along who is at your level.
Yeah, I got engaged the summer after my sophomore year of college (like 8 years ago now). We'd dated for about 8 months. We were engaged for about a year and then broke it off. We lived together for about 2 and a half months before we figured out that we just couldn't stand each other. She came from money. I was from a really blue collar background, and it was just readily apparent that we had different ideas on what each other wanted out of life. Well, we just "disconnected" over time. We both knew it wasn't working out, were both fairly miserable, and then I went off on a fishing trip for a week, which was good because we both needed time to think things through. Got back, and I was still up in the air, and mostly wanted to make it work out, but my fiance at the time pretty much had decided that it wasn't going to work, and we discussed it and broke it off. She gave me the ring back, gave me a hug goodbye, and I loaded up my truck with as much of my stuff as I could, and drove across Michigan to my parents' house to live out the remainder of the summer before school started again.
Well, I've seen her maybe twice since then. Spoken with her on the phone or email maybe half a dozen times. Anyway, we've totally moved on, and I'm now dating someone that I'm totally in love with. I'm not going to lie to you - the ride across Michigan was the worst 2 hours of my life. I had to pull over twice to throw up on the side of the road, mostly out of a gut-wrenching ill feeling that I'd just "failed" at something. Anyway, I was sort of in "limbo" emotionally for a while and I've had problems getting close to people since then. It sucked, but in hindsight and being a bit more mature nowadays, I can honestly say that it was the absolutely best thing that could have happened to me.
Yes I had my boyfriend call off the wedding two months before our wedding date. He said he couldn't handle the fact that during one of the breaking up periods, which lasted about 6 months (longest we had ever stopped dating), due to the fact he continually cheated on me. I ended up dating a guy I knew throughout my previous relationship with the cheat for about four months, and we slept together. After this new relationship ended, my previous boyfriend (the cheater) and I got back together and planned to get married (had the ring, dress, everything all booked). He had promised me he had grown up and would never cheat on me again. Even though he slept with about 25 different girls during our dating. But he could not accept the fact that I had slept with one other guy I had been dating even though we weren't together any longer.
However, he found a preacher’s daughter a couple of weeks later, who was 18 yrs old, and a virgin, and married her instead.
I was very hurt, but looking back now, I am very thankful! I heard through others that he is still up to his old tricks.
Whoa! That old fiancee sounded like a nightmare. Immaturity is one thing, but cheating is quite another. Why did you accept his proposal in the first place. He sounds like a real slim. Count your blessings everyday of you life he's gone!
I was engaged when I was 19 or 20 (I don't remember now!) He was a year younger than me. We planned to get married in a year and during that time we just fizzled out. He stopped calling me and we stopped going out. I stopped calling him and that was it. We didn't have any closure and I don't know why he stopped calling - except that he obviously fell out of love with me, or realized that he never truly loved me.
I got over it. We were too young anyway.
Oh! I remember, he gave me an "Itty Bitty Titty Committee" T-shirt for my 21st birthday! So I guess he was 20 and I was 21.
I wonder what he's doing now? Who he married? If he has kids? I haven't thought about him in ages!
All these over-with engagements are sad. That stinks. It sounds like most people broke up with their fiancees b/c the bottom line was they were too young. But I think when you're old enough, the commitment should be taken seriously, not just a spur of the momment kind of deal. Why were you so curious on "broken engagements"? Are you doing research for a study?
Well, I know a couple that ended their engagement. He was maybe about 23 when he proposed. When I asked him when the wedding was, he said it was 3, 4, or even 5 years away! That's when I knew he wasn't serious about it. I even told him and he disagreed. Six months later, when I saw him again, I asked how his fiancee was and he said he dumped her b/c he never really was in love with her. I told him, "You see, I was right" and he just laughed and fianally admitted I was right in the first place.
I broke up my engagement a few months prior to the wedding. I was engaged to a very nice and smart guy- we were both in our late 20s, early thirties.
Everything was ready, dress, reception, photos, flowers etc. Everything planned.
I broke it up as I realized that for a few years I had been trying to be someone I was not to fit his expectations. He fell in love with the person he dreamt I was. I had been doing it so long, I stop being myself, and I do not think he ever knew the real me. It took me a long time to realize that, but I did, and I also realized that I could not spend my whole life being someone I am not. Based on my knowledge of him, I did not think the real me would fit his expectations. No sure why I did that. He was nice, handsome, caring, and exactly the type of guy I wanted or had expected to marry all my life. We grew up the same way, and my family, his family, and him expected me to fit a mold or I pretty much knew since I was little that he was the type of guy I should marry. Of course, my family loved him and his loved me. It took me long enough, but I finally realized that there is nothing wrong with the real me!
It was for the best. It was extremely difficult because it was breaking up with someone that loved and respected me and everyone was so happy. I was going to have exactly what I wanted or was expected to want: husband, children, house with the nice white fence with the "right" guy. Of course, there were doubts, how could I not? He was everything most women want- it was very difficult, but even in the worse times, I know that I did the right thing for myself.
ok- thank you for reading- sorry I wrote so much. I have never put it on these terms before, so it was very therapeutical.
I was 32 and he was 36. We were together for 6 months. When he proposed to me he told me that he was seperated from a previous marriage for 7 years. He had just not gotten a divorce. But he told me that he would be filing and rapping everything up so that we could be married in a few months. We started planning the wedding. He never got divorced. I ended up breaking off the engagement and basically wanting to murder him every waking night for the next year after we broke up. He is still the only ex of mine that I never speak to.
Anyone else after having broken an engagement have the same sort of slowness to get emotionally attached with anyone? I mean, I would go out, hook up w/ someone (sometimes) or just date someone for a couple weeks, months, whatever, but it seriously took me like 8 years or so before I could take another leap of faith or whatever...and devote myself entirely to another person. Is that weird or what? Oh, and I had no problems meeting or dating women at all. I just had a short attention span or got bored or just didn't want commitment for a while. It was weird, though, being the guy that always showed up at his friends' weddings solo. That sort of sucked.
Not weird at all, Billy. I'm going through the exact same thing. Sometimes I just can't be bothered giving a *****, or sometimes I care at the beginning only to get bored later. I haven't come close to experiencing the same kind of suspense and highs that I did when I met my first love.
I am optimistic, though. I know that there is someone out there who could interest me; I just haven't found that person yet. It takes an awfully long time to find that kind of spark, which is why you should always appreciate it once you've got it.
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