I know I just posted something here, but I'm really frustrated and it's a different situation now. Well, now that I've mustered up the courage to dump this guy he WONT leave me alone! Last night (Thrusday 15th) I told him I might move to Salt Lake. He was really pissed off and upset because he knew it was because of him. It really pissed him off because he knew I didn't want to go because of my job and things going on at school. So he agreed to not bother me. And what does he do right after he leaves? He calls me 5 min later saying he can't deal with being apart from me. Then he calls me twice when he gets home at about 1am saying he can't deal with it. I told him to get some sleep and then get some help in the morning. I told him that I need my space and that I want to move on and I want him to move on. Last night when he called me the third time it almost sounded like suicide attempt. He suggested that he didn't know how careful he could be and that he was bummed no one was home. I didn't want to go over to his place because I want to move on and it was 1am so I was tired. On top of that I had things to do in the morning. Anyway, I called to check on him this morning and he was fine, so I told him "good luck" in hope that he would stop bothering me. WELL now he starts calling me again saying he's having a hard time, that he has no one else to talk to yadda yadda. I'm SOOO frustrated! Why won't he get it? Why can't he understand that I want him out of my life? I've tried to be blunt with him, and I've tried to show him that I'll do anything to just get away but he insists on calling me all the time whining about how bad his life sucks without me. I can't not answer my phone. The messages just get worse and worse. What the hell am I supposed to do? I'm so angry! He has done this before and it has gone on for weeks! One time he even wouldn't let me get any sleep and I almost went insane! Any advice? Anyone experiance this before?
If it's getting *that* bad the only thing you can do where you've told him very clearly to leave you alone I think a restraining order may be your last hope.
I don't know the details of your break-up, or how long you two were together... but I guess you could try telling him that there is no chance of you two ever getting back together, and that you both need to move on.
Don't answer his calls, change your number, etc. so that you don't have to deal with answering his phone calls if you don't want to deal with them anymore.
haha you know what works...get another boyfriend and when he calls..get your new man to pick up the phone and tell him to f*ck off..that worked for my sister..and she is actually still with the same guy who did this..
I doubt your going to do that, but it's an idea
But seriously, you need to be firm with him, and you can't be checking up on him, he's big boy, he'll figure things out..he'll get it pretty quick when you get pissed off at him, and never call him. He'll realize that it's time to move on, eventually..
Good luck with this..
I would say that the next thing you could try is being harsh, and not attempt to spare any of his feelings. I know you were blunt, but perhaps not blunt enough. You may have to yell at him and show him how angry and frustrated he is making you. After you very bluntly tell him again that you don't want him contacting you, start to screen your phone calls. Save any messages/voice mails that he might leave, just in case he starts to freak you out more.
It may be annoying to you to have to screen your phone calls, but outright ignoring him and blocking him out of your life may be the best thing for you to do. You could also change your telephone number. Verizon allowed me to do it for free, considering that I claimed someone had been bothering me and I had never had it changed before.
If you ever do change your number, keep one thing in mind: Make sure you specifically tell your phone company that you do not want your new number listed. Sometimes when your number is changed, if someone calls it there will be a message indicating that the number has been changed, including the new number.
Get a restraining order. Seems harsh, but so does being harsh. This guy obviously has a problem. I just am conjuring all sorts of horrible possesive ex boyfriend murders pretty blonde ex girlfriend who only wanted to get the hell away stories.
... You dont owe him anything. I have been rejected and it is a bad feeling. I am mayure enough, however, to know that if someone you want doesnt want you, you cant force them.
Spell it out to him like so: 'I do not want you...deal with it!...WITHOUT ME!! '
If he kills himself, heez killed himself. Dont worry yoself abt it. Just do most of whats been suggested... Change number, dont check up on him, etc etc.
One might argue that the more you stay away from him, the more he'll press. There is some truth to that. But do you want to take the chance of spending more time with a suicidal person? .
Thank you for all of your posts! They contain some very good advice. I know what you all mean about just ignoring him, which is easier said than done. The hardest part is is that deep down I do still have feelings for him and I do miss him. Lately he has been calling me a lot. At least three times a day. Yesterday I did something stupid and went and saw him at work. He seemed so happy to see me. His face just lit up. It was nice to see him happy, but at the same time it was uncomfortable. Today he wanted me to go get him lunch and take it back to him at work. I told him I was on my way home with some grocerys but I could bring him a TV dinner or something. He threw a fit and said "NEVERMIND" because he didn't want a TV dinner, he wanted fast food. Nonetheless I refused to go out of my way so he could be selfish AGAIN. He later called me up and told me I wasn't a real friend because I wouldn't take 2min out of my day to help him out. I totally freaked out on him and reminded him how many times I've taken him to the doctor, and gone to the bank for him etc. Then I told him that part of it was because I didn't want to see him. He got the hint and appologized. Then he told me he didn't realize that I didn't want to see him! I asked him "What did you think I mean when I told you I needed time and space?!". Anyway, the whole deal just really sucks. A big part of the reason I want him away is so that I don't feel like I'm hurting him over and over again, but he's just so persistant! It was really stupid of me to go visit him yesterday. Actually, I think I was in a no win situation. Since I did go visit him he probably thought it was ok to ask me again, but if I wouldn't have gone and visited him we would have had this big fight anyway. OR maybe I should have told him yesterday that I didn't want to see him. But I was a chicken. His birthday is coming up this weekend. I don't know what to do. Should I give him a present? Maybe invite him somewhere so he doesn't have to spend it alone? Or am I just digging myself in a deeper hole? I feel like a hypocrite because I want away from him but at the same time I want to part on good terms. Am I a pushover? Is it one of those "You can't have your cake and eat it too" things? All I know is that it was an ugly relationship, and it's ending ugly. I HATE this!
you are playing games to get the attention he gives you that nobody will ever give you. good luck breaking him up again with false hopes and making him miserable.............
In my opinion... if you keep seeing him, and keep in contact with him like this -- he's going to see this as a chance for reconciliation right now... and he's going to keep trying to "win you" back. Or whatever he has been doing to you... contacting you non-stop, etc.
Give him a call on his birthday, that's it. I think you're going to have to cut him off completely, I suppose that's the best way to show him that you want to move on without him.
you need to seriously re-read the previous replies to your thread and take them seriously...there's alot of quality help in there, none of which you have taken action on...
I know you want to spare feelings here..but it's time to take care of yourself, nevermind him.
Originally posted by Medgirl
WHOA. I didn't ask for the putdowns! Maybe you didn't understand? I'm not enjoying the attention, I just don't know what to do!
I think some of the people see what you're doing to him as leading him on.
If you really don't want to be with him... then you have to stop bringing him tv dinners, talking to him everyday, etc. It makes him happy when he sees you because he doesn't want you to leave, and he thinks you will be getting back together by all the nice things you are doing for him... but he will be even more miserable if you keep stringing him along. I know you want it to end on "good terms," but it's going to end up worse the way you're doing it.
Last edited by Blah Toolz; 18th July 2004 at 7:53 PM.
Thanks for being understanding Blah Toolz. I really appreciate it and I understand that I need to just cut him off. It's the best for him. I'm really NOT trying to lead him on. I'm just not very good at this breaking up stuff. I'll just have to buck up and cut him off. Again, I appreciate the understanding.
Please note: The suggestions and advice offered on this web site are opinions only and are not to be used in the place of professional psychological counseling or medical advice. If you or someone close to you is currently in crisis or in an emergency situation, contact your local law enforcement agency or emergency number.
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