[thecake]

Is it a good or bad idea to talk too much about your past relationships or your life in general when entering into a new relationship? I’m one of those people who thinks everything a person has gone through before you meet him/her is very important because it lets you know early on what issues they may have and how they dealt with past problems, if they’ve had their heart broken, have been cheated on, have trust issues, etc.

I’ve heard a lot of people say you don’t have to disclose everything that has happened to you in your life to people but I guess I don’t have anything I mind telling…good or bad things because it’s all part of what makes up the person I am now.

And, for the people who don’t want to give details about their past can you explain why? Do you feel it doesn't matter...that there is no point?

[msrealdoll]

There are some thing I don't disclose. Some are embarrassing, some just aren't relevant. There are things that have happened to me or that I've done that would never happen now. They have very little to do with who I am now-other than perhaps me knowing that I wouldn't want to do it again.

I like open, honest relationships. But I believe that complete honesty and being too open can be harmful.

[thecake]

How can it be harmful?

[Girly Girl]

I think it can be harmful if you have changed in the meantime. If you are not happy with a way you either were in a relationship or just in general, and your actions are not at all wha toyu would consider doing now, it might be too hurtful to the person you are with today, who knows you as you are. How you got to taht place may be irrelevant to your current partner. They might question your motives and/or your chances at a "relapsing" into old behaviours no matter how much you try to convince them otherwise.

You have to understand your current partner clearly to know what they can handle. I am in a relationship where we can be completely open, but I know that is not always the case, so I understand the fear and/or issues.

[msrealdoll]

How can it be harmful?

For example, people in committed relationships find themselves attracted to someone other than their partner. They would never act on it. Telling their partner might cause them unnecessary stress and worry. Or telling someone they are too fat, etc.

Some things you have done in your past, like as a teenager or young adult. For example-I was a very wild teenager and put my dad through hell. I wouldn't disclose some of the details, because it has no bearing on what's happening now.

I would disclose anything that the other person has a right to know-like anything that might indicate my emotional stability or morality. But details from 25 years ago? Nah.

The best policy is to not put yourself in a position where you might want to lie. That's how I try to live.