I was doing alright ... why did she have to contact me?
You won't believe this ...
After nearly 2 months of absolutely no contact, my ex has the nerve to send me this e-mail.
Hi. I've been wondering how you are doing?
And wondering if you are sure you don't ever want to talk to me again?
I have been busy. With real estate. Got a few possible good leads that should be falling into place the next couple weeks.
Not in a relationship. But had met someone and went out a once and we are getting together again. How about you? How is the job coming along? Any plans of moving soon? I know you said you wanted to.
Well, if you want to talk to me please e-mail me.
Don't reply. Just forget it. If she had something real to say, she would have said it. Who knows why women do this. Some weird urge to see if you will still react, I think. I've seen it so many times. I always reacted, too. As if it meant there was hope. I was always wrong.
Re: I was doing alright ... why did she have to contact me?
Quote:
Originally posted by dazednconfuzed
You won't believe this ...
After nearly 2 months of absolutely no contact, my ex has the nerve to send me this e-mail.
Hi. I've been wondering how you are doing?
And wondering if you are sure you don't ever want to talk to me again?
I have been busy. With real estate. Got a few possible good leads that should be falling into place the next couple weeks.
Not in a relationship. But had met someone and went out a once and we are getting together again. How about you? How is the job coming along? Any plans of moving soon? I know you said you wanted to.
Well, if you want to talk to me please e-mail me.
Y'know what I feel like saying to her??
BITE ME
WTF?? The email sounded ok until this, "Not in a relationship. But had met someone and went out a once and we are getting together again." I know this may be hard for you to believe, but you are winning this battle with her. You know why? She cannot believe that you have not contacted her or chased her and she doesn't know how to handle it. So what does she do? She adds in that little tidbit about going out on another date with someone again to make you jealous. It is a desperation plea for you to get upset and think you are losing her to another man or that she is having another "one nighter" with this guy so that you will start chasing her. I mean come on, after two solid months of no contact, this is what she sends you because she is wondering how you have been? I'm sorry, but I don't think she contacted you to make up and be nice. I could be wrong, but this email stinks if you ask me?
smells kind of fishy to me, sounds like she wants you to not get over her, why mention the guy and that she is going out again. I wouldn't give her the time of day, you said it yourself "I was doing alright" .Well you can keep doing alright by not letting this get to you....just my opinion, good luck
but what could she hope to gain by "not wanting me to get over her."
You're her "just in case". That's what she hopes to gain.
If you don't want to hear from her again, block her emails. If you want her to get the message that you don't want to hear from her, set up an auto-reply in your email program that simply emails back whatever auto-response you want to send her.
Okay. I am very sorry. I made a mistake. Please e-mail me back.
I want to know how you are doing.
I miss talking to you.
My life got so hectic and I just wasn't ready for anything with anyone.
And
you were WRONG
"TOM" is not anything other than a friend and barely that now. I told
you I
wasn't interested in him and I meant it!!!
I really want to talk to you again. I hope you are doing well. Please
consider writing me back.
I totally agree with unreal, as well as with dasani. Why all of the sudden does she happen to care about what you're doing now? It almost sounds just like what dasani said, you're just her back up guy in case things don't work out with whomever she's seeing now or in the future. Do yourself a favor; keep pressing forth just as you were before she contacted you, go out and have a good time, think nothing of her, and don't give her the satisfaction that you're thinking of her.
And by the way, yeah it does appear that she's trying to play head games with you...Don't go with it, actually, I have a suggestion. You don't have to go with me on it, but do this; e-mail her back, tell her everything was peachy until she had to ask you how you were doing, you could care less about her seeing some other shmuck, but thanks for asking, then block her emails from that point on, no matter how tempted you are to read them LOL.
Originally posted by dazednconfuzed
This is the letter I got tonight from my ex ...
"TOM" is not anything other than a friend and barely that now. I told
you I
wasn't interested in him and I meant it!!!
I really want to talk to you again. I hope you are doing well. Please
consider writing me back.
What does this mean???
Is she playing more games with me?
That almost sounds as if she's trying to hide something, and yet, why would she be trying to hide something if the two of you hadn't contacted each other in months? Something to think about.
Dazed and confused
Its funny I have been reading this book called "makeup, dont breakup" and it talks about how 6-8 weeks of not contacting someone can make a dramatic effect ~ I am not saying you should respond, but it seems to be about that amount of time, and shes probably realizing what she lost. They say 6-8 weeks seems to be the amount of time because they go into this emptiness and really realize what life is like without you; I am not even sure i believe her about the new guy, why did you guys break up?? I would do what the first person said. I wouldnt be all mean and everything, because then she will think you are still upset. I would just say "everything is going great, hope you are well! On my way out, have a graet day! bye" Im sure this will drive her nuts. you really didnt contact her for 2 mths??? she didnt try to contact you at all till 2 mth later? did you answaer that first email or no?
Last edited by LoveShack.org Moderator; 10th July 2004 at 12:31 AM.
Reason: E-mail Address Removed. Not Permitted.
Okay ... I sent her 3 sentences telling her that I am doing fine. Busy with my job. golf lessons and the like.
Glad she was doing well.
Gotta run.
and this was her response ...
Golf lessons? Way cool. You getting good?
I am glad you wrote me back..really. Please don't make it sound so
painful
to write me.
You seeing anyone?
You still living in your haunted apartment?
I hope we can talk really. I am sorry I was such an ass and a jerk. No
excuses I know..I don't know what happened with me after my step-brother commited
suicide. I just kind of lost it. I am sorry. Truly sorry.
If she is playing headgames with me, then she is truly a sick person. I don't know how to react. I don't want to show her that I care and I certainly don't want to show her that I'm angry anymore because if she's playing games with me, she'll dig that. I thought an indifferent response was the best and most infuriating response I could give to her ... and it worked. It hurt her.
I guess i have a choice now ... I can either try and pursue a friendship with her or I can forget about her, tell her that she blew it and that it's just not possible anymore (especially if she's got a new love) She has not brought the other person up yet so I'm not sure, but I'll be damned if I'm gonna volunteer any personal info about my love life to her ... and if she tells me about hers, I guess that's all I'll need to make up my mind about staying her friend or bailing.
I am sorry that she contacted you, but it the nature of a women that she makes sure that you are ok. She still feels responsible for you, and probably wants to be friends. Men and women are complicated.
You could email her back, reassuring her that you are fine, and asking her not to contact you again. That way there is finality. I wish men and women were more a like, then this stuff would be easier.
Okay, look...she is CLEARLY reaching. She regrets what she did, she probably misses the hell out of you and realizes she REALLY screwed up. Did you two keep in contact at all after she broke things off?
I've posted several threads in various areas on this site. My ex dumped me two months ago...did the "Im really sorry" thing only two weeks after the breakup...he felt really bad for hurting me. I'd done nothing wrong when he dumped me, he was going thru his own stuff and simply couldn't deal/didn't want to be in a relationship.
I allowed the "friendship" thing for five weeks...it made it much, much worse for me. I finally told him I can't be friends right now 19 days ago. IF you want her back, here's what I advise...
Give her a call, if she doesn't answer, leave a message....VOICE is so much more personal than email. Tell her that you appreciate hearing from her, it was considerate of her to get in touch and that you accept her apology. Tell her that you've reached a point in your life where you're really happy, that you've moved past all of the negativity, and you're happy to hear she's doing well.
IF she answers, ask her why she's contacting you so suddenly. If she pulls the I miss y ou and want to be friends deal, tell her you're really flattered that she's been thinking of you. BUT...tell her while you forgive her for hurting you, the feelings between you were too strong for you to attempt friendship at this time. Tell her that you've really gotten things together and your life is going well...at this time, you feel it's too soon to jeopardize your emotional wellbeing by trying to be friends with someone you had such strong feelings for so soon. Now, here's the kicker....IF you want her back, you can open the door at this point. Tell her that you will always care about her wellbeing...and if she's having second thoughts and or regrets about the breakup, if misses you on a different level, she's more than welcome to call and maybe you two can talk. IF that's what you want...if it isn't, simply tell her all of the other stuff and leave it at that. Either way, it shows dignity and maturity...you're being honest and open without being bitter, angry or hurtful.
Please note: The suggestions and advice offered on this web site are opinions only and are not to be used in the place of professional psychological counseling or medical advice. If you or someone close to you is currently in crisis or in an emergency situation, contact your local law enforcement agency or emergency number.
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