My love is not sleeping with me because of religion, but is sleeping with his ex

suzyq2 · 14th June 2004, 4:14 AM

Hello, well this is probably an unusual situation, but i really need advice. I left my husband for someone I accidentely fell in love with at work. My husband was very controlling and it was a bad situation. Anyway this man is my soul mate. He can look into my eyes and read me like a book. We can talk about anything and I cannot explain the love and the closeness that I have with him.

He was so crazy in love with me in the beginning that he wanted to marry me and get me pregnant. I on the other hand was still going through my divorce, trying to raise my children and buying a house. I had to back off from the relationship-it was just too much at the time. Since then he has been in my life and tells me he loves me and is in love with me, but cannot make love to me because he promised God that if he would let me back into his life that he would do the right thing. We haven't slept together in a year. The big problem is that he is sleeping with the mother of his 2 year old son. He says he does it to keep the peace with her. She's really just not right. They never dated-they just liked to have sex and she planned on getting pregnant to trap him. I know this because she has told so many people.

He tells me he's not mine yet and that I should just accept it.What do you think?

Kat · 14th June 2004, 4:20 AM

So he doesn't have sex with you bcause he promised god, but he sleeps with this apparent 'hussy' who uses him for sex?

I don't think you need anyone to tell you that he is messed up and that you don't need a part of it.

magda · 14th June 2004, 4:21 AM

Quote:

He says he does it to keep the peace with her.

And he get's nothing out of it?

I vote you drop the guy... seems that he's pretty much dropped you. How'd you like to be married to him and he still sleeps with bimbo to "keep the peace"? I mean, where do you draw the line? If he wanted to be with you he'd have stopped with her because what's the hold-up? Don't wait around for him - make a promise to God of your own to get a real man in your life that's a role model for your children and a support system instead of a stress for you. good luck.

suzyq2 · 14th June 2004, 4:30 AM

I know, I know! I also have to work with him. That's what is killing me everytime I get over him he pulls me back in. He's very Rico Suave-he knows exactly what to say and do- We all live within 2 blocks of one another too. Very small town. I just hate the thoughts of having to find another job when I've been there for 6 years and I love it, but it's looking like that's gonna be the only solution. Thanks for your advice

magda · 14th June 2004, 4:35 AM

If you've worked there longer than him maybe you can figure out a way to get him outta there. Or is that too wrong to suggest? Depends on your workplace, I suppose, and your method. Just a thought.

Course, it could be a life changing transition to get a new job... might be a new man there.

Shasta · 14th June 2004, 5:18 AM

Exactly! Either that or if you have a trusting enough boss, you could ask him/her to keep you two apart (off of assignments together, etc.)

Debster · 14th June 2004, 8:31 AM

You shouldn't need to say anything. If this quote is actually true and you believe it:

Quote:

He can look into my eyes and read me like a book. We can talk about anything and I cannot explain the love and the closeness that I have with him.

Then he would:
a) already know that you don't like what he is doing
b) would not sleep around on you
c) would not think you would believe such a crappy excuse
d) you would have already had an adult discussion about this.

If a-d is not true, then I think you need to rethink IF he can actually read you like a book and that you can talk about anything due to your love and closeness.

I mean, come on!!!

morrigan · 14th June 2004, 3:57 PM

If you want to deal with that much bullsh*t, you should move to a farm. Otherwise, ditch this guy--he's not anyone's soul mate, just a manipulative slut. You deserve better than this.

If you think you can stick with your job and just avoid him, go ahead, but if he bothers you that much, it might just be better to get another job and some amount of piece of mind.

Fritz · 14th June 2004, 4:16 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by suzyq2

He tells me he's not mine yet and that I should just accept it.What do you think?

You should accept it and move on, with all do haste. Leave him pronto. If you can't avoid him at work or ignore him then get a new job. "Religious" types like this remind me of the quote: " Prayer, the last refuge of a scoundrel".

Normally I'd feel sorry for a guy who got trapped into marriage via parenthood but hey, he made his bed and now he has to sleep in it with a harridan, harlot and/or hussy.

suzyq2 · 14th June 2004, 4:29 PM

Everything you all have said is so true. I am an intellegent woman and I have thought about all of this before. It's just when you are the one caught up in the moment it seems different. I just needed to hear it-I mean really hear it. He's so good at it that he makes me think it's all me and that I am the one with the problems, and that I should be O.K. with it.
I will heed everyone's advice and I have already submitted some applications at other places. Lesson Learned though-Dating in the work place is NOT a good idea!!!!!!! I will update you guys on what's going on later.
Again I really appreciate all of the honesty and you guys are great!!!!!!!