I've been visting this site on and off for the last couple of days, just catching up.

While I am extremely delighted that some old friends are doing quite well for themselves, I am disturbed by the number of posts which seem to take pleasure in bashing other posters.

I understand that some may not like a shoot-straight-from-hip style, but that's no excuse to make derogatory comments about him/her or his/her person. I notice that most bashers are in the "Other Woman/Man" forum. I understand too that most people in that forum aren't looking to get out of their relationship, that what they're looking for is support to continue their relationship under the guise of "wanting to get out."

May I remind you (and you know who you are), that this is a public forum. When you post here, you're going to get everything from a pat on the back to the verbal equivalent of a slap upside the head. Just because someone said something you didn't like or they didn't agree w/ you or sugarcoat their advice doesn't mean you're entitled to make personal attacks on that person.

Compassion begins at home. As defined by Webster's dictionary, compassion literally means to suffer w/ another, to have a deep awareness of another's feeling. I think that's why many of us are here on the Loveshack. So, when we give advice, it isn't about feeling superior or being high and mighty, more often than not, the advice we give is borne of personal experience and the desire to stop someone else from making the same mistake or just a need to make someone else aware of the consequences of their actions.

Personal attacks are petty and childish. They serve no purpose other than to deflect one's attention on the real issue.

That's all I have to say.

Iamhappy (formerly Iamnotnothing)

I had seen a post or two with some personal attacks, but I just assumed that was the norm in that forum (OW/OM). I try to stay away from it!

Nice to see you stop by. Glad you are happy.

-Deranged

[Debster]

Our posts generally end up giving the same advice and we both tend to shoot straight from the hip. I too have received negative comments/backlash from some OW who post under the guise of wanting help but really all they want is someone to tell them that what they are doing is ok. They don't really appear to want to do anything else but vent. Most of the time, I end up giving up and realizing that everyone has to learn their lesson their own way.

Don't let anyone stop you from posting. You have a voice and opinion that should be heard. When people ask for advice - they should get it - both the good and the bad. The rare time, it can actually help someone to realize their situation is dismal and to get the guts up to do something about it and realize that they deserve better.

Good luck.

[HokeyReligions]

Personal attacks are not allowed. For those who are new here--read the Guidelines for details. If you look at the bottom of each post, there is a line that says "Report This Post To A Moderator" if you click on that you can send the post directly to a moderator who will, if necessary, take appropriate action or use the "Contact Us" feature on the bottom of the screen.

We all have topics with which we take issue and sometimes it comes out in an angry post--I've been there and done that too and I've edited my own posts when I realized that I was aiming the anger at the person and not the subject. Since biting my tongue doesn't keep me from speaking out with my fingers when I type, I now copy the threads that tick me off and answer them in another software and then paste them into LS. This sometimes keeps me from saying things I shouldn't!

[Mr Spock]

I think these posters have some GREAT advice. They give me their opinion on what they think I should do and I welcome it. No one LIKES being told that the man or woman they love doesn't love them. It HURTS. We the OW are touchy, defensive and constantly afraid of rejection. Yes, we submit ourselves to it, some willingly some thru naievty (me) but now that we're in this terrible mess we come to this forum for help. Not all OW want to be told what they're doing is wrong-and they need to break it off simply because the MM isn't respecting them with comittment-which is why you get the anger. Please don't stop continuing to give your advice to me. If you hurt my feelings I'll tell you.

[Samantha16]

I too have noticed arguments starting in threads. I avoid them. But it really sucks that you have to come to a place that's supposed to be a support group and get people putting you down. I haven't really been bashed for any of my opinions, but have been falsley accused of being the same person under two different user names and passwords, along with my friend. It's pretty insulting, and kind of makes me not want to come on here anymore, because I'm just getting angry. But we know the truth, (my friend and I,) and it pisses us off but we were just outside on a break kind of laughing about it. I had said, I wish the people who were being rude to us and starting trouble were people I actually knew, but we're having trouble with people we don't even know!! I guess it is kind of funny. We tried to clear up the misunderstanding with 'contact loveshack', I'm just waiting for a response now. I think they think we're the same person becasue we run off of the same server at school. Hopefully it will all be cleared up, so our creadability isn't ruined on this site. It's a great place to come, most of the time.

[shamen]

Hi everyone: In most cases when I come here, I feel like it's a good and wonderful thing.

However, there are certain instances where some people are making personal attacks on other people. PLEASE TAKE A MINUTE TO READ THE GUIDELINES at the top of the page. We are not supposed to attack other people; nor does it matter in what forum you are.

We are allowed to disagree with others, but please do so respectfully and in an appropriate manner, not by throwing out insults.

Also please remember that not everyone here has their first language as English, so please try be courteous to other people's errors.

Thanks for taking the time to read this. It just gets a little depressing to see ourselves as humans insulting other people in such an inappropriate way. This is supposed to be a place we can come to in safety. Just my two cents!

PEACE.