It has been just over a year since the end of the relationship. I fell hard for someone who is commitmentphobic. Like in the book by Steven Carter, he did and said everything to woo me and I went for it. A few months into the relationship, I leased a new apartment so we can start sharing our lives together. A month and a half later, he basically got up and left. With no real explanation other then that he need some time and space. I agreed to show my emotional support and later found out that while gone, he reconciled with his ex. I was devastated. I couldn't understand how someone who would repeatedly say that they are in love with you, would run the other way.
Anyway, once I found out about the deception, I broke up with him. He turned out to be someone who has repeatedly disrespected and deceived women he has been involved with. I was just another statistic. Looking at his past history, I got off lucky. He is now back with his ex and their two children, but is in the cheating mode again.
My road to healing has been bumpy to say the least. Just this week, I have hit the anger phase with a vengeance. My patience and temper is much shorter, and whenever I am reminded of my ex, my blood just boils. There are times when the anger gets soo intense that I have the urge to punch, kick, scream...you name it. I just restarted my gym visits, hoping that will help release some of the tension. I am angry at the fact that I was taken in by someone who had no real intention of living up to their words. He led me on and then bailed. I didn't deserve that. Also, I am angry at the fact that it seems like what we shared, didn't mean a damn thing to him. He was able to move on. I could just claw his eyes.
There are more things I can say here, but then I would start sounding like a raving lunatic. I would like some input from people who have gone through the same thing. Also, how long they were in that phase, and what helped them get through it. Thanks.
Last edited by Just Visiting; 1st June 2004 at 5:22 PM.
i kinow what you mean. my story is way too long, but i was with a livein for 5 years when he had a new gf and lied and cheated...and the worst was she then kept calling me and both ended up at my work. anyway, i was in shock then denial, then anger, then rationalization where i was justifying his behavior (ie it was my fault...i drove him to it, it was over anyway, etc). just make sure you don't get to blaming yourself...there's no excuse for anyone to lie and cheat so much. that's fine if they want someone else, but they can break it up and be truthful first even if it hurts you at least it's the truth.
i still can't help but wish them ill will...and it seems silly to have such anger later. but you do have to admit any decisions you made yourself (ie if moving in or out) and get on. i think the best revenge and getting over is knowing that you don't end up finding out much later with kids, married, etc...that is as least you got out and freed yourself early on.
I have been in your shoes. My husband (soon to be ex) cheated on me many times and I didn't put it all together until he gave me an STD. Yes it was curable and I no longer have it, but damn it, how could the man I married, and had two beautiful kids with do this to me?
I went through the shock phase. The numbness phase, the depression phase, and the anger phase. Now I am in the acceptance phase.
All these phases have taken me about a year to get through. Don't get me wrong. I am still very pissed and hurt, but I don't want to let it rule me any longer. I deserve better. If that means that I am single for the rest of my life then I will be better off for it.
I say good riddance. Working out helps, going out with friends helps. And when you are ready, dating again can help. Especially when you meet a genuine person. I myself am not at that point, but I have been told that is a final step to going on with your life.
Anyways, basically what I am saying is, take your time going through the phases. You are not a raving lunatic, you're just a person that is trying to move on after a major heartbreak. You will get through this, and be better for it.
Oh yes.... the ANGER phase! Hmm.... what can I say about this phase??? It will pass.... LOL. Trust me! It may come and go at times... but the really really angry/resentful..claw his eyes out phase will end! I promise!
I fell in love w/someone who knew beforehand that we couldn't take things further than "sneaking around" and it really hurt to hear him say things to me.. and treat me like his little princess.. and then one day just walk out. THat's what hurt me most.. was that he could do that.. and I felt so rejected.. so deceived. I felt that anger.. and time really helps. Also.. just finding other things in life that lift your spirits up will help too. My ex and I speak sometimes.. but I have decided that even if I don't understand why he did it.. I'm going to have to forgive him.. in order to move on and be happy.
Yes....yesterday was a tough day. My anger was brimming over. Even though our relationship was seven months long, he hurt me deeply. Like one of the replies noted, if he wanted someone or something else, he should have been at least mature enough to come tell me. Rather than sneaking out the door and going behind my back. The way I feel right now, I don't think I can ever forgive him for that. Or at least forget how he mistreated me.
To help release some of the anger, I wrote a two-pager on my feelings and why. I then proceeded to tear it up into itty bitty pieces. It helped me get a decent sleep (I felt emotionally tired after the exercise). So I decided to do it every evening till I am done with all the anger. What surprised me the most last night was the AMOUNT of anger I have. It felt like it was neverending.
I also experience such anger stage from time to time.
My husband (soon to be ex) cheated on me and caused me so much pain. He found himself a new gf and still continued lying to me. I quitted my job and flew over to join him. Then he slowly revealed his true colors. I was so much tortured by his hurtful words...as he kept chasing me home since then. I suffered for 6 weeks and that made such an impact on my mind. I am not going to forget all these.
He even told me how much fun he has had with that girl...their happy times...how they dated behind my back when I have arrived.
Up till now, I still wished them dead. How I wish he will suffer that much and even more than mine. HOw I wished he got some diseases from that girl.
Im still going through the whole anger phase, I think...part of me wants to see him just so I can scream at him,,,and the jerk had the nerve to say on the phone when I was breaking it off "im sorry i was such a bad boyfriend" ---you know, in that "oh boo hoo im feeling sorry for myself yet again and ignoring your feelings" tone.
Im still angry, but:
* writing helps
*doing purely mindless FUN things with close friends helps
* looking for ways to better yourself, taking up new hobbies, making a scrapbook for the "new you without the jerk" helps
*smiling, because you're a stronger person without him and he's never gonna see your fine loveliness again, even if he comes back groveling haha
People always say meeting new people helps too, but I dont really feel like meeting new people sometimes, and I just wanna curl up in a ball in my room and sleep, but that doesnt help anything...so getting out with folks you already know helps and doing stuff you've always thought was cool and fun is great because its familiar, and its with people who have always made you laugh, and you wont be thinking about the guy that made you cry.
Originally posted by will_woman
I also experience such anger stage from time to time.
My husband (soon to be ex) cheated on me and caused me so much pain. He found himself a new gf and still continued lying to me. I quitted my job and flew over to join him. Then he slowly revealed his true colors. I was so much tortured by his hurtful words...as he kept chasing me home since then. I suffered for 6 weeks and that made such an impact on my mind. I am not going to forget all these.
He even told me how much fun he has had with that girl...their happy times...how they dated behind my back when I have arrived.
Up till now, I still wished them dead. How I wish he will suffer that much and even more than mine. HOw I wished he got some diseases from that girl.
OMG...that is awful on how he treated you. What a mean, self-centred jerk. I can relate on wishing them dead. I wrote in my paper last night that I hope he rots in hell.
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