[greyskies]

Hello my LS friends I really need some encouragement on Sat. I'm going to dinner with my entire family that I've been estranged from for 15 years for some of them and anywhere 20-25 years for the others. Even my mom is gonna be flying here from Penn. and I'm so nervous. All of these siblings have been around each other and I have been the outsider all these years with no contact. I feel that being that from what I understand from my daughter that these people have been talking a lot of crap about me through the years and it makes me very scared to actually be going to a public place with these people and having a dinner. It is for my mom and my daughters birthday. My mom is gonna be 71. And my daughter is turning 18. My daughter was three when they went with my mom and then she left state and left them with my sister whom is 10 years older then me.

I was left by my mother when I was 8 years old. And I had my dad and six older brothers that I had to take care of because my sister was long gone by then. It was the worst days of my life. I went to treatment for my abandonment issues in the past but since all of this with my daughter has brought me back into the family again. I feel them old painful feelings again. They are the most painful memories of my life and I thought I had let them go but here they are breaking my heart as if it was yesterday. I was the baby of 6 boys and 2 girls. And my mother and I were very close she went no where without me. Then one day she went to work and i snuck into her room to play with her make-up only to find it was gone. Along with everything else she owned. And I freaked out and ran to the living room and asked my dad where did mommy go with all her stuff? And he looked at me with the words no forming on his lips and grabbed his chest and fell to the floor. I will never ever forget that day I called 911 or back then i believe it was 0 for operator. Then I tried dragging him outside for air. My dad was the bestest dad ever but after that day he wasn't the same ever again.

I tried to be my mom and cook and clean and do laundry. Needless to say at 8 years old I screwed up everything I tried. And felt like I let my brothers and father down. Next thing I know I'm in a foster home. then a runaway and my life was pure hell basically. But my daughter called as you know after a 15 year separation. And I'm very happy. But really I just want my kids back in my life not everyone else because they never wanted me around until she called me and now its like we have all been waiting for you. Bull**** they did nothing but lie to my kids all these years and I just feel like when I go Sat to this party I'm gonna get dogged out or something. I'm very scared. My daughter really wants me there so I'm going but I don't know what to expect. Any advice for me out there or has anyone else experienced anything similar?

[average guy]

Hi,

I just read your post and am not sure of this is too late or not, but do you have a close supportive friend who knows your history and feelings who could be there with you? If not (again, I relaise it may be too late) butI stringly recommend that you talk to a therapist or seomone before you attand (and afterwards).

I know families can be tough, all my friends know my famous quote "just because their family doens't mean you have to love them!"

Best of luck

[Fancy]

Your post brought tears to my eyes. I'm so very sorry for what you've gone through. I'm completely estranged from my family as well. I don't know what the others might say but if it were me, I wouldn't go. Unless they're ready to make some major changes and heal some wounds, I don't think it would benefit you in the least to subject yourself to that again. If they're truly sorry, that's another story, but I would be hesitant.

My heart really goes out to you. I wish I could give you a big hug.

[shamen]

I know it's Monday, so I'll just ask what you decided to do. Did you go? If so, how was it?

[greyskies]

Yeah and I was fashionably late and had movie camera rolling. I was a nervous wreck. My ex went with me because he is the only one I have told the story to. And he was ready willing and able to take on the task.

I felt like everyone except my two daughters and my daughters boyfriend and his mom were totally phony to the macks. My moms jaw dropped when she seen me and she wouldnt let me go. She was crying and she said you look so beautiful.

The minute we walked in they started placing the food on the table. But my niece and I havent seen in like 27 years was there and she came up to me and said you look the same as you always have. And then the man whom fathered my daughters sister was there and she came up to me and hugged me with her phony smile.

Well I was kind of pist because my daughter didnt get a gift from any of these people. Just I and her bf mom and her bf brought gifts but my mom and my sister and everyone else were just there to examine me I felt and when the bill came they all didnt have money so me my mom and my ex and my daughters bf mom paid the entire 160 dollars for all of them to eat.

My daughter was so happy and she loved everthing I got her too and she also informed me for the past 15 years she was never given a party. That broke my heart. But I assured her that she will every year that im alive.

I feel nothing when it comes to my other family members. I hear no love in their voices nor feel it from their hugs. I feel nothing. But when it comes to my girls you can just tell that they are in awe like over me. As well as I am with them. As we were leaving the restaraunt my mom hugged me and said please forgive please.

And I broke down and cried. It took her 29 years to say that and thats all I wanted was for her to acknowledge that she was wrong for lying about and to my kids and for doing everything she could to keep us apart. FORGIVE her I do because shes my mom. FORGET NEVER. Which is why Ill never know the mom I did way back when we were never apart.

And I wanted to be like her in everyway. And I was and still am exactlly like her. The only difference is I wanted to love my children to watch them grow and was kept from having that pleasure. She wanted her lover more then her children. The pain is still very very real but some day I will be able to let go of it completely I hope. Any suggestions on how to do that? Sorry so long. AAAAWWW I needed to write this thanks!

[CurlyIam]

This extremely rude of me, but I don't think I'll be able really give the right advice without knowing.

Why were you sepatared from your girls? What is the whole story?

I only seem to get bits and piees of information from your post.

Of course, should you feel uncomfortable answering my request, you don't have to. But having the whole picture will help us give you beter advice and thus help you better.

Hope you don't take badly my being so nosy

Curly

[greyskies]

Ok this is how I lost my girls but let me first explain how I had my girls. When I was living with my sister and he live in bf. I was 13 years old and they kept me out of school to watch their new born child my niece Sam. Because they both had to work to make ends meet. Well my sister was a drunk and every night when she came home I was ready to run to the store to go steal her a bottle of booze. It was a daily ritual for me and I just did what I was told. She would get drunk I would cook dinner and do dishes by the time that was done she would be out cold and after being there fore about a month. I was hating life because my sister would get drunk and start talking crap to her bf and then he would beat her black and blue I would try to stop him and get knocked to the floor. Then came that awful night when my sister had taken some pill and was drinking also and she was passed out cold. Thats the night he came into my room and started touching me I was scared to death so I would just stay asleep. I thought if I woke up and said anything he would really hurt me. This went on every single night for about a week or so. then he only worked like five blocks away so he started coming home for lunch.

And at first he just had me make him something to eat. But he started getting on my case about his daughter not having her nap yet. He told me I'm gonna be coming home for lunch to make sure she is taking her naps do you hear me. After he said that I was like unable to sleep at all that night I was so scared that if the baby was asleep he would try to do what he was doing at night. Well the next day he came home for lunch and the baby was asleep and he basically raped me forcefully and left after he told me go ahead and tell everyone will hate you not me. Your family doesn't love you thats why you were in that girls home and who got you out of there ME. Remember your own sister said that very day when I told her lets take you home? She said No way I am not taking her home with us we cant afford it. And then his dad came and got me out of the girls home and then he gave me to my sister and he bf. So I totally believed him. And so it was I was his sex object for the next 8 years. when I was 14 he had me smoking rock cocaine with him and I hated it. He would do so much weird **** to me. He would go away on jobs for like three days and would make me ask my sister to go spend a few days at his dads. And if she would like say no he would fight with her until she would say yes. Then they would take me over there and then when he would leave on his three day job he would come and get me. The reason he would do this is because I was pregnant and he would have to take me to LA for an abortion.

This happen so often that the doctor was getting mad at me because by the time I was 25 I had had 12. Well let me explain this also. The man was not normal he was evil very evil I mean he would get away with everything he was sleeping with all these women at the same time ...My sister, me, Norma, Donna (His brothers wife) Sue (his brothers ex). And we were all around each other on a daily bases. Everyone today says they had no clue he was doing that to me which is a crock of S*&t. I wanted to tell so bad but !. I was addicted to the drugs he gave me. 2. I was deathly afraid of him. 3. I truly thought he was the only one who loved me. 4. He never hit my sister again after he started coming home for lunch everyday. (I remember I use to sit by the front window when it was almost time for him to come and beg god to let him get arrested or in a car accident.

But every single day he would show up. I was so sore and tired and scared. I couldn't understand why this was happening to me. But all I did know is that I deserved it because God never answered my prayers and the last time I prayed I was crying my heart out to God begging him to keep him from showing up. He walked in the door and noticed I had been crying. He was so angry that he sodomized me because he knew it was because I didn't want him to come home for lunch. That day I learned how to leave my body and just go somewhere else until he was done. But after he gave me drugs I hated myself because I thought I was falling in love with him and it made me sick. But the doctor told me I was in love with the drugs not him. I was so relieved to hear that. Well on Thanksgiving Day everyone was at my moms and they were all dogging me out because I told every one I didn't know who the father of my girls was. So I just came right out and said it. Ron is the father for your information. And all hell broke loose my sister attacked me and everyone else was saying "How could you do this to your very own sister?" And when I told them he has been doing it since I was 12 they all called me a liar and made me leave. I wanted to die because what he was telling me all along was true they hated me. Well at that time I lived with my mom and my baby girl was like two months old. And I was made to leave so I left with my girls and went to his dads house. He contacted Ron and he came and got me and the girls.

Well the beatings started instantly for telling my family and got worst as time went on. Only I didn't stick around because I couldn't handle him doing that in front of my little girls. One of his friends gave me his house and moved me in it while he was at work. I was so happy for like two days. Then he found us some how and moved right in. Well my oldest daughters birth day came and I sent out invitations to everyone. And I wanted to buy her a wing set. Ron worked but spent most of his money on coke. I was collecting welfare. And I was really busy the day before cleaning etc. So he offered to go get he swing set. So I gave him the money. Well needless to say he never came home that night and I was very very mad. And I had a feeling I knew where he was.

And I had a feeling I knew where he was. At the Red Lion Inn with his brothers wife. So my friend next door watched my kids and I hopped on her bike and rode the five blocks to the hotel. And when I got there I asked if he was registered there and she informed me he was. But told me to talk to him I had to use the courtesy phone to call him first. Well he answered the phone and I stood up to him for the first time in my life. I told him that if he spent the money for my kids swing set on that room that I was gonna kill him well he hung up and I seen him suddenly appear at the front desk. I walked over to where he was and the lady had just put the phone bill on the desk for him to sigh and I snatched it and ran out the door. He came after me but I beat him home and locked myself in the rest room and put the bill down my pants. Well a couple of friends had gotten there for the party so he couldn't do anything.

I was waiting for his brother to get there because he had no clue that his daughter wasn't even his it was his brother Ron and that his wife has been having an affair with him for many years. Well the party went OK only I didn't have a gift for my daughter and I was so embarrassed. And MAD! well after most of the guest left Greg Ron brother was playing with my daughter and his daughter on the grass. I went over to him and asked him if his wife slept at home that evening and he said no. well the phone bill I took had all the evidence he needed to prove that she was there with him. He took the bill from me and his wife walked up and said what are you two talking about and he picked up his daughter and said our divorce. And got in his car and left.

She started making a scene and I made Ron and her leave. While they were gone I packed all his close in boxes and changed the locks an waited. He came Home around 300 am and was trying to unlock the door but he couldn't and start banging on it really hard. It woke up my kids and my daughter looked up at me and said mommy your not gonna let daddy in? I said no sweety I cant. and she started crying for him. and he was outside the window crying too. And I know this man for 16 years and never seen him show any emotion in my life. And he kept saying he was sorry and my girl convinced me into letting him in.
Well foe a few weeks or so things were Al right I guess . I hated him but was in a situation I couldn't get out of. And we were three months behind on rent and I got my check and he got his and we had no food and 1 bottle of formula for the baby. And out electricity was getting turned off that day. So I went with my neighbor to pay the bill and gave him the remainder of my check to go see the landlord with. well I came home from paying the bill and the house was empty. Everything was gone except my close and the kids close and beds, He took the fridge the stove the TV stereo hutch tables chairs everything. I had a nervous break down and ended up in the hospital. My mom got the girls and took them home. I got out three days later and there was an eviction notice on the door. I called my mom and she said I can keep the girls but there's no room for you. I was cool with it as long as the girls had shelter. I became a basket case homeless in the streets and I got introduced to meth and being without my kids and homeless was so painful but when I would do meth I felt nothing. And became very very addicted.

I tried to see my girls on a daily bases but my mom always had an excuse they are sleeping at the park with their aunt Lynn or something. After a while I couldn't take it anymore and called the police they drove me to my moms house. And made them give me my kids for 1 hour. I took them across the street to the park and my oldest girl came up to me and put her little hands on my face and said mommy I want to go with you please. And I had nowhere to take them and couldn't. That was the day that Ill never ever forget when I had to tell my sweet daughter she couldn't come with me. She cried and cried when I took them back and I had to walk away listening to her scream mommy over and over again. Wanted to die. I hated my mom and sister for doing this to me refusing to let me talk to them on the phone or see them. I just buried myself in my addiction. And this story is very very long but thats how I lost them.