[LoosScroo]

So, first of all.. I'd like to say hi to everyone that reads this. I'm a new member as of today. I have a question about my ex-girlfriend and what's going on with her now. I've never been a member of a message board like this, so here goes nothing I guess.

My ex and I were together for 2 years. We'd spend all the time with each other (which probably wasn't the best thing to begin with), and we'd do everything together. It was a hard 2 years, however, because she had a few problems with mental stability. During just the first year her friends and I had to convince her (along with her convincing herself) that she needed to be on anti-depressants. Anyway, she had some problems but I decided to tough it out and help her with them rather than give up. This is not to say I didn't have my faults, but I had several different opinions on our situation that pointed to her being the core of the problem most of the time. In short, she was pretty immature and high-strung (which is something I'm the opposite of).

Anyway, the problem is that even though I dumped her (which was extremely hard), I still feel like I miss her. Especially because like 4 months after we broke up she started dating another guy. Not dating seriously, or so she says, but it still hurt when I found out. You'd think that 7 months is enough time, especially for the one that did the break-up, to get over this but apparently it isn't.

My question is, should I be over her? I mean, she's with another guy but why should this bother me if I wanted the relationship to end? Is this just a matter of jealousy? Thanks for your responses, guys.. any of them will be appreciated.

[bluechocolate]

It sounds to me like you may have broken it off because you could no longer be her doctor or counsellor but you still loved her regardless.

Sometimes that is the right thing to do. A relationship is about your growth & happiness too.

And sometimes no contact is the right thing to do too, even on your side of the break up.

Step entirely out of her life & when you're feeling down about it remind yourself why you ended it in the first place.

[azgirl]

K. I'll give this one a try. A long time ago, I broke up with a great guy. Unfortunately something was just missing. Felt kind of like he was my brother. No spark. Anyway. It was very VERY hard on me and him, too naturally. We actually remained good friends for quite a while and still speak once in a while to this day. He is very selective about dating. I was his FIRST everything. Even kiss.

He helped me move out to AZ from Michigan, even! And like 7 or 8 months later he came out here again because his brother was in a band and had a gig out here and he was traveling with them. Well, he hadn't dated ANYONE since me - yet. But I go down to see him while he was here and was going to let him stay with me. Well, he had gone and gotten himself a new girlfriend and you know what?? I was pissed! Furious!!! I even cried a little bit. Couldn't quite figure it out either. And even more time had passed since our break up than what you are experiencing. Like a year and a half almost.

So I reflected on this a little bit. I think what hurt and pissed me off was that I wasn't number one anymore. He had moved on which meant he was over me. Not to say that I think I'm SOOO great that people can't get over me, but I always knew he loved me to death and maybe I kind of liked the fact that I was number one in his book, and that if I needed anything he would step up to the plate and help or maybe I harbored fantasies of getting back together with him one day. I don't really know. All I know is that it is ok that you feel this way. You obviously cared deeply for her and for whatever reason you just didn't think it would work between you. But you still care and knowing that she has moved on makes you feel that she doesn't care for you anymore. Maybe that's why it bothers us so much sometimes. Even if we were the one who ended it.

[ace6061]

LoosScroo,
I am currently going through an ordeal with my ex. She left me about five months ago. We are still talking but who knows. I can only imagine what people on this forum are saying about me talking to her. My point is that I know she still loves me but that does not mean that we are going to get back together. This situation hurts a lot and is an open wound for me; I know that in the end I am causing my own pain. There are no set rules! It may take you well over a year to get over her. Being jealous is totally normal. The only thing I suggest is look inside yourself. If you know that it will not work, let her be. Don’t cause her any unnecessary pain. Remember you broke up with her. In the end follow your heart no matter what anybody says but don’t forget about her feelings.

[LoosScroo]

thanks for the insight(s), guys.. they honestly did help. quite a positive first experience with these forums. things are looking up for me, so i think i'll just concentrate on that. good luck to you and yours..