[rebelbichoice]

Hi there...I am a married women to a wonderful man. I have always known I have bisexual tendencies but have always supressed those feelings until lately. I have a best friend whom I've been friends with for years..I am very much attracted to her physically, emotionally, mentally. I have recently discussed this with my husband..and he say's he understands..and would be ok with it..However I tend to wonder if he actually would be "Ok" with it. It's one thing to say it..but it's another once it's actually happend..and something like that you can't take it back after the fact. I love my husband very much..and have no desire to leave my marriage..but I feel this is something I don't want to go through life wondering "what if". My question is..are their really marriages out there that can sustain this type of relationship..and are there men out there who are really "Ok" with there wives being bisexual?

[bluechocolate]

from my fav comedy:

There's no such thing as bisexual. It's just greediness.

You made a committment to your husband. Now you say you are getting emotionally, physically & mentally attracted to someone else. That is classed as cheating in my book. Three in a marriage is one person too many. He may say he's OK with it but, like you, I doubt it. You want to satisfy your curiosity at the risk of hurting & losing your friend & hurting & losing your husband. If you have no desire to leave your marriage then go with the "what is" rather than the "what if".

[rebelbichoice]

I appreciate your response . I did make a commitment to my husband one that I would always be honest and open with him. This "Attraction if you will did not arise over night..but has been there for years and is mutual and isn't curiosity. I know what I am..and it's not curious. However as far as the cheating is concerned I guess we each have our own idealism of what cheating is. I could have very easily hidden this from him and just decided to go ahead and sneak around behind his back.. and yes, that in my book would constitue cheating and is cowardly. However our relationship has never been of that and i'm not about to turn it into that now. I love my husband very much and in no way shape or form out to hurt him. I'm just looking for some advice from maybe someone who has experience in this.

[bluechocolate]

Didn't your committment to your husband include being faithful? But if you have permission from your husband to cheat on him then I guess it doesn't matter, is that it?

You say it isnt' curiosity but "what if..." to mean implies exactly that.

Anyway, I'll bow out now & let you wait to hear from someone who has been in the same situation as you.

[Pyrannaste]

My bf told me more than once taht he'd have no problems if I wanted to try to have sex with another woman.
One female friend of mine does not actually mind her boyfriend to sleep with a male friend of his as long as he uses a condom.

Looks like to some people it really does not count as cheating.

Perhaps you can really love two persons of different sex at the same time..... what I knew for sure is that if I ever cheated on my bf with a girl, I'd be in the very least taking something away from the relationship. That's because the last time I had a crush on a girl I was not attracted to any men I knew in the same time.

Perhaps your husband would not really be confortable with it but he cares about your happiness and he thinks it is right that you make this experience and find out something about yourself, even if he risks losing you.

It was great that you were honest about it.

[jmargel]

There is a difference between having a physical attraction and an emotional one. If your bf is fine with you being just sexual with another woman that's one thing. But when it becomes more than that, then problems arise. My fiancee is bi-curious and we both agreed that if we have a 3 some together and if either of us feels like there could be anything more than a physical attraction then we stop what we are doing.

[Moose]

My wife has bisexual, "Tendancies", but she promised she would never act on them. Like others in here, that is cheating in our book. When we talked about it she said that most men wouldn't mind if their wives allowed a third in the bedroom, she was shocked when I told her I wouldn't allow that. It's not because it wouldn't be and exicting experience, it's just that she seems to live in the here and now and doesn't take future consequences to heart.

I wouldn't want my wife to experience me having sex with another women just like I couldn't handle her being with another man. And I say that because I know her sometimes more than she knows herself sometimes. If it ever happened she would be ok with it in the beginning, but then knowing that I did, what is to stop me from sleeping around with other women behind her back? This would be something that would come up later and to avoid that, I say...don't do it, or maybe you need to decide to be with him or her and stick with just one.

[rebelbichoice]

I just want to say thank you for your input. I appreciate your honesty.

[johan]

About the only way I can think of for it to be ok for you to do this is if you post pictures. Otherwise I recommend against it, because it would be bad for your marriage.

This not directed entirely at the original poster, but something I just don't get:

Why on earth do some bisexuals think just because they are attracted to each gender, they get two lovers (one male, one female)?

rebelbichoice,

You have made a commitment to your husband. If you truly love him, you will not act out your fantasy. You say you are emotionally attached to this woman. It is no different, in my opinion, than being attached to another man. Would he be cool with that? No. And I doubt he is actually "ok" with this.

Please think about any possible consequences before going through with anything. Cheers.

-Deranged

[johan]

I think people generally assume that the same-sex partner is not a threat to the marriage. It's just a harmless sexual outlet. A buddy. But I agree with you. If my girlfriend started getting too close to a woman, it would bother me just as much as if she started hanging out with some other guy. I could even get jealous of her job or even her family, if I thought that they were getting time or energy I expect to be used with me.

I'm not really jealous of her showerhead though. I'm ok with that. Guess you have to draw the line somewhere.

I'm not really jealous of her showerhead though. I'm ok with that. Guess you have to draw the line somewhere.

! Of course you do.