I want to share my story with friends on this forum, hopefully you can help me make sense out of this.
I signed up on an online dating service for fun, and one Friday when I logged on, a guy IMed me. His profile was brand new and fascinating. The conversation went well, and we had lunch the next day. He was instantly smitten by me, and I was attracted to him too. Before I knew it, we already kissed passionately in his car. This was very unusal to me, I am pretty and sexy but I am uptight at the same time.
This started a three week intense relationship. He was working average 70-80 hours a week, and his firm was in trouble. But he managed to see me twice a week and called me everyday -- around 9:00PM when he drove home from work. After each date, he would call me the next day and thanked me for giving him such a wonderful time. Toward the end of the three weeks, he arranged a nice dinner, and we finally had sex. It was the best I ever had. He called me the next day and told me he had a great time with me. Then I heard a couple of times from him. More than a week after our last date He called me and told me that he was buried by work, he could not see me even he knew he should etc. And same time, I noticed that he stopped going to the dating site.
And then I didn't hear one thing from him for almost a month. I called him a couple time, no response. After a month, I made a random call and he answered the phone. I was straight forward, basically I told him if he wanted a breakup just told me. But he just told me that he was working all the time, hopefully he could talk to me soon. And he was so forceful that I agreed to wait.
Then another two month, nothing from him. During that period, I met other guys but I still missed him a lot. Finally I decided to leave him a message. He called me back the next day, and anxiously asked me out again.
Then it started a 3-4 month relationship. We saw each other maybe once every two weeks. But each time it was so intense and passionate that even I know he was a workaholic, I still wanted the relationship badly. And he started to stay overnight.
Around 3 month ago, after I didn't hear from him for almost a month. Finally he called me very late one Evening, he was upset and sounded crying. He said he pretty much didn't sleep the whole week because of the work load, and the earliest time he ever got to go home was 10:30PM. The next day, he called me to take me out for dinner, but ended up dropping by my place very late in the evening, weary and hungry. He took me out for breakfast the next day instead. And we were so in love with each other that I quickly forgave him. That was the last time I saw him. After that, he seems disappeared.
I wanted to move on, but I missed him so much. I don't know what to do?
Whatever the reason - work or ???- , this guy does not have time for you. If you can cope with keeping on the same way you started - i.e. rare contacts with a weary person - then go for it. Otherwise, try to forget about him.
Trying to figure out if it is better to be dumped in favor of another woman, or in favor of someone's career ambitions......hmmmmm.....
__________________ Heavily medicated for your safety.
Clearly he has no time for you in his life & no one can sustain any kind of a relationship with such sporadic contact, especially in the beginning.
SoleMate is right:
Quote:
If you can cope with keeping on the same way you started - i.e. rare contacts with a weary person - then go for it. Otherwise, try to forget about him.
from the way things are going, he's not serious about you.Be careful!!!!!!! Something smells fishy.
Or maybe i'm paranoid coz your situation is sooooo similar to mine.
for the second time tonight, i'm recommending the book "Avoiding Mr Wrong" by Stephen Afterburn.... i'm 3/4 through the book.... its about 10 types of men and how to deal with them. It's not a man-bashing book despite the title coz reading it i can relate it to myself too... worth reading.
Among the characters outlined in the book, you'll find The Deceiver and Mr. Wonderful. I'm not saying he's a liar or deceiving you, but realistically you only know him a few months and you have to prepare yourself for "surprises".
Thank you all for the support. It feels so good by finally spitting things out.
He told me he is Jewish on our first date. I was not raised religiously, and I consider myself agnostic. So, this doesn't really bother me, and be frankly I hardly know what it means by being Jewish. And this actually added to his attraction towards me. Though later I found out he is from a prominent Jewish family, I saw him eat pork ribs, bacon sandwiches, so I think probably he was not that religious. But he avoid talking about it, when I asked some specific questions, he either distracted me or gave me a wrong or vague answer. There was a time I thought since I don't know much about his culture/religion I may have offended him in the ways that contributed to his elusive behavior.
Well, he's truly the mystery man! Chewing on pork ribs, then dashing off to develop his career for the next month! Crying and being anxious, then kissing you passionately, then disappearing for another month until you have him hunted down! Answering questions about his background with vague misinformation, then taking offense at you! And going AWOL again!!!!
Stay with him, he's a winner, you will never lack for conversation topics as you ask your girlfriends where they think your "bf" might be.
im sorry... he played you... he apparantly has someone at home... hes a liar .. he is trying to be on the other side of the yard and proved more than he bargained for.. get over and lessoned learned from this bad experience with online dating... move on and keep being a survivor .. dont ever neglect your gut feelings.... good luck... angel
I know you said that he called you every night on his way home from work, but what about from home? Has he ever called you from home? Do you have his home number? All of this sounds a bit fishy tome as well. No one works 80 hours a week every single week. He wasn't working 80 hours a week up until you guys were intimate. But shortly there-after he became bogged down with work. Then he called you at 11pm? That's called prime- botty call time out here. He is deceitful, obviously hiding from or avoiding you, etc. You deserve better. As my granny used to say, "It it walks like a duck and talks like a duck, guess what? It's a duck." I think that you should move on. He is bad news.
Does he sound like the guy he has described himself like on his internet profile?
Another possibility, apart from having another woman, is that he has trouble with relationships and he just created a new online personality ....which is very interesting, funny, attractive, charming while is real self is dull and boring, and he could not keep up with it, and now he's scared you'll find out the truth.
But I agree with the others that he has not time for you in his life, sounds like he was NOT looking for a serious relationship.
He never lied about his job, his place, and when he said he would show up and he did. If he would be late, he always called to let me know and was sincerely upset with himself when he would be late.
I think probably he is not interested in long term relationship but he has been sending mixed signals. I am not interested in serious relationship with him yet, but I was so fascinated with him that I wanted to know more and more about him. But he seems pretty closed out. And isn't it the case people all start out dating causually and to see if there is potential?
I only date one at one time until I find out if he is the right person or not. But in this new millinium, the rules seem changing. But I would feel so uncomfortable if I see more than one at the same time or if my date see somebody else on the side. Am I out dated?
Please note: The suggestions and advice offered on this web site are opinions only and are not to be used in the place of professional psychological counseling or medical advice. If you or someone close to you is currently in crisis or in an emergency situation, contact your local law enforcement agency or emergency number.
Linear Mode
