Cheating, Flirting, and JealousyBeing unfaithful to your significant other or suspect them of the same? Can't stand the way they flirt? Jealous? Discuss your experiences here.
Okay, I know people have asked this before, but I just don't get how strip clubs are okay (well lap dances) and not considered cheating. I mean take away the location and the money and what do you have a half naked woman rubbing her body all over a man who is suppose to be in a committed relationship.
Before I ramble on too much, my basic situation is this- I have a great boyfriend and we've been together for 1 1/2 years and outside of getting lap dances at strip clubs I know he never has cheated on me nor would he, but he occassionally goes to strip clubs with the boys (ie- trips away, bachelor parties, guys from work...) So no he isn't a frequent visitor and yes I give him credit for that. I do realize he can't be the wuss who can't go so I don't have a problem with him going, but I do have a problem with lap dances.
I have friends who tell me it's no big deal, but I don't get it, like I said it's a naked woman rubbing herself on my boyfriend- somehow I don't think men would appreciate it if their wife or girlfriend went out and did exactly what they did.
Can someone please make me feel okay with lap dances or tell me I'm not crazy?
Speaking as a guy, I can't say definitively that lap dances are cheating. That said, however, they're way too close for comfort.
At least, that's how I see them. And even though I went to strip clubs while I was married, I never had one. My explanation to my friends was that it was too much like infidelity.
Little did I know that TBXW had cheated on me numerous times. We're divorcing. After I moved out I went to Vegas with some friends and got multiple lap dances, guilt free. At least one of us retained their integrity during the marriage.
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I believe there are different degrees of cheating..........varying from not cheating at all to "he's a dead man". So, I think you have to decide what you are able to handle as far as your man and other women. We've all caught them turning their heads when an attractive woman walks by, possibly noticed that certain conversations are more flurtatious than others. Some don't mind at all if their man is out on the dance floor busting a move (quite close) with another woman.
Then of course there are extreme cases in my opinion, where couples are very "open minded" and chose to share eachother with one or more people outside the relationship.
I think you need to decide how much you are willing to handle. If you are truely bothered by him getting lap dances from half naked woman he should definately respect that.
Now me on the other hand, I'm a bit more vindictive. I would go to a night club where men are all over the female audience and have photos taken.......then ACCIDENTLY leave the photo on the kitchen table.......LOL.....then see what happens!
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If i am in a relationship with a girl that I care about then I don't really have the desire to go to strip clubs. They are kind of lame anyway. But really I don't think its that big of a deal if a women gives you man a lap dance once in a while. On the other hand, it is kind of immature. We are all a bot insecure when it comes to our lovers and other people, I can understand that. On the other hand, perhaps you have some trust issues. If your man is immature enough to get lap dances eventhough he is in a secure, satisfying relationship then maybe you worried about your man getting a 'happy ending'.
If i am in a relationship with a girl that I care about then I don't really have the desire to go to strip clubs. They are kind of lame anyway. But really I don't think its that big of a deal if a women gives you man a lap dance once in a while. On the other hand, it is kind of immature. We are all a bot insecure when it comes to our lovers and other people, I can understand that. On the other hand, perhaps you have some trust issues. If your man is immature enough to get lap dances eventhough he is in a secure, satisfying relationship then maybe you worried about your man getting a 'happy ending'.
If I was with a girl, and she didn't mind, I'd get a lapdance. Hell, there are girls out there who would go WITH me.
And if I was with a girl who DIDN'T want me to get a lapdance, I would respect that and not do it. But I don't think I'd go for a girl who wouldn't let me go to a stripclub in general. I don't want a girl who will LET me do anything. So to speak.
If you feel the need to have other women all over you topless/naked to turn you on or whatever that is in a way showing your 'girlfriend' that she is not hot enough in ur eyes... or doesnt turn you on by herself... i dunno. I would take it that way if my b/f had lapdances. why would you feel the need to go see other naked girls if you were in love???
To me a lap dance is not technically cheating, but it would be enough to kick my bf's ass if he got it without my permission and/or not in my presence.
I don't see why any woman should *force herself to be comfortable* with her SO getting a lap dance. She either is okay with it, or she is not.
Originally posted by Pyrannaste
I don't see why any woman should *force herself to be comfortable* with her SO getting a lap dance. She either is okay with it, or she is not.
I absolutely agree.
Singa, you don't have to feel ok with it. If you aren't comfortable with your SO recieving lap dances then talk to him about it. If he's as great as you say he is.....he'll understand. Then offer up a lap dance of your own
The problem with these situations is that the woman is left wondering WHY her man would want to be involved with another woman in such a provacative way.
Any men out there who would like to explain why?
he had to have the stripper at the bachloer party, we fought for months on where the "line" was..... we finally came to no licking, touching or sex.... but the fact that he wouldnt respect my wishes on not having a stripper because I thought it was cheating, ended up in the end killing our engagement and the wedding is off.... he thought it was a trust issue we had.... well I found out a month before our wedding, 2 weeks before the bachloer party that he was looking for sex online at lavalife.... our entire relationship of a year and 1/2.... it makes me sick to think men think its okay for stippers, porn and online chatting with gals.... its disrespectful and says to the girl that she isnt enough....
A local radio station was holding a contest for people getting married over the summer. On the premise that most bachelorette parties are lame, they were offering to sponser a bachelorette party to callers and were offering a venue, catering, open bar and male strippers (and they were promising a wild time). Men were calling into the station pleading their case as to why their fiance should win the bachelorette party.
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Strip clubs and lap dances are "bad boyfriend behavior" in my book. An absolute deal-breaker.
It doesn't matter whether he's paying for his outside sexual romps, or getting it for free...I prefer my relationships to be with grown-ups and not horney frat boys.
NOT saying that I wouldn't allow my partner to do whatever he pleased...I refuse to try and control anyone's behavior except my own. Given that, I would make my own choice to exit the relationship PRONTO.
My life, I can live it however I want too!
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Last edited by EnigmaXOXO; 18th May 2004 at 12:07 PM..
Originally posted by InmannRoshi
A local radio station was holding a contest for people getting married over the summer. On the premise that most bachelorette parties are lame, they were offering to sponser a bachelorette party to callers and were offering a venue, catering, open bar and male strippers (and they were promising a wild time). Men were calling into the station pleading their case as to why their fiance should win the bachelorette party.
This is out of dire and malevolent curiosity.
Did any single one of those men say anything like "oh, c'on! let her win that bachelorette party, so she'll *have* to have it and I'll be able to get a party mydelf and have female strippes without her nagging"?
I'm anyway sure most of those guys were thoughtful and just wanted their soon-to-be-wives to enjoy themselves. Cool.
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