I'm in so much pain. It's kinda long, but I've held everything in for so long...:*(

SassyGirl

I'm only 17 and I'm completely heartbroken. I'm a junior in high school and my ex (a senior who will be graduating in about a month) dumped me a little over 8 months ago. I can't seem to let go. It just hurts so bad.

I'm so in love with this guy. I started dating him when I was 14 and it was so good. I lost my virginity to him my freshman year; I had never been so close to anyone. He loved me so much. I know he did. I just don't understand why he just suddenly turned on me.

Now all I get from him are lies. Whenever it seems I'm getting better/moving on, he does something to bring me back. I was doing so well, then he called and cooed "I love you" into the phone. Oh no.. It was downhill from there. He'll suddenly go all, "I love you", hold my hand, act like he used to, etc and my heart just melts and I end up giving in. For a while, it was like we were back together, only unofficially. Well, I understand that a person cannot be controlled, even if they are your bf/gf, and I never tried to control him, but he acts as if I do.

He never used to drink or smoke and now I found out he recently has at some party. He didn't even tell me he went and I heard it from one of my best friends. Then he calls a couple of days after he hears people talking about it and asks if I've heard, completely denying it and promising me he hasn't done anything that would hurt me or anything he knows I wouldn't like.

He promised me a long time ago he'd take me to prom even if we had broken up and went as friends. Him and his best friends took twin girls that are in my grade to prom last night. They ditched a girl they were both taking for the twins. He didn't even tell me he was going. He went to get his tux the night after he called me. He hasn't called me since. I heard from friends he said if he wasn't taking me, he wasn't taking anyone, but if he went, he wanted to go alone so he could talk and dance with other girls. Then another friend told me that he said next year would be my senior year and I'd be able to go with whoever I wanted and **** whoever I wanted. Then he laughed about it.

He's planning a trip to Washington with two of his best friends (a guy and a girl) (we're in deep south tx) and he hasnt even told me about it. All these things I've asked him about indirectly and he totally plays it off. I asked him if he had plans for summer, prom, etc and he says no as if he's so innocent. He thinks I know nothing, but omg, it all comes back to me! And my heart breaks when he lies to me about it.

A while back, I did a bad thing. For one, I ended up kissing his guy best friend. Well, he kissed me, but I didn't exactly fight it. I had just found out he kissed that girl so I think I was just trying to even it out. It didn't. He doesn't know. Anywho, I gave in and slept with my ex. We've been sleeping together. The last time was about three weeks ago. I guess I'm good enough for him to ****, but not good enought to take to prom.

Oh yeah, he kissed a girl in my grade and hasn't admitted it either, but he got jealous when a senior guy wanted to ask me to prom and gets jealous of guys who talk to me or wanna talk to me. He has a really bad temper and ends up punching walls and stuff. I think he just wants to have me there.

He says he still loves me and sometimes I believe it, but I just don't know. I can't deal anymore. It hurts so much. I have no spark anymore. I feel literally sick to my stomache.

He said the first time we slept together after the breakup (a month or two later), after he took my home, he cried because he felt so bad for hurting me and said he still loved me so much. He told me this a while back.

Oh yeah, when he first broke up with me, it was online and he said it was because "he was tired of the whole gf/bf ****". Help..please..I don't know what to do. I know so much and he doesn't know I know so I end up acting as if everything is all right. I feel so fake. I'm going insane. He lies to my face and promises and tells me he loves me. It breaks my heart all over again. Help, please..advice..something. I'm only 17. I shouldn't feel like this. I regret meeting him sometimes...

The only thing I can seem to do is cry and wait for him to care.