I was looking at the section we have on LS and was thinking we'd need one for Long Serious Relationships too.. Just a thought.
Anyway, I was talking to my friend back home and she told me how she wants this big, serious relationship with this manshe started going out with and how she dreamsof moving in together oneday with him.
I, on the other hand, came out of a Long Serious Relationship, I've lived for more than 2 years with my ex and I think that one sure way to be sure that your thing with the bf will end is to move in with him. I'm 23, I was 22 at the time, I admit I may have needed lots of space and privacy.
I sow at least 5 long serious relationships ending - and not with a marriage - after the 2 lived together for like years. And heard of even more.
SO... I believe living together is a good idea exclusively when you're married. true or false?
It's hard to say, really. I was engaged to a guy that I lived with. I ***** canned his a$$ because his former roommate told me how much he had screwed around on me. That didn't have a thing about us living together.
My husband and I lived together prior to marriage, and although he denies it, he's also cheated.
My dear, wonderful brother STRONGLY insists that I NEVER live with another man before getting married to them.
After all the bad luck I've had, I'm willing to listen to him and heed his advice
What I'm trying to say is that living togeher, no matter how much you try, will kill the romance. There are lots of good things, but bad things overcame the good ones and in the end will kill the relationship.
Fed, he cheated on you whileyou were living together? Did you know? Did you confront him? And most importantly, why did you marry him?
Originally posted by CurlyIam
What I'm trying to say is that living togeher, no matter how much you try, will kill the romance. There are lots of good things, but bad things overcame the good ones and in the end will kill the relationship.
Fed, he cheated on you whileyou were living together? Did you know? Did you confront him? And most importantly, why did you marry him?
Yes, you are right. Living together does spoil the magic, before the "magical" wedding. The honey moon is over before you've tasted the wedding cake.
No, he didn't cheat on me while we were living together, it was all before that...and, I actually knew he had cheated on me, because I had asked him. My father, of all people, blurted out, "He's probably cheating on you" because of something else completely and totally way off was going on. So, I asked him, and he admitted that he had...this one time. So, I forgave him, and we moved in together. After about 3 months, his room mate came over to our place, and we were talking. All of a sudden, he got really upset and started crying, and told me that my boyfriend had been with ALL these other girls, girls that I knew. I mean, he had been with a LOT. At first, I didn't know what this other guy's intentions were for telling me this, so I confronted my boyfriend with the matter. He admitted it...again. That was the end of things for me.
As for my husband, my thread about that is in the infidelity category, and it's called "Cheating Husband That Won't Admit It."
If living together kills romance, in your experience, why would you save it until after marriage? If the nature of your commitment is that it requires excitement, I don't think marriage should even be an option. Wouldn't you want to marry someone with whom feelings won't disappear for upon nuptials?
SO... I believe living together is a good idea exclusively when you're married. true or false?
No. The reasons those people broke up were the very reasons which would have caused them to divorce, had they married. If a person is difficult to live with, that person will be difficult to live with whether you are married or not. Marriage doesn't turn him or her into some wonderful person. This is exactly why one should live with someone before marriage; if you then decide that you can't live together well, the breakup is much easier financially and legally.
What I'm trying to say is that living togeher, no matter how much you try, will kill the romance
No. It will end the infatuation and then, if you truly love each other, the companionate type of love will take over and you will become even more deeply bonded and love each other more. 'Romance' is not what is required for long-term love. Deep, abiding friendship, love, admiration and trust are. Marriage will no more preserve the 'romance' than will living together. The fact is that it is difficult to live with another person and it is true love which will motivate you to overcome those difficulties together.
__________________
I expect to pass through this world but once. Any good, therefore, that I can do or any kindness that I can show to my fellow creatures, let me not defer nor neglect it, for I shall not pass this way again.
Moi's got a point here. Basically, if you can tolerate each other's idiosyncrocies, and you still love that person enough to spend your life with them in a committed relationship, then the deal of marriage is on.
If living together kills romance, in your experience, why would you save it until after marriage? If the nature of your commitment is that it requires excitement, I don't think marriage should even be an option. Wouldn't you want to marry someone with whom feelings won't disappear for upon nuptials?
It is different once married I believe. It's complete trust, the institution of marriage that protects you, you vowed yourself and your parnter to make it work, I don't know.It has to be different, you're much more dettermined, it's not only:"oh, yeah, we're ok together so let's move in and roll on the floor all day", you're a family.
Actually this is why I'm asking this. I don't believe a relationship is strong enough to survive living together without being married. But that's a different subject.
In the light of my former relationship, I say no to your question. You can tell about your bf, 'cause you spend (or are supposed to) lots of time together. I don't see the necessity of living together, as when and if everything is over, you fell more like recovering from a divorce than from a break-up.
Believe me, dyer getting used to the routine ( "habitude"in French) is our second nature. Damn hard to get over it and after my experience, it simply isn't worth it.
Originally posted by moimeme SO... I believe living together is a good idea exclusively when you're married. true or false?
No. The reasons those people broke up were the very reasons which would have caused them to divorce, had they married. If a person is difficult to live with, that person will be difficult to live with whether you are married or not. Marriage doesn't turn him or her into some wonderful person. This is exactly why one should live with someone before marriage; if you then decide that you can't live together well, the breakup is much easier financially and legally.
What I'm trying to say is that living togeher, no matter how much you try, will kill the romance
No. It will end the infatuation and then, if you truly love each other, the companionate type of love will take over and you will become even more deeply bonded and love each other more. 'Romance' is not what is required for long-term love. Deep, abiding friendship, love, admiration and trust are. Marriage will no more preserve the 'romance' than will living together. The fact is that it is difficult to live with another person and it is true love which will motivate you to overcome those difficulties together.
But you're supposing the reason the marriage won't work is because they can't stand living together. I believe
marriages stop working for reasons far more serious than that ,otherwise we would have many married couples not living in the same house.
Originally posted by CurlyIam
But you're supposing the reason the marriage won't work is because they can't stand living together. I believe
marriages stop working for reasons far more serious than that ,otherwise we would have many married couples not living in the same house.
Speaking from experience...true, true.
This is an aspect I haven't really firmly decided on yet, it's a toss for me...the whole living with someone before marriage. I've done it, but the reasons my marriage is now failing doesn't have to do with us living together beforehand.
Originally posted by moimeme SO... I believe living together is a good idea exclusively when you're married. true or false?
No. The reasons those people broke up were the very reasons which would have caused them to divorce, had they married. If a person is difficult to live with, that person will be difficult to live with whether you are married or not. Marriage doesn't turn him or her into some wonderful person. This is exactly why one should live with someone before marriage; if you then decide that you can't live together well, the breakup is much easier financially and legally.
What I'm trying to say is that living togeher, no matter how much you try, will kill the romance
No. It will end the infatuation and then, if you truly love each other, the companionate type of love will take over and you will become even more deeply bonded and love each other more. 'Romance' is not what is required for long-term love. Deep, abiding friendship, love, admiration and trust are. Marriage will no more preserve the 'romance' than will living together. The fact is that it is difficult to live with another person and it is true love which will motivate you to overcome those difficulties together.
Dead on. Couldn't agree with these comments more.
I've lived with three different woman in my life.
First one - Had a great time, but we were too young, we knew it, we split up as friends.
Second - More mature, ended up married, things didn't work out, we're still friends.
Currently - We've been living together for a little over a year, depends on how you look at it. We moved into 'our' place together a year ago December, prior to that I basically lived at her shack.
Living together is great, you get a chance to grow a relationship and explore how you interact prior to making a life-long commitment. I wouldn't do it any other way.
__________________
Omnia Mutantur, Nihil Interit.
If you change the way you look at things, the things you look at will change.
Originally posted by wideawake
Dead on. Couldn't agree with these comments more.
I've lived with three different woman in my life.
First one - Had a great time, but we were too young, we knew it, we split up as friends.
Second - More mature, ended up married, things didn't work out, we're still friends.
Currently - We've been living together for a little over a year, depends on how you look at it. We moved into 'our' place together a year ago December, prior to that I basically lived at her shack.
Living together is great, you get a chance to grow a relationship and explore how you interact prior to making a life-long commitment. I wouldn't do it any other way.
Boy, do I envy you for being able to get back up.
Unfortunatelly it also has to do with something befulded said on another thread about marriage, men and women.
It's a personal shut and I don't see myself doing. I mean doing it at all, not later or at some point in life.
But you're supposing the reason the marriage won't work is because they can't stand living together
Very often, it can be that. More than that, however, is that until you spend 24/7 with someone, you don't know him. Take it from one who has been married and has lived with a couple of potential partners. Here's an example. I know a couple (not kids) who went out for 18 months. It was not until they lived together that she found out how much he drank. You see, he'd do it at home the nights they weren't together before. Now, in the same house, he has no 'free' nights on which to do what he pleases. People can hide things very well from you - only living with them will reveal all.
Please note: The suggestions and advice offered on this web site are opinions only and are not to be used in the place of professional psychological counseling or medical advice. If you or someone close to you is currently in crisis or in an emergency situation, contact your local law enforcement agency or emergency number.
Linear Mode
