[SIA]

HI to all

I need advice.

We with husband have been married for 10 months now. I left my country (I'm a foreigner), my job, my family to marry a man I love and stay with him. Some months ago my husband lost his work. I still don't work here as I have no permit and law of this country dose not allow me to work for some years but I'm still trying to find something for me and keep myself busy.

My husband has an opportunity to get a contract job for 3 years and work away from home. I said to him that I would like to follow him as I don't have many friends here still I don't have permanent job I don't have children and I'm a very family type woman. But my husband dose not agree. He said somebody has to take care of the house and he dose not want to move there permanently. So he will come once a week or once in two weeks home or I can live one week with him one week at home. We live together with his aunty which is like his mother. She is not so young 67. And I asked him what if you were not married would your aunty stay in the house and take care of it ? He said : "Yes". So why can't we now live together and aunty will take care of the house?

But my husband dose not understand me and he said I don't want him to get job and it was not easy to get this contract. I don't mind him to work there but I don't want to stay without him because I think it dose not make sence.

Help me please to understand what is wrong here

[Becks84]

I too don't understand why his Aunt can't watch over the house, and you can go with him. Ask him this again, and ask him why he wouldn't want you with him every day, the way marriage should be. Don't back down until you are satisfied with a compromise. Just keep speaking your mind and try and get him to see it your way. I dont know your husband obviously, so I can't advise you on the best way to talk to him and get through to him. You know him best, so you should know what to do. I know I wasn't much help, but I guess I wanted to just say that I agree with you and your thoughts on this. Best of luck!!

[SIA]

thank you
I just wanted to be sure I'm not being selfish
Also I need to know what others think about this

[SIA]

the problem is we don't have any income now
If I tell him I will follow him he take it as I don't want him to take this job... so I feel gilty and ununderstanding wife

[Becks84]

You are not at all being selfish. This is a marriage we are talking about. Both of your feelings and concerns matter and need to be satisfied. Try and make him understand that it's not about him taking the job that bothers you, it's the being apart. How far away is he going and for how long? Has he accepted the job? Best of luck to you two!

[SIA]

it is about 5 hours drive
I asked him
how often are we going to see each other
he said once a week or once a two weeks
or may be you will come to my place for a week then go back ....
so I said if I come there for a week why can't I stay there
or we will come to the house every week together