[buzzyonbeach]

We have been married a long time. Why, I cant answer....probably because of stubborness or upbringing (divorce a no-no). Lovemaking was excellent before marriage and during the first couple of years.She has been slowing turning it off to the point that we go as long as a year without it.No kissing either.Her idea of intimacy is holding hands when walking.We do have 2 grown kids.Whenever I would bring up the topic,she would get very emotional "you are oversexed.You have a problem".Etc. Finally I initiated us to go to marriage counseling thru the Church (she is quite religious).She quit after a couple of sessions.A Few months later we tried again with a Pshrink.Same story.A couple of years later we saw a professional specializing in marriage.After several sessions she admitted that in Italy (small town where she came from) "women stopped being wives and became mothers.Italian men understand".
Having a normal libido,and travelling a bit on the job,I had an affair....and discovered that perhaps it wasnt me that had a problem (well, I guess that really I did - her). I dont feel good about what I did,but it did answer a lot of questions.
So now here I am.I would hate to spend the rest of my life as I have the past many years - in a relationship devoid of emotion and without physical contact. And yes,I have tried all of the suggestions....romantic interludes,candles,gifts,compliments,etc,etc,etc. I went thru personal counselling,and was advised that for my own sanity I should leave.
Is there someone else? There could be.....if I were free.

[Darkangelism]

Your kids are grown it wont affect them, if you feel that it is the best option and there is nothing else you can do then maybe leaving is the best option.

[magda]

Maybe Italian men all have affairs... maybe she expects you to have them.

Why have YOU been in the marriage for 30+ years? Because SHE is stubborn, religious and a problem? Hmm, that doesn't quite fit... What do you like about her religiousness, "motherliness"? Do you still respect and love her? If so, ask her if she'd like to work on hving a sexual relationship. If she does not want that, then explore affairs.

On the other hand, if you don't love and respect her, it may make sense to separate, but do not have the idea that it is easy to make a new relationship work... affairs are exciting, committment and marriage are another story and there will always be a balance between fulfillment and frustration.

Best to ask yourself why YOU squashed your sex drive for nearly 30 years. Best not to be rash, but also not to linger, if it's really over.

Best wishes!

Is there someone else? There could be.....if I were free.

You are not a slave. If you are woefully unhappy and unfulfilled, you tell his your marriage has been in a cryogenic state for years( lacking both heat and warmth), get out. Separate and divorce your wife.

Then date like a Macy's shopper at a sale. Hook up with warm, sexually expressive and willing women, and try to make up for 30 years lost time.

You've served your sentence.

[Pyrannaste]

Originally posted by magda
Maybe Italian men all have affairs...

Hope *not*!