[Not4me]

Hello everybody. Oh boy, this is the first time I have voiced this to the public but AAAAH!!! I am so disturbed by it!!

I hope I don't get booted for the frank subject of my topic...not only did I discover my boyfriend was going into yahoo chat rooms and masturbating via webcam with people, I also discovered he was doing it with MEN.

I just left him for good 6 days ago but we were together a little over a year and believe it or not, everything else in our relationship was perfect.
( Yes, that includes the obvious - that was, in fact...always fantastic ).

I first knew something weird was going on when I moved in with him - just a month after we'd known each other.

I had found pictures of erect male genitalia in his temp. files.
There were several pictures and when I asked him about them , he looked completely surprised and said he had no idea what they were or where they came from.

I am not a silly girl and I pride myself on living by my intuition and my intuition was telling me something really fishy was going on.

To make a very long story short ( if I am lucky, perhaps you will all be able to read the full version in an upcoming month's issue of Jane magazine in the "It Happened To Me" section ) once I snooped - as he called it - around enough, things became very clear.
It was not overnight, it was gradual and I sure learned a lot.

Once I figured out the facts, he then painted the general picture. ( He knew I knew enough ).

WHEN HE SINGLE... ( He swore it was only before he had met me ) out of boredom, out of curiousity, whatever...he would go online to yahoo chat and masturbate for people.
He said he was an exhibitionist and that men were more complimentary than women.
He swore up and down he was not into guys and I am VERY open minded but that threw me for a loop that to this day, I don't think I will ever understand.

I wanted to know what he did and why, I wanted to know so I could understand, but he really didn't like talking about it.
He said if I hadn't found out, he would never have told me, because it was before he met me and it had nothing to do with anything.
He also said ( here's the clincher ) it was a secret even to himself.
He said he liked to do it because it was taboo and anonymous.
He seemed to forget that his face was right there on his profile.
( Yes, I looked everywhere )
The strange thing was, he got mad at me for going through his things and acted as though he couldn't trust me anymore for THAT.
He was always paranoid I was looking up what he's done on the computer.
He became very weird about me using it and weird about me downloading anything onto it and he began erasing his history but asking me to keep mine up. HA!
Over the course of time, he began to divulge little things to me that he had denied previously.
For example - one day I stumbled across a screen shot picture from his webcam.
It was somewhere in the temp. files and it was a picture of him with his butt up in the air and his d*** in his hand!!
He actually laughed about it when he mentioned it.
He said most of the time he was very dominant online but sometimes he liked to be told what to do.
The more I acted as though it was nothing, the more he opened up and told me.
It's a great method, but it takes a really long time - depending on the person's comfort level.
I was so shocked when I found that picture. It just screamed not straight to me.

So....pair that with his admissions to having received oral sex from a man when he was 18...flash forward 7 years to when he was 29 and newly divorced - to the sudden preoccupation with admitted bi-curiousity, a little late in the game to be questioning your sexuality, I would expect...to the time he met me 5 years later, after he had been single all that time and had explored a local gay men's private spa but had, he said - walked out immediately upon entering, because he got freaked out.
He seems to think that doing these things online with men is ok because he's not actually doing it with them in PERSON.
He seems to think he is still 100% straight.
The sexuality thing isn't even the point, the point is that ever since I first knew anything, I have not trusted him one bit on his computer.
And he has not trusted me.
He thinks I was not to be trusted because I could not stop looking for things and anytime I ever found something new, he would always get mad that I had found it.
I couldn't ever shake it, I tried to forget but I just always felt as though he had still done it while he was with me.

6 days ago I was cleaning out the computer.
I had been to a lot of sites and was going though one by one to make sure everything was cleared, so as to free up disk space.
I was not looking for anything on him but I found the proof I had always said would be all I'd need to leave.
It was defragmented disk files, I found them purely by mistake as I didn't know I could even read them. There were a series of dates and times listed that spanned through the majority of our relationship. The chat rooms were listed. The people in the rooms were listed. It specifically said his yahoo ID and everything.

I left him immediately.

The funny thing is, I don't think he ever thought he was doing anything wrong!!!
I'd always told him that chat rooms and webcam things were cheating, he knew the difference.
You do not go into a chat site and talk about sex and whip out your you know what and go to town for other people, men or women and expect that to not be cheating.
It is still sexual gratification with another person regardless of the fact that that person is not physically there with you.
What it boils down to is - if you can't tell your partner...it's wrong.

I firmly believe that the computer does not make people do things, they are doing things because they want to.

Thank God I found out!!!