Does an individual have any right to privacy in a marriage or long term relationship
I've only been here a few months, but I've noticed that there is a lot of snooping around done in regards to looking on your SO's hard drive, or listening in on people's phone calls and things like that. Especially in regards to catching husbands looking at porn or going to strip clubs and things. I mean, most people I know would consider it a violation of privacy if you were to read their journal without permission. So what's the line of distinction between reading someone's journal and searching on their hard drive for pictures or listening in on their phone calls when they are talking to their friends ??
So, since I've never been married, I'm just wondering ... is there any limits on personal privacy between mates in a marriage (or longterm relationship) or is everything an open book. I mean, I don't know. I'm asking.
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I sure agree with you on that one Inman. If there is cause to check....then it seems justified. BUT, how do you know until you've already checked. At that point, you've already infringed on their privacy.
I'm sure I would check on a guy too, so this certainly isn't a jugement call...but how would you decide if you were protecting yourself or crossing a BIG NO NO?????????
I've checked the hard drive on my computer to find out if he's downloaded any porn, but it's MY computer that he uses to look at porn. And he knows I check it. So I don't know if you could consider that an invasion of privacy. IMO, I think that you should have a level of privacy in a relationship, but when it comes to doing something that could hurt the other person or the relationship then you've forfeited that right to privacy as far as computers and the such.
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It took a good year of suspicion before I logged on to my ex's PC to check his email. Once I started, it became a compulsion. It is something I will think about long and hard if and when I am involved in another serious relationship and faced with suspicion. I'm looking for a man who is an open book this time. I'm not a very private person so I have trouble understanding the great need for privacy (unless of course, you are cheating).
when it comes to doing something that could hurt the other person or the relationship then you've forfeited that right to privacy as far as computers and the such.
You don't know if that "something" is hurtfull or not until you've already snooped for it.
So, if a wife had her close gal-pal over, and they're in the backroom having a private conversation and the wife tells her gal-pal that there's a new guy at her work who she finds incredibly sexy and has been fantasizing about a little bit ... its perfectly okay for the husband to put his ear to the door and eavesdrop on the conversation .... even if he didn't know if the subject concerned him or not .... since the topic is something that COULD hurt his feelings and its his backroom too.
So, if a wife had her close gal-pal over, and they're in the backroom having a private conversation and the wife tells her gal-pal that there's a new guy at her work who she finds incredibly sexy and has been fantasizing about a little bit ... its perfectly okay for the husband to put his ear to the door and eavesdrop on the conversation .... even if he didn't know if the subject concerned him or not .... since the topic is something that COULD hurt his feelings and its his backroom too.
I wouldn't have a problem with it. If we're in a serious commited relationship then he has a right to know what's going on with me. He shouldn't have to listen at the door and check hard drives. And if he does, then there is a problem somewhere...
Well....there's that saying that All Is Fair In Love and War. Maybe it applies here?????
If someone wants a life to themsleves, maybe they should consider staying single. If I were in a relationship and had something to hide to the point of being upset if they went thru my stuff....then who is the guilty party???
Originally posted by Arabess
Well....there's that saying that All Is Fair In Love and War. Maybe it applies here?????
If someone wants a life to themsleves, maybe they should consider staying single. If I were in a relationship and had something to hide to the point of being upset if they went thru my stuff....then who is the guilty party???
Originally posted by Arabess If I were in a relationship and had something to hide to the point of being upset if they went thru my stuff....then who is the guilty party???
Many times, the illness in the relationship is the insecurity of the "victim" more than the supposed "crime" of the perpetrator.
Like the husband listening at the door example I just used. He eavesdrops on the private conversation and hears the wife confide to her friend that there's a new sexy guy at work. The husband is insecure and the jealous type ... he completely freaks out, barges in, demands that she quit her well paying job that she enjoys ... and all the wife did is have a harmless daydream.
Who has the problem ?? The woman who spent 5 hours checking every file on the harddrive looking for pornopgraphy, or the guy who looked at a pixelated picture of a booby for 5 minutes in between checking his stocks.
Last edited by InmannRoshi; 26th March 2004 at 1:46 PM..
... is there any limits on personal privacy between mates in a marriage (or longterm relationship) or is everything an open book?
My husband and I had always shared some level of privacy. Even before we married, we would usually go into another room while talking to our friends. The talk could just be about random stuff, but we both feel more comfortable doing it. We're not eavesdropping kind of people, not to talk down to it, but we're just not comfortable with it and in the end it's all about what you're comfortable with, no?
We also feel it's an invasion of privacy to read emails and journals and hack into the computer to check each other's actions. There are grey areas such as the cell phone bills, where I think its OK and he doesn't.
The more I hear about others, the more I think we're different and I'm still trying to figure out if thats a good thing.
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Originally posted by Wolvesbaned ... is there any limits on personal privacy between mates in a marriage (or longterm relationship) or is everything an open book?
My husband and I had always shared some level of privacy. Even before we married, we would usually go into another room while talking to our friends. The talk could just be about random stuff, but we both feel more comfortable doing it. We're not eavesdropping kind of people, not to talk down to it, but we're just not comfortable with it and in the end it's all about what you're comfortable with, no?
We also feel it's an invasion of privacy to read emails and journals and hack into the computer to check each other's actions. There are grey areas such as the cell phone bills, where I think its OK and he doesn't.
The more I hear about others, the more I think we're different and I'm still trying to figure out if thats a good thing.
Thanks for sharing. I think that's the type of relationship I would have to be in.
To me, its not about "having something to hide". The attraction of having a personal journal is having a place to express thoughts, feelings and desires without a filter in regards to what someone else would think about it ... even someone you love and adore. Invariably, we all have thoughts running inside of our head that would deeply hurt, disgust, inflame someone we love. Its human nature. And you may not ever act on those impulses, desires or taboos in a million years, but that doesn't mean that they aren't there swirling around in your head. Isn't that why therapists keep strict confidentiality ?? And I don't think its a crime to take those intangible inner thoughts and make them tangible by expressing them in a journal, or speaking about them to a friend or visiting a website about it. I would have to have the inherent structure of trust and privacy necessary where those things wouldn't be held against me.
Last edited by InmannRoshi; 26th March 2004 at 2:52 PM..
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