Are relationships really worth all the bullshxt???
First, I know there are some relationships that are going really great right now. That's wonderful.
Sooner or later, there are issues. We have people coming here whose partner hasn't had sex with them in months; there are those whose partner wants sex way too much; some have partners who prefer porn to them; some have partners who are cheating; some routinely go through their partner's computer to see what kind of "evidence" they can dig up; some are bored; some have partners who are abusive, mentally and physically; some have partners who are severely depressed or who have other psychological issues; some have partners who don't want kids and they do; some have partners who do want kids and they don't; some are wondering when their ex honey will come back to them; some are wondering just how soon their partner will leave; many are terrified that they may be pregnant; others are afraid they can't have children; many have mother/father in law problems; a lot of posters are worried that their long distance relationship will not work, etc. etc., etc.
It just seems like every relationship, no matter how smooth it may be going at any given time, eventually reaches a point of chaos, depression, jealousy, cheating, or some other form of uneasiness and BS.
Are relationships really worth all the crap you have to go through to have them? Is it just better to have an emotionally intimate relationship with a cat or dog? (Mind you, I said EMOTIONALLY)
Uh, is it possible to have a long term relationship with a very minimum of BS. I suffer from LCT (low crap tolerance),
I am literally in stitches!!!!! My answer to your question, is NO, they are NOT worth all the turmoil. I am working on getting OUT of my current situation, and I intend to refrain from a relationship and maintain that close bond I share with my CAT LOL. That's all I need, is the affection I can give and dote on my cat.
I was never one for casual sex, but am thinking more and more that I will be very well prepared for it. I'm right along with you, Tony...I have LOW tolerance. I've come to realize that when there is a certain amount of BS, it simply is not worth it.
FedUp
P.S. I like how you threw in there about trying to dig up evidence on the other one's computer ROTFL!!!!! How sad <sigh> I just thought that anything I can find like that might come as a necessity when dealing with the court, etc.
It just seems like every relationship, no matter how smooth it may be going at any given time, eventually reaches a point of chaos, depression, jealousy, cheating, or some other form of uneasiness and BS.
Oh dear oh dear! I fear our Tony is suffering from a bad case of 'LoveShackItis'. It is defined as a condition of despair and cynicism caused by too much reading about others' sadness and woes.
Life is difficult. I'm not in a relationship and I can promise you that there are plenty other sources of C(rap) that you still have to tolerate. There is only so much you can avoid. Believe me - I've tried to duck a lot of it, but it finds you and smacks you anyway.
There's a reason that 'for better or for worse' is in the vows - because you pretty much can't get by in life without some 'worse'. However, if the fates be kind, you find someone so great that the 'better' is tremendous and more than makes up for the 'worse', which doesn't have to be truly horrible.
Not exactly sure what the cure for LoveShackItis is. When in doubt, eat chocolate, I always say!
is it possible to have a long term relationship with a very minimum of BS
Never give up hope! Anything is possible
__________________
I expect to pass through this world but once. Any good, therefore, that I can do or any kindness that I can show to my fellow creatures, let me not defer nor neglect it, for I shall not pass this way again.
I like your posts, Moi! You are right, "for better or worse". I guess it all boils down to each person, as an individual,-what their tolerance level is. As for me, I am FED UP! LOL
Thanks, fedup. I'm sorry you're having a bad time of it. Want a rationalizaton? They really help. This, you see, is a 'teaching relationship'. It's a pothole in your path to your genuine destiny. Once you put your hubcap back on, continue to drive down the road. You may encounter another bump or two, but eventually you'll end up exactly where you are supposed to be!
And if I'm wrong, you won't know until it's all over anyway so you can live the rest of your life looking forward to what's next
Single or comitted, life gives you lemons. I would rather make lemonade with someone, than make it alone, and I'm willing to press a few lemons to get it--which is why I'm convinced I'll succeed. Some think that's what they want, a lemonade partnership, but when they enter into a relationship, they find that their partner makes lemonade differently, and convince themselves they make lemonade better by themselves. They then either make their own lemonade their own way, and don't share with their partner, or they stop making lemonade altogether. Bottom line, they either delude themselves into thinking their lemonade tasted better alone, or they're actually correct--either way it causes problems.
Dyer, I follow what you are saying, but it's more complex than that.
When a couple decides mutually upon certain things, then one goes against that agreement, you can't always turn something bad into something good if there's just no good in it period. You can't make iced tea out of a lemon.
Originally posted by Fedup&givingup
When a couple decides mutually upon certain things, then one goes against that agreement, you can't always turn something bad into something good if there's just no good in it period.
It honestly depends on who you entered into the agreement with, and what you do during the agreement. I'm not going to offend you personally, or at least I'll try not to. I'm not going to imply that it's your fault that your partner cheated on you, but these things don't just happen. There ARE people who follow the rules. They are capable of having a healthy relationsihp.
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You can't make iced tea out of a lemon.
That's what I'm saying though, you either need to stop setting your goal at iced tea when you're given lemons. Just for a little metaphorical clarity, lemons are the obstacles in life. You can either work against one another, or with one another. Re-read my lemon analogy, this time realizing that your partner was the one who didn't want to make lemonade with you anymore--THAT's not a lemon, that's betrayal. But your standard doesn't apply to everyone.
Quote:
How can you make something good out of a cheater?
This is up to both of you to decide, and in your paticular case, it doesn't look good.
There ARE people who follow the rules. They are capable of having a healthy relationsihp.
Yeah, but Dyer, there is no hint or clue, no sure-fire test to determine if you have one of those people. Wish there was, but there is not. Nice to think you know the mind and heart of someone, but you never really can. There are a lot of things you can try to increase the possibility that you're picking the right person but in the end, there are no guarantees. If there were, Dyer, somebody somewhere along the line of human development would have figured one out.
We are not the only bunch of humans to have ever existed and tried to form bonds, after all.
LOL! This is like a Doctor complaining that everyone is always sick. People come to LS for a reason. Either they like helping people or they are in need of help. There are lots of people that fall into neither category that you never see. Every relationship has it's ups and downs, yes there are issues but they would often happen whether you are in a relationship or not (eg. psychological problems, childlessness). Why blame the relationship? In fact many are strengthened for having come through something together.
Most long term (15 years plus) relationships I know of have had some conflict, usually in the early years in the transition from the "is this just another reationship?" to "are you THE ONE?". Also there are the ups and downs that come with major life changes but as long as there is love and people are able to change and compromise these can be overcome.
The two major risks to a relationship are lack of love and infidelity (because of the breach of trust). There are many happy long term relationships that have remained free of these two deal breakers.
I guess what I am trying to say (badly!) is that if you want no emotional involvement then get a cat. People are more unpredictable but if you love someone you never feel the difficult times are not worth it and the positive is so great you can't imagine life without them. If in later life my husband and I were to come across some insurmountable problem and the relationship failed, we will have had 17+ good years, two kids, a happy life. That's worth whatever BS may come, may we both be spared.
I know sometimes people lack good judgement or are unlucky but it is still true to say that all things being equal you get out of life what you put in, and that applies especially to love. I can't remember where I came across the concept of an "emotional bank account" that you can not expect to keep making withdrawals if you never make an investment but it is very true of long term relationship of all types, including those with children.
Explaining it to you would be like explaining the concept of sound to an unfortunate deaf-mute. You either believe me, or you do not--neither of which are any loss to me.
Again, sorry Dyer, but you are simplifying something very complex by suggesting a person gets cheated on because of something they did/didn't do. BTW, you DID imply that it was something I did/didn't do, which is just not true or right. If there was something I haven't done in our relationship, he should have come to me with it and discussed it. He's accountable for HIS actions, period.
I've been where you are with your thinking, but I'm now in my early 30's. Life experiences contributes to ways of thinking now. I'm not untouchable, by any stretch, and to think that you are is highly dangerous. There is nothing people can do to have flame retarded protection for emotional turmoil and pain in a relationship. No such thing.
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