[dlb311]

Let me start if you haven't read any of my threads that I have a bf of 2&1/2 yrs. We broke up for 4 months but we got back together. We broke up because we were planning on moving in together and it was to much for both of us with all the added things we had going on he pulled away and we broke up.

But four months later he called and wanted to go to dinner and ever since then he says how did he get along with out me. He is so happy now and I hear that from him and his friends, and my friends that talk to him.

Anyway here I go...So I depression and axiety I fear that my lover will leave me and I feel this way every time I get close to someone which hasn't been many. But when he and I first started dating it was hard for me because I felt myself opening up to him and yet there was no commitment astablished yet. But I bite my tounge and we ended falling so in love and have a great relationship. Since we have gotten back together have have stepped back...so we let the future happen instead of saying or planning it.

So there its hard again because I am loving him and again scared that he will leave and because we don't speak of the future in marriage talk we talk about things to do together but marriage...I am scared out of my wites and I think I have been trying to find something on him to make my assumshin right. So the slightest thing my send me into a panic attach but I do not let him know this because my depression puts a strain on the relationsip. So I work it out myself I talk to friends and family and my therapist.

Now he has a girl partner he works with he is a paramedic he works 24 hour shifts. I met her Sat. and she was not nice to me not friendly at all. so I didn't like that. But my boyfriend was his usualy self and loving and touchy..but he worked with her monday and I called him at 9:30 and he never returned my call till 8:50 p.m. some may say who cares why drive yourself crazy.. then yesterday he worked again but with someone else he called me 4 times a day.. and today he works with that girl again and yet no call all day.. should I see if I am just looking for the bad because of my insurcities its driving me crazy to tell you the truth ... I want to through my hands in the air and say forget it I don't want to deal with it.

I know I have a hard time trusting him its because everyone in my life parents and lovers have always left me...so I am think everyone will leave and he has left before....

I feel like I just want to sit him down and talk to him but at the same time I think I haven't really concord my issues yet of abandonment so maybe its not time....when I feel secure with myself and have all the selfesteem I need then talk to him. I know he loves me that is not a question.. but why wouldn't he call me when he works with her but calls me all the time when working with others. its strange to me very strange. And he has said time and time again that he isn't quite ready for marriage not that I am not the one just that he isn't ready... and I agree he isn't ready and either am I for that matter. I am 22 he is 24

Anyway I know that in my head I am nuts... so am I over reactng, should I talk to him. I don't want to be the nagging girlfriend that keeps asking the same damn questions... because the next morning after I met her I asked him if there was something between them andhe said why do you ask I said I just got a weird vibe he said don't be silly.....I left it alone but I know that if you keep asking a man he may just cheat because you are accusing him anyway.. and I don't want to do that...

[dreamy_5]

I can totally understand where you're coming from. I'm in the same boat right now. My insecurities get out of hand sometimes too. My opinion is that you need to talk to your bf. It's nice to consider waiting until your thoughts are in order, but that could take a lot of time. He may even be able to help the process along. It took me years to gain self esteem and to tear down the walls I had built up. Once I did, it was wonderful. I was lucky because I had help and support from friends. I still have insecurities, but at the first sign, I talk to my bf and we work it out. It hasn't pushed him away at all. In fact, I learned he's got them too.

We are actually the same ages as you and your bf, so I think that has a lot to do with it. If you know he loves you, then you have to put that trust in him. My bf and I are 600 miles apart. I don't here from him all the time either. Sometimes I start "freaking out", wondering what he's doing, who he's with, if he's even thinking about me, etc. But as soon as I hear his voice, I'm fine. Sometimes, if it really gets to me, I just have to bite the bullet and tell him how I'm feeling. We talk about it and it relieves all that worrying and doubt.

I wouldn't worry about that girl too much. You'll drive yourself crazy. I don't know about forcing him into cheating by nagging him, but I do know that if he doesn't think you trust him, he may get discouraged about the relationship in general and want out. Do your best to give him that trust, I'm sure he deserves it.

Good Luck.

[Fedup&givingup]

DLB311,

It's me again! LOL I'm wondering what your boyfriend has told this other woman he's working with about you. I believe there IS something to this with her. I think it's discolored that he doesn't call you when he's working with her, and from the way you describe her reaction to meeting you...SOMETHING negative has been said/discussed about you.

Here's what...this relationship is NOT making you feel good, period. You are having panic attacks, etc. That's not worth it. This guy (nor any other) is the air that you breath.

Please, fill me/us in on what your life was like during the 4 month split. I am hearing that you revolve your life around this guy, and guess what? HE knows that. You are his puppet on a string.