If your partner was unfaithful, would you want to know?
I am completely sure that I would never be cheated on, you can argue that one is incapable of such knowledge, but you're certainly not going to change my mind.
That said, if in some parallel universe it happened, I would NOT want to know. How about you?
Location: the easter bunny has eggs! breathe in; breathe out. there is still wonder in the world :)
Posts: 2,735
no, i would not want to, but i think i would anyway.
i think i would read it right away. i think i'd smell it, intuitively. i know when my partner feels ennui, when he feels bravado, when he's just hungry or horny. i think it would really hard *not* to know with him.
For me, it's not a pride issue, it's the preference of maintaining something that I've invested my soul in. If I knew, I couldn't continue, and if I couldn't continue, I could never look forward, it's sort of a paradox.
If I caught the HIV virus, the chances of it developing into AIDS are exponentially less than the possibility of my soul willingly moving on to someone else.
I'm with you dyer I like to think that my fiance would never cheat on me. He's the type of guy that would probably tell me if he did. Or maybe not. (I've told him if he did, he would think Lorena Bobbit was nice. )
That is a very hard question to answer. On one hand I would want to know b/c I have every right to know, on the other hand it would tear my world to pieces.
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No matter how negative a situation, is it always gives you a postive, you just have to be open enough to find it.
Most definitely, without a doubt, I'd want to know.
I want a relationship that's based on truth, I don't want to be living a lie. I have always been completely 100% faithful in all of my relationships, even when I was younger. I expect that in a partner, it's a non-negotiable, just as infidelity is an immediate deal-breaker. I'm very big on mutual respect, and I expect to be respected as I would respect my partner. Along with respect, no doubt, comes honesty and loyalty.
The truth always comes out in the end. I've been in relationships before where I was cheated on. My very first serious relationship, which lasted from age 18-21, he cheated on me with 3 different women over the last 2 yrs of our relationship. I was naive then, I didn't "know the signs." I was naive in believing that if you loved someone, you wouldn't cheat on them (as that's how I looked at it). When I did find out about his sideline activities, and how long they'd been going on for, I was devastated and felt like a fool. However, I've learned a lot since then, moreso about the "red flags" that indicate something isn't "right." If my partner is screwing around, they don't deserve me...so tell me the truth so that I can make an INFORMED decision about what *I* am going to do......which inevitably would be to immediately terminate the relationship.
I'm not someone who believes in giving a cheater a second chance. Nope, you get once chance with me, you blow it, you're gone. I have a lot of personal integrity and I expect the same in a partner, and if they can't deliver, b'bye. Trust has to be the foundation of a relationship and if they breach that, I do not believe it can ever be fully regained.
Of course, on the health side of it......with respect to sexually transmitted diseases and deadly things like HIV and Hepatitis B, in a perfect world, I'd hope to know about their plans to screw around before it happened, so that I could get out before my health was jeopardized.
In all areas of my life and career, not just this issue of cheating, I like to have all the information before me..so that I can be as informed as possible. I'm not one to sit idly by, living like a mushroom, in the dark, and just brushing something under the carpet.
What if you were in a marriage that has been wonderful for lets say 10-12 years and you have had many beautiful children and memmories with your spouse. Lets say something devistating happened and your spouse had a heart attack or something huge and traumatic happen. In a momment of his or her weakness they stepped out and was unfaithful just one time. But for 12 years they have been faithful. Your spouse feels terrible about the afair. Your children love their DADDY/Mommy. Are you going to be so quick to give that marriage up? Really? You wouldn't even give it a second thought? Just curious.
Location: the easter bunny has eggs! breathe in; breathe out. there is still wonder in the world :)
Posts: 2,735
i think it's possible to decide to not want to know, for understandable reasons.
if i honestly assess my character, i am not sure that i would not decide to look the other way if i had kids and a great deal to lose financially if i were to confront and leave, particularly if the other woman in question was no one of consequence. (i.e. not a friend, co-worker, or actual emotional threat for whatever reason)
there is something i get about wives who look the other way and cultivate an unnatural interest in the pool boy that i 'get'- i hope it never happens to me, but i think it's currently an empty emotional space where conviction should be.
(i'm not sure i would know how to fill that space, either.)
Last edited by jenny; 11th March 2004 at 3:43 AM..
If depends on the situation and circumstance.. I mean if I have been married for a long time and are going through some difficult times and my partner strays and its a moment of weakness and just a one off then I'd rather not know about it.. people make mistakes..
but if its more than that and it happens more than once or worse still a long term affair that is not only physical but emotional then I'd want to know about it.. no matter how much i love my partner i love myself more and I wont want to be living a lie..
I’ve read the above post and one thing sticks out true and clear…..The love in your heart. With a lot (committed relationship), you don’t care. You will “overlook” this minor infraction for you think it’s a passing fling. With a little love (casual relationship) it becomes paramount. Sitting at the apex is the health issue. How can any one not want to know? In all relationships, thinking with your head is first (Lilvoyce7321, Darkangelism, Befuddled11, gaia). For those who think with your heart, you are not “expecting” anything alarming.
Having morals and self-esteem in yourself will dictate this level of love (hats off to you Befuddled11). If you close your eyes to all that’s going on around you, even though you “feel” deep down inside that something is going on, well, my hat is off to you but in a different way. It is a normal human defense mechanism that drives us to be inquisitive about what the other half is doing while in a relationship. No doubt about it. To reject this natural erg is not normal. Most psychologists will pick up on this in a minute. What drives people to reject this? LOVE, pure and simple. I don’t mean to pick on anyone but, we must get in touch with what is “REAL” and what is just OK in our relationship (dyermaker, jenny). Elevating your “TRUST” above the health issue is just plain ludicrous. Most people would love to be where you are dyermaker.
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It’s the amount of LOVE folks!
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